Legacies
For many years, one of the questions I have asked myself daily is, “If this is my last hour or day to live, what legacy do I want to leave?” Of course, I realize that while I am attempting to answer this question I must attend to the dailies – all those chorettes which are a part of daily living and which allow for the possibility of living another hour or day. I am acutely aware that I do not want to leave a mess for my son or my friend T who is the executor of my will. On the other hand, I do not want to spend so much time and energy on insuring that all is in order that I neglect friendships. I know, of course, that it is all about attachment or lack of same.
A good example is the writing of this blog. I have now been sitting in front of the computer for over two hours and all I have accomplished is reading some on the internet, thinking about the gathering at the Quaker Church in St. Petersburg last night to celebrate the legacy of Martin Luther King Jr. and the legacy of the many in attendance who have been involved in the movement to create a more just and loving world. While there, we not only got to meet some wonderful people and share a good meal, but we also got to share some of our favorite stories about our involvement and witness to the love and courage which such a struggle demands. I personally was aware of all the missed opportunities to be a witness to such examples as Martin Luther King Jr as well as those times when I did join others in that attempt. I was also acutely aware of the fact that the temptation was always to confront others about my perception of their unjust or unkind behavior. Often I did so in a way which was judgmental and as unkind as the behavior of which I was accusing them. Even at the time I was not always entirely unaware of the contradiction inherent in my behavior as compared to what I professed wanting to do. This awareness did not, however, often seem to lead to consistently constructive change in my approach.
It was not the lack of more positive examples which prevented me from changing my approach. Even then I was aware of the strong, but consistently affirming approach of such people as The Rev. Dr. George MacPherson Docherty and his wife Mary. In my memory, the image of Mary Docherty is most clear. There standing in the office where we gathered before going to speak to members of Congress or a prayer vigil was this short, straight standing, Scottish woman with what I saw as “old woman purse and shoes” checking to see if her husband had remembered to get bail money before leaving to join the prayer vigil at Lafayette Park across from the White House. Mary would pat her “old woman purse” and assure George that she had gotten enough bail money for both of them.
There are many such stories of men and women who had the courage to be both strong and gentle in their witness to and for love. Yet, I seemed never to reach the level of spiritual and emotional maturity which, in my memory, was and is so evident in people such as Mary and George Docherty. These individuals seemed to be able to stay clear that the message was their current behavior. Thus, even though the prayer vigil was meant to draw attention to the strong belief that racial disparity and violent wars such as the one the United States was waging in Vietnam and Cambodia needed to stop, it was just as important to treat the police or other representatives of law enforcement agencies with genuine love and respect. Many of the rest of us, including this human, often seemed to find it “necessary” to remind the law enforcement individuals that they needed to refuse to enforce the laws of the unjust, cruel, racist, people who employed them. That was not kind and certainly did nothing to create a safe atmosphere for healing or change. Certainly our way of reminding folks might not have been verbal but even if silent, the message was clear.
Today I have an opportunity to leave a more loving legacy. One of the reasons that I have written so little is that I have stopped to be with some other people including a woman who needed help with getting connected to the internet at Panera’s and responded to texts and then a phone call from a lovely man whose life has again been hijacked by addiction. I also texted with a young man who is struggling to find a direction for his life.
Pema Chodron, the Buddhist Nun, often suggests that we keep our spiritual goals simple. She says that sometimes doing something as simple as allowing ourselves to enjoy a good cup of coffee is all we need to do. She would suggest that treating ourselves well allows for the possibility of being present to others. Obviously, engaging in behavior which is destructive such addiction, is not kind to ourselves even if it temporarily makes us feel better.
There is a common bit of advice that many “old timers” remind the newcomer to a 12-step program. It is, “Keep it simple stupid.” While the word stupid might not sound loving, I have often heard it used in a loving manner. I have also heard it said in a unkind way. The point is that our big human brains can over complicate the process of leaving a legacy of which we can be proud. My goal with the young man who is struggling with active addiction is very simple:
Daily text and email him to let me know that he is loved.
Do not try to fix or rescue him.
Take his phone calls.
Remember that our roles could be switched. If I get attached to self-righteousness, I will be just as destructive as the drug addiction.
Those are very doable goals. Just for today I can do my best to leave a legacy of love; to practice the serenity prayer as written by Reinhold Niebuhr.
God, give me grace to accept with serenity
the things that cannot be changed,
Courage to change the things
which should be changed,
and the Wisdom to distinguish
the one from the other.
Living one day at a time,
Enjoying one moment at a time,
Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace,
Taking, as Jesus did,
This sinful world as it is,
Not as I would have it,
Trusting that You will make all things right,
If I surrender to Your will,
So that I may be reasonably happy in this life,
And supremely happy with You forever in the next.
Amen.
We may find that the long version is not as helpful as the short version:
O God, give us the serenity to accept what cannot be changed,
The courage to change what can be changed,
and the wisdom to know the one from the other
If we have the tendency to then contemplate the nature of the God of our understanding of a higher power we could just say:
I am going to practice showing up today.
I am going to focus on what I have control over today, i e. can I stop what I am doing to listen or help someone is some simple manner?
If I find my mind obsessing about what I cannot control I will gently bring my attention back to something I am capable of doing right now.
Most important, for me, is to daily or perhaps many times on some days remind myself that this could be the last minute or hour that I am going to live. How important, then, is what I am doing? Is writing one more blog that important? Probably not.
