Identity crisis alpha male or pajama man
I was surprised to hear a top advisor to President Trump extol the virtues of alpha males now being in top positions to advise the President and help run this country. Consider the following:
“Breitbart News National Security editor, Dr. Sebastian Gorka, author of the best-selling book Defeating Jihad: The Winnable War, joined SiriusXM host Raheem Kassam on Friday’s Breitbart News Daily to talk about the final act of the secretary of state drama,
“I’d like to recognize the fact that after eight years of Pajama Boys, it’s time for the alpha males to come back,” he added. “How appropriate that we’ve got three Marines from the same division, legendary figures in uniform, to represent three of the key posts in the new administration! The fact is, having met Donald Trump a long time ago, and talking about national security issues, one of the first things that was clear to me from this businessman, this very special businessman, is that he understands we are at war, Raheem. He gets it. And he wants to win that war. He knows he’s not going to do it with limp-wristed Pajama Boys. Who better than a bunch of legendary Devil Dogs to do it? So yeah, it’s baloney, and it’s very cool in my opinion.”
I was a bit confused by his comparison of alpha males to pajama men. I heard this while driving in the car and could not wait to get home to google the term. I did make some assumptions when this same advisor seem to equate pajama men and limp-wristed men.
I discovered that the term was born out of attempt to promote the affordable care legislation.
The photo was posted on December 17, 2013 by the organization which advocated for the legislative agenda of President Barack Obama, from President Obama's own Twitter account. It was part of a general campaign to get younger Americans to sign up for the health insurance program. The photo showed Krupp wearing thick-rimmed glasses, wearing black-and-red plaid onesie pajamas, and cradling a mug. The accompanying text read: "Wear pajamas. Drink hot chocolate. Talk about getting health insurance. #Get Talking."[2] The tweet linked to the OFA website, which encouraged individuals to discuss Obamacare during the holiday season with those family members that are uninsured, and encouraged them to sign up.[3][4]
The tweet and pajama-clad man featured in it were quickly dubbed "Pajama Boy", and mocked across social media, particularly by conservatives.[5]
(Wikipedia.com)
I have often written about the character traits that we intentionally and unintentionally teach our sons. I suppose part of me likes to think that we are at a stage of history when we males have learned to respect both men and women and want to work towards becoming partners and members of a more cooperative society in general. I am not so naive as to think that all males have evolved to aspire to these goals. Yet, when I googled alpha males I was a bit surprised to find a significant number of sites devoted to teaching men how to become alpha males. For example, there is a site entitled “tobealpha.com.” The authors or creators of this site list what they consider the primary positive character traits of an alpha male. These include:
· Persevering,
· Do not try to be everyone’s friend,
· Are not afraid to stand out.
· Do not need external validation – do what makes them happy and not what makes others happy.
· Non-reactive – not emotional.
· Strong – are in shape.
· Know how to dress.
· Calm under pressure.
· Aren’t afraid to get physical.
· Strong eye contact.
· They get the girl – understand their role as a man – not afraid to express their sexuality.
· Take chances.
· Dominant – tell people what to do – King of the mountain.
· Position themselves.
· Walk like the shit – swagger.
· Strong body language.
· Have presence.
· Competitive.
· Mentally tough.
· Confident – knows that they are the shit.
Another site (askmen.com) has a list of behaviors which an alpha male should never do. These include:
· Never allow a woman to pay.
· Never apologize.
· Never suck up to leaders.
· Do not gossip.
· Do not panic in a crisis.
· Do not react.
· Do not blame others.
· Do not bully others.
· Do not betray others to get ahead.
Obviously, some of the mentioned behaviors are desirable for males and females. Not blaming others, acting and not reacting, not betraying others and not bullying others are very desirable behaviors. So are being mentally tough, confident, being calm under pressure and taking care of oneself physically. On the other hand, the overall sense I get about the alpha male from various websites and recommended books is that respecting women as equals, working as a cooperative team, being able to admit that one is wrong are not desirable traits. Although there is a prohibition against bullying many of the character traits are that of an arrogant bully. The very fact that this advisor to the President talks about alpha males and not alpha people says a lot.
