“Humbly ask Him to remove our shortcomings”
This is step 7 of the 12 step recovery program which was first introduced by the founders of Alcoholic Anonymous but which has since been used by those attempting to reclaiming their lives from a variety of addictions. The 12-step literature clearly explains the application of this step.
I was meeting with a friend one recent evening. He brought up the subject of the 7th step. He has worked the 4th, 5th and 6th steps and is committed to working steps 8 through 12. The 7th step forces one to face the question of whether we are ready to let go of our shortcomings - to repeating the very same behavior. Obviously we are all going to keep on a path of growth and will uncover new shortcomings, but the goal is to not keep repeating the same mistakes over and over again.
I asked my friend what he considered his primary shortcomings. He mentioned behavior such as resentment/judging others and needing others to think he has the right answer. Of course, he also mentioned his history of addictive behavior.
I suggested that the behaviors he mentioned are symptoms of the primary shortcoming of all of us; the failure to trust or accept that we are enough; that we deserve love and respect as the sacred humans we are. By definition we are imperfect. We are always making mistakes. We experiment with many ways to avoid being with our fear of being us. We may use alcohol, other drugs, work, sex, stuff, money, power or other people to numb ourselves or to avoid ourselves. We may select a romantic partner because he or she looks good and will make us look good in the eyes of other people.
We judge other people because we do not want to the see the mirror of parts of ourselves. We convince ourselves that we could not go insane and do something terrible or we could not lose our temper and accidentally hurt someone. We like to think that we are incapable of being attracted to and even having sex with someone who is not our spouse. We want to think that any dishonestly we have is minor compared to the person who robs a bank or cheats others. We like to think that we are kind and forgiving “to those who deserve it”. We like to think that we are smart and have the right solutions or better solutions than others. This is not just a matter of having certain talents, which may be superior to that of some others. This is thinking that our talents are worth more thus making us worth more. We think if we are worth more we will be enough.
In so many ways we learn to say, “Look at me. Look at me.”
Being the creative creatures that we are there is no end to the number of ways we attempt to feel better than so that we can feel worthwhile or just not feel. It is seldom enough for any of us to be happy being who we are with our mixture of talents, abilities, limitations, and wide range of emotions.
A primary spiritual task is to keep moving closer to self-acceptance. When doubts and fears show up we do not have to return to our old ways of attempting to prove our worth. We can practice just noticing when we are allowing the fear of not enough to take over. We can learn to just notice, smile and remind ourselves that we are indeed enough.
Written January 31, 2018
This is step 7 of the 12 step recovery program which was first introduced by the founders of Alcoholic Anonymous but which has since been used by those attempting to reclaiming their lives from a variety of addictions. The 12-step literature clearly explains the application of this step.
I was meeting with a friend one recent evening. He brought up the subject of the 7th step. He has worked the 4th, 5th and 6th steps and is committed to working steps 8 through 12. The 7th step forces one to face the question of whether we are ready to let go of our shortcomings - to repeating the very same behavior. Obviously we are all going to keep on a path of growth and will uncover new shortcomings, but the goal is to not keep repeating the same mistakes over and over again.
I asked my friend what he considered his primary shortcomings. He mentioned behavior such as resentment/judging others and needing others to think he has the right answer. Of course, he also mentioned his history of addictive behavior.
I suggested that the behaviors he mentioned are symptoms of the primary shortcoming of all of us; the failure to trust or accept that we are enough; that we deserve love and respect as the sacred humans we are. By definition we are imperfect. We are always making mistakes. We experiment with many ways to avoid being with our fear of being us. We may use alcohol, other drugs, work, sex, stuff, money, power or other people to numb ourselves or to avoid ourselves. We may select a romantic partner because he or she looks good and will make us look good in the eyes of other people.
We judge other people because we do not want to the see the mirror of parts of ourselves. We convince ourselves that we could not go insane and do something terrible or we could not lose our temper and accidentally hurt someone. We like to think that we are incapable of being attracted to and even having sex with someone who is not our spouse. We want to think that any dishonestly we have is minor compared to the person who robs a bank or cheats others. We like to think that we are kind and forgiving “to those who deserve it”. We like to think that we are smart and have the right solutions or better solutions than others. This is not just a matter of having certain talents, which may be superior to that of some others. This is thinking that our talents are worth more thus making us worth more. We think if we are worth more we will be enough.
In so many ways we learn to say, “Look at me. Look at me.”
Being the creative creatures that we are there is no end to the number of ways we attempt to feel better than so that we can feel worthwhile or just not feel. It is seldom enough for any of us to be happy being who we are with our mixture of talents, abilities, limitations, and wide range of emotions.
A primary spiritual task is to keep moving closer to self-acceptance. When doubts and fears show up we do not have to return to our old ways of attempting to prove our worth. We can practice just noticing when we are allowing the fear of not enough to take over. We can learn to just notice, smile and remind ourselves that we are indeed enough.
Written January 31, 2018
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