I am too big to be held in the cradle of loving-kindness
If one goggles the phrase “to hold in the cradle of loving kindness” one gets many hits, each one attributing a similar phrase to various teachers. For example, the Shambhgala text, The Letter of Black Ashc says, “The mind of fearlessness should be put in the cradle of loving-kindness.” Gayle Van Gils in the book “Happier at Work: The Power of Love to Transform the Workplace Paper suggests “Hold your feelings in the cradle of Loving-Kindness.” My often-undependable memory tells me that I first heard the phrase from either Louise Hay or Ram Dass.
In the bible used by the Christian religion First Corinthians 13:11 states “When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me.” Yet in Matthew 18:3 Jesus is purported to have said, “Truly I tell you, unless you become like a little child, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven”
It certainly seems as if even in the New Testament there is a disagreement about how one should behave when one is an adult. Yet, upon closer examination perhaps there is no read disagreement. As children:
Often as adults:
Perhaps what appears to be conflicting advice in the New Testament is not in fact conflicting. Perhaps the problem is our tendency as adult’s to think in terms of dualities. When I heed the advice that I hold myself or allow myself to be held in the cradle of loving kindness I am allowing a place of rest in my humanness. I embrace who I am with all my various feelings and thoughts. When I embrace myself I am able to allow you to hold me in the cradle of loving-kindness. This is the place where I will gain the strength to slay the dragons of self-doubt, fear, and anxiety. This is the place where I will gain the strength to be honest, open-minded and the willingness to grow, explore, and learn.
I may feel to big to be held. Yet, no matter how large we are physically we can experience being figuratively and literally held. We may have to negotiate our relative positions. Tall or large men and women may need to be hugged sitting or lying down. Otherwise if there is a discrepancy in height, the tall person is doing the holding. Emotionally, we need to allow ourselves to quit thinking we are too big to be held, too big to rest for a moment in the strength and comfort of another person.
The paradox is that many of the qualities of children have to be reclaimed for us to truly claim our adulthood.
Written January 24, 2018
Jimmy F. Pickett
If one goggles the phrase “to hold in the cradle of loving kindness” one gets many hits, each one attributing a similar phrase to various teachers. For example, the Shambhgala text, The Letter of Black Ashc says, “The mind of fearlessness should be put in the cradle of loving-kindness.” Gayle Van Gils in the book “Happier at Work: The Power of Love to Transform the Workplace Paper suggests “Hold your feelings in the cradle of Loving-Kindness.” My often-undependable memory tells me that I first heard the phrase from either Louise Hay or Ram Dass.
In the bible used by the Christian religion First Corinthians 13:11 states “When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me.” Yet in Matthew 18:3 Jesus is purported to have said, “Truly I tell you, unless you become like a little child, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven”
It certainly seems as if even in the New Testament there is a disagreement about how one should behave when one is an adult. Yet, upon closer examination perhaps there is no read disagreement. As children:
- We are both fearless and fearful. We have to learn to balance the two with some reality testing and guidance.
- We trust our feelings until we learn not to trust them.
- We generalize the finding of our limited experience to the world at large.
- We are comfortable having a variety of feelings.
- We ask for help one moment and the next second we are proving our independence without seeing any contradiction.
- We are honest, open minded and willing.
Often as adults:
- We often believe we have to prove that we are independent and not interdependent.
- We come to identify with our feelings and may confuse who we are with our fear or our pain.
- We are dishonest, close-minded and unwilling to change.
- We function within a base of dualities – right/wrong, good/bad, masculine/feminine, strong/weak
Perhaps what appears to be conflicting advice in the New Testament is not in fact conflicting. Perhaps the problem is our tendency as adult’s to think in terms of dualities. When I heed the advice that I hold myself or allow myself to be held in the cradle of loving kindness I am allowing a place of rest in my humanness. I embrace who I am with all my various feelings and thoughts. When I embrace myself I am able to allow you to hold me in the cradle of loving-kindness. This is the place where I will gain the strength to slay the dragons of self-doubt, fear, and anxiety. This is the place where I will gain the strength to be honest, open-minded and the willingness to grow, explore, and learn.
I may feel to big to be held. Yet, no matter how large we are physically we can experience being figuratively and literally held. We may have to negotiate our relative positions. Tall or large men and women may need to be hugged sitting or lying down. Otherwise if there is a discrepancy in height, the tall person is doing the holding. Emotionally, we need to allow ourselves to quit thinking we are too big to be held, too big to rest for a moment in the strength and comfort of another person.
The paradox is that many of the qualities of children have to be reclaimed for us to truly claim our adulthood.
Written January 24, 2018
Jimmy F. Pickett
RSS Feed