The urban dictionary says of the alpha male:
“The alpha male is an act that is performed by males usually in their teens and twenties who act tough, are loud, and have to be the center of attention or they feel insecure. When a man is successful and in his thirties, he no longer acts this way because he has grown up and realized that the entire alpha male act is phony. When was the last time you saw a rich, successful man try to pick a fight??? Never. The only guys that do this are the losers that go to bars to take their anger out because they are angry inside for going nowhere in life.
35 yr old alpha male at the bar, “I’m bald, fat, I make 7 dollars an hour and I work a job I hate...what are you looking at? Do you want to fight? I need to kick someone’s ass today because my boss ripped me a new asshole for burning the fries at McDonalds and I need to take it out on someone."
Yet, the urban dictionary does not allow for the possibility that a rich, successful (financially) man can still aspire to be an alpha male. This dictionary makes the same mistake that many make when it stereotypes those who feel ignored or not important in the current body politic. Although one might hope that all males who get a formal education and/or otherwise make a decent income have moved past needing to prove their manhood by adopting the behaviors mentioned above, that certainly is not always the case. Dr. Gorka is an educated man who by all appearances is financially successful. Yet, he apparently sincerely believes that we need alpha males to run this country and, by implication to run families and communities. There is no indication that he or others who extol the virtues of the alpha male are using the term in a general sense to refer to both males and female leaders. Certainly, he does not see President Obama as an alpha male.
While I like to think of myself as a physically fit, mentally healthy man I would like to think I have a healthy respect for the qualities in men and women which might allow us to more toward creating a more cooperative, just, loving society in which resources are shared by all. Apparently, I may be more of a pajama man than an alpha male. Perhaps we need to proudly claim the status of pajama men and women. Pass the hot chocolate please.
Written March 22, 2017
I was surprised to hear a top advisor to President Trump extol the virtues of alpha males now being in top positions to advise the President and help run this country. Consider the following:
“Breitbart News National Security editor, Dr. Sebastian Gorka, author of the best-selling book Defeating Jihad: The Winnable War, joined SiriusXM host Raheem Kassam on Friday’s Breitbart News Daily to talk about the final act of the secretary of state drama,
“I’d like to recognize the fact that after eight years of Pajama Boys, it’s time for the alpha males to come back,” he added. “How appropriate that we’ve got three Marines from the same division, legendary figures in uniform, to represent three of the key posts in the new administration! The fact is, having met Donald Trump a long time ago, and talking about national security issues, one of the first things that was clear to me from this businessman, this very special businessman, is that he understands we are at war, Raheem. He gets it. And he wants to win that war. He knows he’s not going to do it with limp-wristed Pajama Boys. Who better than a bunch of legendary Devil Dogs to do it? So yeah, it’s baloney, and it’s very cool in my opinion.”
I was a bit confused by his comparison of alpha males to pajama men. I heard this while driving in the car and could not wait to get home to google the term. I did make some assumptions when this same advisor seem to equate pajama men and limp-wristed men.
I discovered that the term was born out of attempt to promote the affordable care legislation.
