In God’s time?
As I was reading The Wall Street Journal, the Huffington Post, and other on line news reports I was also thinking of families and relationships. I am tempted when reading news or responding to friends and clients who are going through a tough time to get snarly with the God of my understanding.
Of course, I am inclined to think that the God of my understanding is taking a nap or on vacation. I mean, really! There are serious issues affecting many countries including many waging war in the name of the God of their understanding, so-called natural disasters, many making more money than is in the big bank in the sky (what is the interest rate these days), and many are living without food, clothing or medical care. I sit here in a hospital room with my one sister while our mother lives out another day for no apparent reason. Later today the family has to face the fact that the hospital is not allowed by insurance coverage to keep her since there is no more they can do medically to help her heal/recover.
I respond to email and texts from people who are hurting because they cannot have the love relationship they so desperately want and deserve. Many feel angry, lonely, and overwhelmed with being single parents or the responsibility for the care of other loved ones.
As my readers know, I have been thinking a lot lately about the various stories which have shaped and continue to shape my story. Of course, my story also affects and helps to shape the story of others. My acts of omission and commission affect others profoundly. I don’t do enough. I do too much. I am insensitive. I am sugar coating issues and events. I speak in platitudes. I am too direct. I am not direct enough!
I listen to others here at the hospital where I have been staying with other family members as we sit attempting to give meager comfort to mother who is tired and ready for whatever follows this life journey.
I just responded to an email and “heard myself’ offering a not very comforting reminder, “All in God’s time. We always get what we need to grow spiritually and emotionally.” At the same time part of me feels. “Oh yeah! When He, She or “I am” gets up from their totally unnecessary siesta or end of winter/early spring vacation perhaps something will happen.” In the meantime, the world is falling apart despite the magic of Apple watches, 3-D printing, stem-cell research and treatment, and the amazing music, writing, dance, and other art we humans offer up each day. Some of those with whom I chatted this morning ache with love that they cannot share because of various factors. Obviously these are factors which a God of one’s understanding, if He, She, It had any power or compassion could easily remedy. Yet, nothing. Or so it seems.
The beauty of having lived as many years as I have is the increasing ability to “see” how all the pieces of this journey fit together. If A had not happened, B could not have happened and then C could not have happened and so forth. Given the fact that I have long been a student of systems – only on the conceptual level and minimally on the practical level – it is fascinating to me that all the blessings in my life were dependent on all the past events of my life. I receive a loving Facebook/message note from my first wife, the mother of our son, with whom I shared a volley of accusations at a point on (or is it in) the vortex of our journey. At one point in that marriage when I was also a graduate student, working, the father of a new child, and getting ready for professional exams, I was standing in Washington Park convinced that like Humpty Dumpty I was soon going to fall and break into a million hurting pieces and could never be reassembled! Didn’t He, She, It, know that I could only take so much?
I could and have spent hours regretting that I treated dear friends like a piece of the wedding cake which we could and did put in the freezer to take out and enjoy a year or more later.
The moments of abject loneliness which could have been relieved by the person who I “knew” was meant to be my nurturing life partner if put together could fill the space destroyed by mountain top mining in West Virginia. If only He, She, It would have been paying attention and not cavorting with the souls of the deceased, I would have gotten exactly what I needed to have the life I deserved. If only…..
The irony is, of course, that if any of those past events were changed I would not be sitting here in the hospital room of my mother with my sisters and various others who come by to offer words of love, a smile or a joke. My life, at this moment, is, even from the limited often selfish perspective of this human, perfect.
Darn! All those seemingly annoying platitudes are true. Apparently the God of my understanding is not sleeping, off on vacation or intermingling while taking advantage of now legal marijuana (I suppose the earthly laws do not make a universal difference.) and doing “God knows what!” I do indeed get exactly what I need to grow spiritually. It is all good. Well, except for …. “No exceptions?” Surely… Nope. None!
