One of the challenges which everyone faces is to grow past or out of the identity which one has been assigned at birth or later. Identities which may be assigned include gender, race, nationality, religious, profession and for many an illness such as addiction, depression, or autism; a political affiliation, or a status such as criminal, immigrant, foreigner, or some other. One can assign identity to oneself or accept assignment by a community.
Sometimes I help to facilitate a group therapy session with a group of people in the early stages of recovery from addiction. Often, many of those individuals will define themselves by the deeds they committed while their brain was kidnapped by the addiction. They may be so filled with shame and remorse that they cannot accept that they are worthy of forgiveness and love.
The terms illegal and immigrants have, especially, during the past couple of years, been used as an identity so that all will know that those with those labels are not worthy of a safe home or basic human rights.
The terms American has often in the history of this country been used to determine who is truly worthy respect and basic rights. The term American further is used as a synonym for a United States Citizen. Yes, it is true that I am an American but so are those who are citizens of the other 53 countries and dependent territories comprising the Americas.
Rebecca Hwang was 6 when her family immigrated from Korea to Argentina. For many years, as she details in her Ted Talk entitled “The power of diversity within oneself”, she sought identify in her geographical heritage. Yet, in Argentina she was seen as Korean and in Korea she was seen as Argentinean or Spanish (because of her accent). Later she was a student and then she was “an inventor, entrepreneur, and social innovator. The I became an investor, a woman in tech, at teacher. And most recently, I became a mom.” Before becoming a mom, she married a man from Denmark. Their children were born with three nationalities and four languages.
Ms. Hwang now says, “…my identify quest is no longer to find my tribe. It’s more about allowing myself to embrace all the possible permutation of myself and cultivating diversity within me and not just around me.”
We all want to feel as if we belong. Humans are social animals. Often when architects and city planner design buildings they forget this fact and design sets of individuals boxes where many live and die feeling isolated and alone.
We are all more than any one label. What we share with other humans is being a part of larger whole comprised of may desires, ancestors, feelings, talents, mistakes, and possibilities. We are have traits which have been labeled as masculine or feminine – often for reasons associated with the desire for power which is grounded in a desire to be important/worthwhile – of a particular sexual orientation, a nationality, an ancestral background, smart or dumb depending what of the mind’s creation is valued by a small group, a behavior which makes others uncomfortable, a disease or other conditions which determines the firing of the brain’s synapses which in terms determines thoughts or actions.
It is good to know that we belong to various groups who can work together to find a cure for cancer, to more effectively treat PTSD, treat addiction, find cleaner and cheaper fuels, make music, refine a sporting skill or create art. We can belong to a multitude of groups all being a part of our identify as complicated, diverse, creative human choreographing a dance of many hues, colors, tones and notes.
Written August 8, 2018