It don’t matter
Years ago, someone told me the story of the man who was shopping at the lingerie store for a bra, panties and slip. The clerk attempt to sell him items which were sexy and expensive. The man kept saying, “It don’t matter.” The clerk tried her best, but the man kept giving the same response, “It don’t matter.” Finally, he explained that the items were for his deceased wife as she lay in her coffin. He wanted her to have nice things as folks gave thanks for her journey, but he also recognized it did not matter.
A friend is attempting to quit smoking and gets very discouraged and mad at himself when he gives in and buys another pack of cigarettes. He is smoking very little but knows that he is an addict and if he continues to smoke will soon be back to a pack or more a day. I said to him, “I would love to see you quit, but at another level it don’t matter. Life is only ten minutes long at the most. Whether you smoke or not does not change what I love and admire about you – your loving, kind heart and your courage to keep growing emotionally and spiritually. It is never either or. It is always both and neither. When you make not smoking such a test of your character, you get more stressed and are likely to smoke more which leads to more self-recrimination which …. Whether you stop smoking or not you are going to die in a very short time. We are all. Not smoking could make it easier for you to enjoy these few minutes of life but you will still die. Relax, do your best and just notice the outcome. It don’t matter and yet it matters.”
Holding two opposing thoughts in one’s mind at the same time takes practice. We can all learn to do it. It seems to be part of our human nature to set goals or have expectations of ourselves and others. If we are not careful we make attainment of those goals or realization of those expectations a test of our character or moral worth or a test of that of others. I often quote Ram Dass, “We are all just walking each other home.” Not much matters and all matters. It mattes a lot to me that I do my best to be a loving friend, father, brother, uncle, therapist, person today. Yet if I die in the next ten minutes it does not matter. If I live another 20 years that is okay too, All I have to do is to do my best to accept my humanness, the humanness of others, and mother nature as she is this moment. My best today may fall way short of my own hopes and the expectations of others. My best today my exceed my hope and the expectations of others. Either way it will be my best.
I was in a museum yesterday. One of the displays was tracing the history of this piece of the earth for millions of years. I love being reminded of this perspective. Over a span of millions of years not much matters and yet everything matter. Every action or inaction of mine affects the entire universe at some level and yet, over millions of years the effect is undiscernible.
Just for today I will remind myself the more I relax and accept these opposing truths the better my best.
“It don’t matter. It matters a lot.”
Written July 23, 2020
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
Years ago, someone told me the story of the man who was shopping at the lingerie store for a bra, panties and slip. The clerk attempt to sell him items which were sexy and expensive. The man kept saying, “It don’t matter.” The clerk tried her best, but the man kept giving the same response, “It don’t matter.” Finally, he explained that the items were for his deceased wife as she lay in her coffin. He wanted her to have nice things as folks gave thanks for her journey, but he also recognized it did not matter.
A friend is attempting to quit smoking and gets very discouraged and mad at himself when he gives in and buys another pack of cigarettes. He is smoking very little but knows that he is an addict and if he continues to smoke will soon be back to a pack or more a day. I said to him, “I would love to see you quit, but at another level it don’t matter. Life is only ten minutes long at the most. Whether you smoke or not does not change what I love and admire about you – your loving, kind heart and your courage to keep growing emotionally and spiritually. It is never either or. It is always both and neither. When you make not smoking such a test of your character, you get more stressed and are likely to smoke more which leads to more self-recrimination which …. Whether you stop smoking or not you are going to die in a very short time. We are all. Not smoking could make it easier for you to enjoy these few minutes of life but you will still die. Relax, do your best and just notice the outcome. It don’t matter and yet it matters.”
Holding two opposing thoughts in one’s mind at the same time takes practice. We can all learn to do it. It seems to be part of our human nature to set goals or have expectations of ourselves and others. If we are not careful we make attainment of those goals or realization of those expectations a test of our character or moral worth or a test of that of others. I often quote Ram Dass, “We are all just walking each other home.” Not much matters and all matters. It mattes a lot to me that I do my best to be a loving friend, father, brother, uncle, therapist, person today. Yet if I die in the next ten minutes it does not matter. If I live another 20 years that is okay too, All I have to do is to do my best to accept my humanness, the humanness of others, and mother nature as she is this moment. My best today may fall way short of my own hopes and the expectations of others. My best today my exceed my hope and the expectations of others. Either way it will be my best.
I was in a museum yesterday. One of the displays was tracing the history of this piece of the earth for millions of years. I love being reminded of this perspective. Over a span of millions of years not much matters and yet everything matter. Every action or inaction of mine affects the entire universe at some level and yet, over millions of years the effect is undiscernible.
Just for today I will remind myself the more I relax and accept these opposing truths the better my best.
“It don’t matter. It matters a lot.”
Written July 23, 2020
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
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