“I don’t know.”
Pico Iyer who traveled with the Dalai Lama for eight Novembers, says of the Dalai Lama, “And the one thing he said every day that most seemed to give people reassurance and confidence was, “I don’t know.”
Pico goes on to say, “The opposite of knowledge, in other words, isn’t always ignorance. It can be wonder. Or mystery. Possibility. And in my life, I’ve found it’s the things I don’t know that have lifted me up and pushed me forwards much more than the things I do know. It’s also the things I don’t know that have brought me closer to everybody around me.”
Siddharth Pico Raghavan Iyer, known simply as Pico Iyer, is a British-born essayist and novelist of Indian origin, best known for his travel writing and to many of us for his wise sharing on such programs as “On Being” and his Ted talks such as the one from which I just quoted, “The beauty of what we’ll never know which was filmed in June 2016 at TEDSummit.”
The Dalai Lama does not just say, “I don’t know.” He offers a quiet, spiritual way of being present to an ongoing journey. Pico Iyer treats not knowing as a new possibility or a mystery to be unfolded. He tells many stories of walking into the unknown and finding a new friend, a new way of looking at something such as life itself or a new way of approaching a problem.
After listening to Pico Iyer’s Ted talk I had the opportunity to explore a technical issue with a computer trouble shooter and then later an opportunity to talk with someone who was “explaining” to me why something had not happened. In both cases, I was fine with the person to whom I was talking not knowing the answer, but frustrated with the list of reasons why they did not know or blaming the issue on someone or something else. What I wanted to hear was, “Let’s problem solve or get someone else to problem solve and find a new way of approaching these issues.” For me that is always an encouraging response.
It is my goal to first notice if I am focused on being disappointed or frustrated with myself for not knowing something and then to refocus on exploring solutions. Sometimes the solution is acceptance of a particular situation or the result of what seems to be the best solution. For example, one of the solutions to one of the computer issues is to guess when the new operating system was installed and then restore the computer to the old operating system causing me to lose any work I have done and not backed up between the two times. I can just accept that is what I will have to do and then step-by-step do what I need to do regarding lost material. Other options include:
Continue to explore possible fixes without changing the operating system.
Focus on the fact that I have talked to some delightful individuals living in various locations. Some of my closest friends and mentors resulted from such “chance” encounters.
Keep the issue in perspective. Many people in the world would be delighted at having their most frustrating issue of the day a computer issue.
I could make a very long list of what I choose to call blessings which have come out of not knowing something and having to go on a search for more knowledge or exploring a door which opened as a result of not knowing.
Some of us have had the experience of being told that we were stupid, bad, incompetent or worthless because we did not know something. We may have come to believe that we need to lie to ourselves and others for not knowing and/or using up a lot of energy beating up on ourselves for now knowing.
When someone as spiritually wise and well-known as the Dalai Lama says that “I don’t know.” he is showing people, by example, that it is okay to be human – that the journey is indeed what is important and not the end goal. He is demonstrating that it is okay to not know and that it takes great courage to simply say that. He is saying that all learning starts with not knowing. I am sure that the reason folks are so comforted is that they are reassured that it is okay to not know – that they can be deserving of love and respect if they do not know.
Just the other day I had this inane conversation with someone who insisted that the only way something could have happened was X. I know for a fact that X did not happen because it would have required me to log into my Apple account with a different password than I did. I can only log in using my email and password or by changing my password. If I had changed my password, I would have had to use the new password while talking to the person on the phone. I did not. I used the old password. I felt as if I needed to defend myself. The “expert” to whom I was talking could not allow herself to say that obviously what she thought and had been taught to be true 100% of the time was not true. That was a simple answer which could then led to exploring some possibilities which the company staff had not considered. A few days ago I was talking to someone else who said that X did not exist. This involved a record of incoming revenue from a third party. Of course, all companies have to keep a precise record of all incoming revenue. The size of this company meant that it is regularly audited. This would be a part of the revenue. The person on the phone insisted on telling me that the information was not recorded anywhere in the company.
My lessons in these experiences were:
See these experiences as a mirror for what I may sometimes do – at least be open to the possibility of a mirror.
Be intentional about practicing saying “I don’t know.”
Use not knowing as an opportunity to learn or to explore new possibilities.
All this sounds very simple and very basic. Yet, I “know” that I need the reminders from such gifted and generous teachers as the Dalai Lama and Pico Iyer. It is not only safe to say I don’t know; it opens doors which always lead to the possibility of a richer life.
