Journey towards honesty
Most of us are directly or indirectly affected by Hurricane Florence. Either we have family or other friends who live in the affected area, who will experience additional rain or some other Florence related weather condition, or who are responsible for rescuing, salvage, and/or rebuilding. Of course, all of us are also responsible for the tax money that help restore services.
While at the gym and watching the video footage of the storm, I found myself saying to myself, “At least mother nature is an equal opportunity force.” Then I thought, “Actually, that is a lie. I know, for some, the storm is a nuisance and an inconvenience, but will not leave them reliant on public services – local or otherwise. Some live in the affected region full time. Some have vacation condos/homes. Some have a really good incomes and some survive on minimum wage. Some have insurance. Some cannot afford insurance. Some have family support and supportive employers. Some have little or no family support and employers who are only interested in short term bottom lines.
It is comforting to think that mother nature is non-discriminatory. It may be true that mother nature often visits rich and poor without discrimination. It is obviously not true that Mother Nature’s actions affect everyone the same.
I have a friend who is paying 22% for a car loan. He will pay for that same car over and over again. I have other friends who are able to pay cash for cars, have good insurance and will replace storm damaged cars without having to “rob Peter to pay Paul”.
Whether I am thinking about racism, poverty, education opportunities, family violence, sexism, ageism, the opioid addiction crisis, the so-called justice system or other issues which affect my extended family – biological and chosen, as well as other neighbors, I constantly “discover” that some of the so-called truths I have been telling myself and others are obvious lies. I very intentionally embarked on this journey of practicing honesty with myself many years ago. (Prior to that I was often oblivious about the extent to which I lied to myself and others.) One might surmise that I would now have few lies left in the internal vault of my mind. Yet, the truth is that daily, if I am paying attention, I uncover yet more lies tumbling out of my mouth.
The problem, of course, is that much of the time I am busy with life and respond from the “truths” I have been storing in that internal vault since I was young. I respond without consciously thinking about what I am saying. If someone does not challenge what I have said I might or might not immediately ask myself, “It this true? Do I really believe what I said? Is what I said meant to enlarge the conversation or shut the person(s) to whom I am responding down?” For example, this, morning the woman next to me at the gym made a comment about a political figure. I quickly responded with, “He certainly does all he can to invite criticism.” Then I thought, “What was the purpose of my comment. I say I want dialogue and, yet, my response was an invitation to a tennis match or an acceptance to a tennis match of words.” What I say I want is often not consistent with my actions. I want to more often notice and own that truth.
If I do something which is hurtful or dishonest and am challenged I am much better these days about “fessing up” without becoming defensive. There was a time when 99% of the time my response to someone who disagreed with me or I heard as critical was to get defensive. I am making progress in this journey of honestly, but, mercy me, it is at a snail’s pace. No disrespect to the snail intended!
Today I will strive to be more honest about my dishonesty.
Written September 15, 2018
Most of us are directly or indirectly affected by Hurricane Florence. Either we have family or other friends who live in the affected area, who will experience additional rain or some other Florence related weather condition, or who are responsible for rescuing, salvage, and/or rebuilding. Of course, all of us are also responsible for the tax money that help restore services.
While at the gym and watching the video footage of the storm, I found myself saying to myself, “At least mother nature is an equal opportunity force.” Then I thought, “Actually, that is a lie. I know, for some, the storm is a nuisance and an inconvenience, but will not leave them reliant on public services – local or otherwise. Some live in the affected region full time. Some have vacation condos/homes. Some have a really good incomes and some survive on minimum wage. Some have insurance. Some cannot afford insurance. Some have family support and supportive employers. Some have little or no family support and employers who are only interested in short term bottom lines.
It is comforting to think that mother nature is non-discriminatory. It may be true that mother nature often visits rich and poor without discrimination. It is obviously not true that Mother Nature’s actions affect everyone the same.
I have a friend who is paying 22% for a car loan. He will pay for that same car over and over again. I have other friends who are able to pay cash for cars, have good insurance and will replace storm damaged cars without having to “rob Peter to pay Paul”.
Whether I am thinking about racism, poverty, education opportunities, family violence, sexism, ageism, the opioid addiction crisis, the so-called justice system or other issues which affect my extended family – biological and chosen, as well as other neighbors, I constantly “discover” that some of the so-called truths I have been telling myself and others are obvious lies. I very intentionally embarked on this journey of practicing honesty with myself many years ago. (Prior to that I was often oblivious about the extent to which I lied to myself and others.) One might surmise that I would now have few lies left in the internal vault of my mind. Yet, the truth is that daily, if I am paying attention, I uncover yet more lies tumbling out of my mouth.
The problem, of course, is that much of the time I am busy with life and respond from the “truths” I have been storing in that internal vault since I was young. I respond without consciously thinking about what I am saying. If someone does not challenge what I have said I might or might not immediately ask myself, “It this true? Do I really believe what I said? Is what I said meant to enlarge the conversation or shut the person(s) to whom I am responding down?” For example, this, morning the woman next to me at the gym made a comment about a political figure. I quickly responded with, “He certainly does all he can to invite criticism.” Then I thought, “What was the purpose of my comment. I say I want dialogue and, yet, my response was an invitation to a tennis match or an acceptance to a tennis match of words.” What I say I want is often not consistent with my actions. I want to more often notice and own that truth.
If I do something which is hurtful or dishonest and am challenged I am much better these days about “fessing up” without becoming defensive. There was a time when 99% of the time my response to someone who disagreed with me or I heard as critical was to get defensive. I am making progress in this journey of honestly, but, mercy me, it is at a snail’s pace. No disrespect to the snail intended!
Today I will strive to be more honest about my dishonesty.
Written September 15, 2018
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