The photo was posted on December 17, 2013 by the organization which advocated for the legislative agenda of President Barack Obama, from President Obama's own Twitter account. It was part of a general campaign to get younger Americans to sign up for the health insurance program. The photo showed Krupp wearing thick-rimmed glasses, wearing black-and-red plaid onesie pajamas, and cradling a mug. The accompanying text read: "Wear pajamas. Drink hot chocolate. Talk about getting health insurance. #Get Talking."[2] The tweet linked to the OFA website, which encouraged individuals to discuss Obamacare during the holiday season with those family members that are uninsured, and encouraged them to sign up.[3][4]
The tweet and pajama-clad man featured in it were quickly dubbed "Pajama Boy", and mocked across social media, particularly by conservatives.[5]
(Wikipedia.com)
I have often written about the character traits that we intentionally and unintentionally teach our sons. I suppose part of me likes to think that we are at a stage of history when we males have learned to respect both men and women and want to work towards becoming partners and members of a more cooperative society in general. I am not so naive as to think that all males have evolved to aspire to these goals. Yet, when I googled alpha males I was a bit surprised to find a significant number of sites devoted to teaching men how to become alpha males. For example, there is a site entitled “tobealpha.com.” The authors or creators of this site list what they consider the primary positive character traits of an alpha male. These include:
· Persevering,
· Do not try to be everyone’s friend,
· Are not afraid to stand out.
· Do not need external validation – do what makes them happy and not what makes others happy.
· Non-reactive – not emotional.
· Strong – are in shape.
· Know how to dress.
· Calm under pressure.
· Aren’t afraid to get physical.
· Strong eye contact.
· They get the girl – understand their role as a man – not afraid to express their sexuality.
· Take chances.
· Dominant – tell people what to do – King of the mountain.
· Position themselves.
· Walk like the shit – swagger.
· Strong body language.
· Have presence.
· Competitive.
· Mentally tough.
· Confident – knows that they are the shit.
Another site (askmen.com) has a list of behaviors which an alpha male should never do. These include:
· Never allow a woman to pay.
· Never apologize.
· Never suck up to leaders.
· Do not gossip.
· Do not panic in a crisis.
· Do not react.
· Do not blame others.
· Do not bully others.
· Do not betray others to get ahead.
Obviously, some of the mentioned behaviors are desirable for males and females. Not blaming others, acting and not reacting, not betraying others and not bullying others are very desirable behaviors. So are being mentally tough, confident, being calm under pressure and taking care of oneself physically. On the other hand, the overall sense I get about the alpha male from various websites and recommended books is that respecting women as equals, working as a cooperative team, being able to admit that one is wrong are not desirable traits. Although there is a prohibition against bullying many of the character traits are that of an arrogant bully. The very fact that this advisor to the President talks about alpha males and not alpha people says a lot.
The urban dictionary says of the alpha male:
“The alpha male is an act that is performed by males usually in their teens and twenties who act tough, are loud, and have to be the center of attention or they feel insecure. When a man is successful and in his thirties, he no longer acts this way because he has grown up and realized that the entire alpha male act is phony. When was the last time you saw a rich, successful man try to pick a fight??? Never. The only guys that do this are the losers that go to bars to take their anger out because they are angry inside for going nowhere in life.
35 yr old alpha male at the bar, “I’m bald, fat, I make 7 dollars an hour and I work a job I hate...what are you looking at? Do you want to fight? I need to kick someone’s ass today because my boss ripped me a new asshole for burning the fries at McDonalds and I need to take it out on someone."
Yet, the urban dictionary does not allow for the possibility that a rich, successful (financially) man can still aspire to be an alpha male. This dictionary makes the same mistake that many make when it stereotypes those who feel ignored or not important in the current body politic. Although one might hope that all males who get a formal education and/or otherwise make a decent income have moved past needing to prove their manhood by adopting the behaviors mentioned above, that certainly is not always the case. Dr. Gorka is an educated man who by all appearances is financially successful. Yet, he apparently sincerely believes that we need alpha males to run this country and, by implication to run families and communities. There is no indication that he or others who extol the virtues of the alpha male are using the term in a general sense to refer to both males and female leaders. Certainly, he does not see President Obama as an alpha male.
While I like to think of myself as a physically fit, mentally healthy man I would like to think I have a healthy respect for the qualities in men and women which might allow us to more toward creating a more cooperative, just, loving society in which resources are shared by all. Apparently, I may be more of a pajama man than an alpha male. Perhaps we need to proudly claim the status of pajama men and women. Pass the hot chocolate please.
Written March 22, 2017
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