Written October 14 2016
Pico Iyer who traveled with the Dalai Lama for eight Novembers, says of the Dalai Lama, “And the one thing he said every day that most seemed to give people reassurance and confidence was, “I don’t know.”
Pico goes on to say, “The opposite of knowledge, in other words, isn’t always ignorance. It can be wonder. Or mystery. Possibility. And in my life, I’ve found it’s the things I don’t know that have lifted me up and pushed me forwards much more than the things I do know. It’s also the things I don’t know that have brought me closer to everybody around me.”
Siddharth Pico Raghavan Iyer, known simply as Pico Iyer, is a British-born essayist and novelist of Indian origin, best known for his travel writing and to many of us for his wise sharing on such programs as “On Being” and his Ted talks such as the one from which I just quoted, “The beauty of what we’ll never know which was filmed in June 2016 at TEDSummit.”
The Dalai Lama does not just say, “I don’t know.” He offers a quiet, spiritual way of being present to an ongoing journey. Pico Iyer treats not knowing as a new possibility or a mystery to be unfolded. He tells many stories of walking into the unknown and finding a new friend, a new way of looking at something such as life itself or a new way of approaching a problem.
After listening to Pico Iyer’s Ted talk I had the opportunity to explore a technical issue with a computer trouble shooter and then later an opportunity to talk with someone who was “explaining” to me why something had not happened. In both cases, I was fine with the person to whom I was talking not knowing the answer, but frustrated with the list of reasons why they did not know or blaming the issue on someone or something else. What I wanted to hear was, “Let’s problem solve or get someone else to problem solve and find a new way of approaching these issues.” For me that is always an encouraging response.
It is my goal to first notice if I am focused on being disappointed or frustrated with myself for not knowing something and then to refocus on exploring solutions. Sometimes the solution is acceptance of a particular situation or the result of what seems to be the best solution. For example, one of the solutions to one of the computer issues is to guess when the new operating system was installed and then restore the computer to the old operating system causing me to lose any work I have done and not backed up between the two times. I can just accept that is what I will have to do and then step-by-step do what I need to do regarding lost material. Other options include:
Continue to explore possible fixes without changing the operating system.
Focus on the fact that I have talked to some delightful individuals living in various locations. Some of my closest friends and mentors resulted from such “chance” encounters.
Keep the issue in perspective. Many people in the world would be delighted at having their most frustrating issue of the day a computer issue.
I could make a very long list of what I choose to call blessings which have come out of not knowing something and having to go on a search for more knowledge or exploring a door which opened as a result of not knowing.
Some of us have had the experience of being told that we were stupid, bad, incompetent or worthless because we did not know something. We may have come to believe that we need to lie to ourselves and others for not knowing and/or using up a lot of energy beating up on ourselves for now knowing.
When someone as spiritually wise and well-known as the Dalai Lama says that “I don’t know.” he is showing people, by example, that it is okay to be human – that the journey is indeed what is important and not the end goal. He is demonstrating that it is okay to not know and that it takes great courage to simply say that. He is saying that all learning starts with not knowing. I am sure that the reason folks are so comforted is that they are reassured that it is okay to not know – that they can be deserving of love and respect if they do not know.
Just the other day I had this inane conversation with someone who insisted that the only way something could have happened was X. I know for a fact that X did not happen because it would have required me to log into my Apple account with a different password than I did. I can only log in using my email and password or by changing my password. If I had changed my password, I would have had to use the new password while talking to the person on the phone. I did not. I used the old password. I felt as if I needed to defend myself. The “expert” to whom I was talking could not allow herself to say that obviously what she thought and had been taught to be true 100% of the time was not true. That was a simple answer which could then led to exploring some possibilities which the company staff had not considered. A few days ago I was talking to someone else who said that X did not exist. This involved a record of incoming revenue from a third party. Of course, all companies have to keep a precise record of all incoming revenue. The size of this company meant that it is regularly audited. This would be a part of the revenue. The person on the phone insisted on telling me that the information was not recorded anywhere in the company.
My lessons in these experiences were:
See these experiences as a mirror for what I may sometimes do – at least be open to the possibility of a mirror.
Be intentional about practicing saying “I don’t know.”
Use not knowing as an opportunity to learn or to explore new possibilities.
All this sounds very simple and very basic. Yet, I “know” that I need the reminders from such gifted and generous teachers as the Dalai Lama and Pico Iyer. It is not only safe to say I don’t know; it opens doors which always lead to the possibility of a richer life.
Written October 14 2016
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