Written January 19, 2016
For many years, one of the questions I have asked myself daily is, “If this is my last hour or day to live, what legacy do I want to leave?” Of course, I realize that while I am attempting to answer this question I must attend to the dailies – all those chorettes which are a part of daily living and which allow for the possibility of living another hour or day. I am acutely aware that I do not want to leave a mess for my son or my friend T who is the executor of my will. On the other hand, I do not want to spend so much time and energy on insuring that all is in order that I neglect friendships. I know, of course, that it is all about attachment or lack of same.
A good example is the writing of this blog. I have now been sitting in front of the computer for over two hours and all I have accomplished is reading some on the internet, thinking about the gathering at the Quaker Church in St. Petersburg last night to celebrate the legacy of Martin Luther King Jr. and the legacy of the many in attendance who have been involved in the movement to create a more just and loving world. While there, we not only got to meet some wonderful people and share a good meal, but we also got to share some of our favorite stories about our involvement and witness to the love and courage which such a struggle demands. I personally was aware of all the missed opportunities to be a witness to such examples as Martin Luther King Jr as well as those times when I did join others in that attempt. I was also acutely aware of the fact that the temptation was always to confront others about my perception of their unjust or unkind behavior. Often I did so in a way which was judgmental and as unkind as the behavior of which I was accusing them. Even at the time I was not always entirely unaware of the contradiction inherent in my behavior as compared to what I professed wanting to do. This awareness did not, however, often seem to lead to consistently constructive change in my approach.
It was not the lack of more positive examples which prevented me from changing my approach. Even then I was aware of the strong, but consistently affirming approach of such people as The Rev. Dr. George MacPherson Docherty and his wife Mary. In my memory, the image of Mary Docherty is most clear. There standing in the office where we gathered before going to speak to members of Congress or a prayer vigil was this short, straight standing, Scottish woman with what I saw as “old woman purse and shoes” checking to see if her husband had remembered to get bail money before leaving to join the prayer vigil at Lafayette Park across from the White House. Mary would pat her “old woman purse” and assure George that she had gotten enough bail money for both of them.
There are many such stories of men and women who had the courage to be both strong and gentle in their witness to and for love. Yet, I seemed never to reach the level of spiritual and emotional maturity which, in my memory, was and is so evident in people such as Mary and George Docherty. These individuals seemed to be able to stay clear that the message was their current behavior. Thus, even though the prayer vigil was meant to draw attention to the strong belief that racial disparity and violent wars such as the one the United States was waging in Vietnam and Cambodia needed to stop, it was just as important to treat the police or other representatives of law enforcement agencies with genuine love and respect. Many of the rest of us, including this human, often seemed to find it “necessary” to remind the law enforcement individuals that they needed to refuse to enforce the laws of the unjust, cruel, racist, people who employed them. That was not kind and certainly did nothing to create a safe atmosphere for healing or change. Certainly our way of reminding folks might not have been verbal but even if silent, the message was clear.
Today I have an opportunity to leave a more loving legacy. One of the reasons that I have written so little is that I have stopped to be with some other people including a woman who needed help with getting connected to the internet at Panera’s and responded to texts and then a phone call from a lovely man whose life has again been hijacked by addiction. I also texted with a young man who is struggling to find a direction for his life.
Pema Chodron, the Buddhist Nun, often suggests that we keep our spiritual goals simple. She says that sometimes doing something as simple as allowing ourselves to enjoy a good cup of coffee is all we need to do. She would suggest that treating ourselves well allows for the possibility of being present to others. Obviously, engaging in behavior which is destructive such addiction, is not kind to ourselves even if it temporarily makes us feel better.
There is a common bit of advice that many “old timers” remind the newcomer to a 12-step program. It is, “Keep it simple stupid.” While the word stupid might not sound loving, I have often heard it used in a loving manner. I have also heard it said in a unkind way. The point is that our big human brains can over complicate the process of leaving a legacy of which we can be proud. My goal with the young man who is struggling with active addiction is very simple:
Daily text and email him to let me know that he is loved.
Do not try to fix or rescue him.
Take his phone calls.
Remember that our roles could be switched. If I get attached to self-righteousness, I will be just as destructive as the drug addiction.
Those are very doable goals. Just for today I can do my best to leave a legacy of love; to practice the serenity prayer as written by Reinhold Niebuhr.
God, give me grace to accept with serenity
the things that cannot be changed,
Courage to change the things
which should be changed,
and the Wisdom to distinguish
the one from the other.
Living one day at a time,
Enjoying one moment at a time,
Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace,
Taking, as Jesus did,
This sinful world as it is,
Not as I would have it,
Trusting that You will make all things right,
If I surrender to Your will,
So that I may be reasonably happy in this life,
And supremely happy with You forever in the next.
Amen.
We may find that the long version is not as helpful as the short version:
O God, give us the serenity to accept what cannot be changed,
The courage to change what can be changed,
and the wisdom to know the one from the other
If we have the tendency to then contemplate the nature of the God of our understanding of a higher power we could just say:
I am going to practice showing up today.
I am going to focus on what I have control over today, i e. can I stop what I am doing to listen or help someone is some simple manner?
If I find my mind obsessing about what I cannot control I will gently bring my attention back to something I am capable of doing right now.
Most important, for me, is to daily or perhaps many times on some days remind myself that this could be the last minute or hour that I am going to live. How important, then, is what I am doing? Is writing one more blog that important? Probably not.
Written January 19, 2016
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