Life is complicated!
I complicate my life!
Why don’t I do what I need to do? Why am I lazy? Do I have a mental illness? Is there some hidden issue I am not allowing myself to know about? Maybe I don’t really want to grow emotionally and spiritually. Perhaps I am just a bad person and there is no hope for me. Perhaps I need to address this issue in therapy. Who is the right therapist?
Some of us have this very busy mind. Instead of just making a list of what we need to do to get the results we want, prioritizing the list and step-by-step doing what is on the list we analyze why we are not doing what we said we would do. We look for some deep- seated reason to explain and change our behavior.
I sometimes find other tasks which I decide must be done now. I sit down to write and decide the computer screen needs cleaned. Then I decide I should check and respond to email. Oh yes, I wanted to check on replacement solar lights for the yard. Oh my! That desk drawer is a mess. I should clean it out. Soon it is time for another commitment and I have not done what I said was a priority, i.e. written that journal entry, letter or clinical notes. I then spend some time beating up myself. Now it is time to start dinner.
Baring real emergencies such as a family member or close friend needing to go to the emergency room, the house being on fire, my being acutely ill, or someone needing an empathetic ear, there is nothing which I have to allow to stop me from starting on my to do list in the time slot I have intentionally set aside for that purpose. Tuesday, I returned from my volunteer therapy job about noon. I intentionally:
What I did not do was:
If my mind started to wander I was very intentional about focusing on what I said I wanted to accomplish. Sometimes I am tired and feel as if my writing is not as erudite or clear as I would like. I do it anyway. If I wait for a moment of inspiration or the words worthy of a Nobel Prize, I will never write.
For many years I smoked cigarettes. I did not like the taste, smell, cost or how they affected others . I kept telling myself and everyone else I wanted to quit. I tried hypnosis, the patch, and medication, All worked for a time. Yet, I would always find some excuse to resume smoking. Finally, I talked to a therapist and told her I needed to find the deep-seated reason I kept resuming this addictive behavior. She suggested that therapy was just another avoidance technique. It was time I used the same tools I recommended to others for dealing with addictive behavior. Sure, I was going to be uncomfortable for a time, but if I simply did not pick up that first cigarette, got support, and followed directions of others who had quit, the obsession would finally weaken and/or disappear. It did!
My intention is to avoid words such as lazy which do not lead to a concrete plan to honor my commitments to myself and others.
Written April 25, 2018
I complicate my life!
Why don’t I do what I need to do? Why am I lazy? Do I have a mental illness? Is there some hidden issue I am not allowing myself to know about? Maybe I don’t really want to grow emotionally and spiritually. Perhaps I am just a bad person and there is no hope for me. Perhaps I need to address this issue in therapy. Who is the right therapist?
Some of us have this very busy mind. Instead of just making a list of what we need to do to get the results we want, prioritizing the list and step-by-step doing what is on the list we analyze why we are not doing what we said we would do. We look for some deep- seated reason to explain and change our behavior.
I sometimes find other tasks which I decide must be done now. I sit down to write and decide the computer screen needs cleaned. Then I decide I should check and respond to email. Oh yes, I wanted to check on replacement solar lights for the yard. Oh my! That desk drawer is a mess. I should clean it out. Soon it is time for another commitment and I have not done what I said was a priority, i.e. written that journal entry, letter or clinical notes. I then spend some time beating up myself. Now it is time to start dinner.
Baring real emergencies such as a family member or close friend needing to go to the emergency room, the house being on fire, my being acutely ill, or someone needing an empathetic ear, there is nothing which I have to allow to stop me from starting on my to do list in the time slot I have intentionally set aside for that purpose. Tuesday, I returned from my volunteer therapy job about noon. I intentionally:
- Prepared and had lunch.
- Cleaned up after lunch.
- Did my clinical note from the volunteer work.
- Wrote a thank you note.
- Wrote notes to a couple of clients.
- Updated financial records
- Prepared charge tickets for afternoon clients.
- Started working on blog while waiting for client.
What I did not do was:
- Check to see if I felt like doing any of these tasks.
- Allow myself to get distracted by other items on my desk.
- Think about other issues or concerns.
If my mind started to wander I was very intentional about focusing on what I said I wanted to accomplish. Sometimes I am tired and feel as if my writing is not as erudite or clear as I would like. I do it anyway. If I wait for a moment of inspiration or the words worthy of a Nobel Prize, I will never write.
For many years I smoked cigarettes. I did not like the taste, smell, cost or how they affected others . I kept telling myself and everyone else I wanted to quit. I tried hypnosis, the patch, and medication, All worked for a time. Yet, I would always find some excuse to resume smoking. Finally, I talked to a therapist and told her I needed to find the deep-seated reason I kept resuming this addictive behavior. She suggested that therapy was just another avoidance technique. It was time I used the same tools I recommended to others for dealing with addictive behavior. Sure, I was going to be uncomfortable for a time, but if I simply did not pick up that first cigarette, got support, and followed directions of others who had quit, the obsession would finally weaken and/or disappear. It did!
My intention is to avoid words such as lazy which do not lead to a concrete plan to honor my commitments to myself and others.
Written April 25, 2018
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