Honesty with self
One of the tenants of any spiritual programs is honestly. Most of us are well aware that the most difficult person with whom to be honest is oneself. We also know that honesty with self is a process and not a destination. Certainly, for me, just about the time that I have decided that I am being completely honest with myself about some issue, I discover that I am unwittingly still lying. I am especially cognizant of this when exploring two issues. These are:
I like to think of myself as open minded and, yet, I am aware that there are individuals and issues about which I am so certain that opinion X or person A could never be right that I have closed off my hearing even before they speak. I may indeed listen to or read the words but instead of listening or seeing I am already formulating my opposing opinion. I may then even accuse them of being arrogant or close minded when, in fact, it may be I who is being arrogant and close minded. Even when I allow for this possibility I may, at times, find it difficult to set aside my preconceived opinion to listen with an open mind. This dishonest process may occur with a politician or even a close friend that I respect. I am well aware that I am not, in these divisive times, the only person to do this but I am always disappointed or sometimes amused when I discover I am doing it. Why would I do this? I am well aware that I am not in possession of “the truth” on any subject. I have taken enough logic classes to “know” that if statement one is true than statement two has to be true. Conversely, if statement one is false that statement two will be false! The easiest example of this has to do with certain political figures or political positions. There are political or even moral lines which I have told myself I will not cross. The truth is that there are many situations I have never personally experienced and I cannot truly say how I would respond. There are political persons whose behavior in general is so different that what I think is moral or ethical that even if they expressed an opinion with which I agreed I would question their motives for saying it. There are also those individuals whose manner of speaking I hear through the memory chip of a critical parent, teacher or authority figure. I respond as if I am the angry little boy speaking to that critical person. I know that I hear with my mind and not my ears but I am always “shocked” when I realize what I have done. Then, of course, I often have to laugh at myself and then apologize. I am reminded of the line from the poem by Robert Frost, “and miles to go before I sleep.” I will spent the rest of my life journey uncovering, one by one, the lies I tell myself about how open minded I listen.
Loving others (even myself) unconditionally is a both a spiritual goal and principle. I want to love others without any expectations or conditions and, yet, I am very aware that as soon as I think I have made some progress in that direction, I “hear” that internal voice asking, “Why didn’t he or she respond to my gift, email or phone call?” There may be a part of me, at times, who is genuinely worried that he or she may be ill or responding to some emergency, but then I listen to the next sentence in my head, “This is unfair. I do such and such.” or “He or she finds time to respond to X. Why am I always last?” In other words, my gifts of time, money, a card, or something else was given with expectations or conditions. So much for unconditional love or caring.
The good news is that today I am more aware of when I lie to myself than I was yesterday. I am not as clueless as I was yesterday and I hope to be less clueless tomorrow, but both of these (and other) spiritual goals are just that, goals. I know enough to have reduced the fussing at myself. My goal is to just notice when I lie to myself (and others), be accountable and, when appropriate and not hurtful to others, make amends.
While I do not want the truth “We are all a work in progress.” to be an excuse, I also want to keep focused on making progress in being more honest with myself. I want to own the truth that there is always a possibility that I am still lying to myself about something which is relatively unimportant or about something which is more important and potentially harmful to myself or someone else.
Written June 5, 2019
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
One of the tenants of any spiritual programs is honestly. Most of us are well aware that the most difficult person with whom to be honest is oneself. We also know that honesty with self is a process and not a destination. Certainly, for me, just about the time that I have decided that I am being completely honest with myself about some issue, I discover that I am unwittingly still lying. I am especially cognizant of this when exploring two issues. These are:
- Listening to others with an open mind.
- Loving other unconditionally.
I like to think of myself as open minded and, yet, I am aware that there are individuals and issues about which I am so certain that opinion X or person A could never be right that I have closed off my hearing even before they speak. I may indeed listen to or read the words but instead of listening or seeing I am already formulating my opposing opinion. I may then even accuse them of being arrogant or close minded when, in fact, it may be I who is being arrogant and close minded. Even when I allow for this possibility I may, at times, find it difficult to set aside my preconceived opinion to listen with an open mind. This dishonest process may occur with a politician or even a close friend that I respect. I am well aware that I am not, in these divisive times, the only person to do this but I am always disappointed or sometimes amused when I discover I am doing it. Why would I do this? I am well aware that I am not in possession of “the truth” on any subject. I have taken enough logic classes to “know” that if statement one is true than statement two has to be true. Conversely, if statement one is false that statement two will be false! The easiest example of this has to do with certain political figures or political positions. There are political or even moral lines which I have told myself I will not cross. The truth is that there are many situations I have never personally experienced and I cannot truly say how I would respond. There are political persons whose behavior in general is so different that what I think is moral or ethical that even if they expressed an opinion with which I agreed I would question their motives for saying it. There are also those individuals whose manner of speaking I hear through the memory chip of a critical parent, teacher or authority figure. I respond as if I am the angry little boy speaking to that critical person. I know that I hear with my mind and not my ears but I am always “shocked” when I realize what I have done. Then, of course, I often have to laugh at myself and then apologize. I am reminded of the line from the poem by Robert Frost, “and miles to go before I sleep.” I will spent the rest of my life journey uncovering, one by one, the lies I tell myself about how open minded I listen.
Loving others (even myself) unconditionally is a both a spiritual goal and principle. I want to love others without any expectations or conditions and, yet, I am very aware that as soon as I think I have made some progress in that direction, I “hear” that internal voice asking, “Why didn’t he or she respond to my gift, email or phone call?” There may be a part of me, at times, who is genuinely worried that he or she may be ill or responding to some emergency, but then I listen to the next sentence in my head, “This is unfair. I do such and such.” or “He or she finds time to respond to X. Why am I always last?” In other words, my gifts of time, money, a card, or something else was given with expectations or conditions. So much for unconditional love or caring.
The good news is that today I am more aware of when I lie to myself than I was yesterday. I am not as clueless as I was yesterday and I hope to be less clueless tomorrow, but both of these (and other) spiritual goals are just that, goals. I know enough to have reduced the fussing at myself. My goal is to just notice when I lie to myself (and others), be accountable and, when appropriate and not hurtful to others, make amends.
While I do not want the truth “We are all a work in progress.” to be an excuse, I also want to keep focused on making progress in being more honest with myself. I want to own the truth that there is always a possibility that I am still lying to myself about something which is relatively unimportant or about something which is more important and potentially harmful to myself or someone else.
Written June 5, 2019
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
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