Written April 26, 2016
As I was reading The Wall Street Journal, the Huffington Post, and other on line news reports I was also thinking of families and relationships. I am tempted when reading news or responding to friends and clients who are going through a tough time to get snarly with the God of my understanding.
Of course, I am inclined to think that the God of my understanding is taking a nap or on vacation. I mean, really! There are serious issues affecting many countries including many waging war in the name of the God of their understanding, so-called natural disasters, many making more money than is in the big bank in the sky (what is the interest rate these days), and many are living without food, clothing or medical care. I sit here in a hospital room with my one sister while our mother lives out another day for no apparent reason. Later today the family has to face the fact that the hospital is not allowed by insurance coverage to keep her since there is no more they can do medically to help her heal/recover.
I respond to email and texts from people who are hurting because they cannot have the love relationship they so desperately want and deserve. Many feel angry, lonely, and overwhelmed with being single parents or the responsibility for the care of other loved ones.
As my readers know, I have been thinking a lot lately about the various stories which have shaped and continue to shape my story. Of course, my story also affects and helps to shape the story of others. My acts of omission and commission affect others profoundly. I don’t do enough. I do too much. I am insensitive. I am sugar coating issues and events. I speak in platitudes. I am too direct. I am not direct enough!
I listen to others here at the hospital where I have been staying with other family members as we sit attempting to give meager comfort to mother who is tired and ready for whatever follows this life journey.
I just responded to an email and “heard myself’ offering a not very comforting reminder, “All in God’s time. We always get what we need to grow spiritually and emotionally.” At the same time part of me feels. “Oh yeah! When He, She or “I am” gets up from their totally unnecessary siesta or end of winter/early spring vacation perhaps something will happen.” In the meantime, the world is falling apart despite the magic of Apple watches, 3-D printing, stem-cell research and treatment, and the amazing music, writing, dance, and other art we humans offer up each day. Some of those with whom I chatted this morning ache with love that they cannot share because of various factors. Obviously these are factors which a God of one’s understanding, if He, She, It had any power or compassion could easily remedy. Yet, nothing. Or so it seems.
The beauty of having lived as many years as I have is the increasing ability to “see” how all the pieces of this journey fit together. If A had not happened, B could not have happened and then C could not have happened and so forth. Given the fact that I have long been a student of systems – only on the conceptual level and minimally on the practical level – it is fascinating to me that all the blessings in my life were dependent on all the past events of my life. I receive a loving Facebook/message note from my first wife, the mother of our son, with whom I shared a volley of accusations at a point on (or is it in) the vortex of our journey. At one point in that marriage when I was also a graduate student, working, the father of a new child, and getting ready for professional exams, I was standing in Washington Park convinced that like Humpty Dumpty I was soon going to fall and break into a million hurting pieces and could never be reassembled! Didn’t He, She, It, know that I could only take so much?
I could and have spent hours regretting that I treated dear friends like a piece of the wedding cake which we could and did put in the freezer to take out and enjoy a year or more later.
The moments of abject loneliness which could have been relieved by the person who I “knew” was meant to be my nurturing life partner if put together could fill the space destroyed by mountain top mining in West Virginia. If only He, She, It would have been paying attention and not cavorting with the souls of the deceased, I would have gotten exactly what I needed to have the life I deserved. If only…..
The irony is, of course, that if any of those past events were changed I would not be sitting here in the hospital room of my mother with my sisters and various others who come by to offer words of love, a smile or a joke. My life, at this moment, is, even from the limited often selfish perspective of this human, perfect.
Darn! All those seemingly annoying platitudes are true. Apparently the God of my understanding is not sleeping, off on vacation or intermingling while taking advantage of now legal marijuana (I suppose the earthly laws do not make a universal difference.) and doing “God knows what!” I do indeed get exactly what I need to grow spiritually. It is all good. Well, except for …. “No exceptions?” Surely… Nope. None!
Written April 26, 2016
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