I have, have you?
The new host of Prairie Home Companion is Chris Thile. The show is much the same and much different than when Garrison Keeler hosted it. One of the new segments of the show features Tom Papa out and about in America. He recounts various awkward or embarrassing moments which he begins with “Have you ever… I have.” For example, “Have you ever leaned back on your bar stool and realized there is no back rest? I have.” He delivers these antidotes in a very dry matter of fact manner implying that we can all relate to that or a similar experience.
Tom Papa reminds us humans that we are genetically designed to be connected to a community or group. We feel better when we know we are “normal”. At the same time, we seem to believe that we are not enough and we want to prove that we are better than or more than. We are the only animal species which questions – actually often obsesses – about our worth. We are constantly attempting to prove that we are worthy of love by proving how different we are while looking for similarities. If we are powerful and rich enough we might build the equivalent of a pyramid. The fact that the building of a pyramid might result in the deprivation of many others and even in the death of many can be outweighed by the perceived need to be remembered.
Of course, there are those humans who only feel safe connected to a wilderness environment including perhaps the animals in the wilderness.
Some of us spend a lifetime attaching ourselves to a family or a group which either does not have what we want or need or only provides one temporary conditional acceptance. One may, for example, joins a gang community which promises to protect one. Sadly, one may have to constantly prove one’s allegiance or loyalty by harming others. Many dysfunctional families function similarly. The love and acceptance is very conditional. One is only treated as a valued family member if one does what family members want/need/demand.
Tom Papa might say: “Have you even gone back to the same people expecting them to be the people which exist only in your mind? I have.”
One might stay with a family, a partner, an employer, or a profession which does not have what one wants or needs for a very long time. Sometimes, in fact, one will spend a life journey inventing a new person, family, or employer in one’s mind only to find day-by-day they are exactly who they always were. They did not get the memo instructing them on the changes they would make.
Tom Papa might decide that all bar stools will have backs on them and then proceed to lean back on every bar stool he sits. He will fall ever time. He might at some point then say, “Have you ever decided you had the power to change backless bar stools to ones with backs by sheer will power? I have.”
Fortunately it is never too late and we are never too old to identify with the Tom Papa’s of the world, embrace our own humanness (with a smile) and find that partner, family or employer who does have what we need. One might quit blaming one’s misery on the other person(s) or situation and begin to examine one’s expectations. There is nothing wrong with the backless bar stool but one should not try leaning back on it.
Written April 17, 2018
The new host of Prairie Home Companion is Chris Thile. The show is much the same and much different than when Garrison Keeler hosted it. One of the new segments of the show features Tom Papa out and about in America. He recounts various awkward or embarrassing moments which he begins with “Have you ever… I have.” For example, “Have you ever leaned back on your bar stool and realized there is no back rest? I have.” He delivers these antidotes in a very dry matter of fact manner implying that we can all relate to that or a similar experience.
Tom Papa reminds us humans that we are genetically designed to be connected to a community or group. We feel better when we know we are “normal”. At the same time, we seem to believe that we are not enough and we want to prove that we are better than or more than. We are the only animal species which questions – actually often obsesses – about our worth. We are constantly attempting to prove that we are worthy of love by proving how different we are while looking for similarities. If we are powerful and rich enough we might build the equivalent of a pyramid. The fact that the building of a pyramid might result in the deprivation of many others and even in the death of many can be outweighed by the perceived need to be remembered.
Of course, there are those humans who only feel safe connected to a wilderness environment including perhaps the animals in the wilderness.
Some of us spend a lifetime attaching ourselves to a family or a group which either does not have what we want or need or only provides one temporary conditional acceptance. One may, for example, joins a gang community which promises to protect one. Sadly, one may have to constantly prove one’s allegiance or loyalty by harming others. Many dysfunctional families function similarly. The love and acceptance is very conditional. One is only treated as a valued family member if one does what family members want/need/demand.
Tom Papa might say: “Have you even gone back to the same people expecting them to be the people which exist only in your mind? I have.”
One might stay with a family, a partner, an employer, or a profession which does not have what one wants or needs for a very long time. Sometimes, in fact, one will spend a life journey inventing a new person, family, or employer in one’s mind only to find day-by-day they are exactly who they always were. They did not get the memo instructing them on the changes they would make.
Tom Papa might decide that all bar stools will have backs on them and then proceed to lean back on every bar stool he sits. He will fall ever time. He might at some point then say, “Have you ever decided you had the power to change backless bar stools to ones with backs by sheer will power? I have.”
Fortunately it is never too late and we are never too old to identify with the Tom Papa’s of the world, embrace our own humanness (with a smile) and find that partner, family or employer who does have what we need. One might quit blaming one’s misery on the other person(s) or situation and begin to examine one’s expectations. There is nothing wrong with the backless bar stool but one should not try leaning back on it.
Written April 17, 2018
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