Living in Relationship
Tuesday morning I was listening to a podcast of Krista Tippett ‘s interview with Sister Simone Campbell on the NPR program “On Being”. I had missed this interview when I was recently traveling.
Sister Simone Campbell, SSS is a United States Roman Catholic nun who is also an attorney, lobbyist, poet and the executive director of the NETWORK organization. She is also a nun in the Sisters of Social Services. She and the NETWORK became well known when their organization was mentioned in the Pope’s censure back in 2012. In a New York Times article in April 18, 2012 Laurie Goodstein reported that: “NETWORK, a Catholic Social justice lobby founded by sisters were focusing its work too much on poverty and economic injustice, while keeping “silent” on abortion and “same-sex marriage.”
“In 2012, she was also instrumental in organizing the “Nuns on the Bus” tour of nine states to oppose the “Ryan Budget” approved by the House of Representatives. This budget would decimate programs meant to help people in need. “Nuns on the Bus” received an avalanche of attention across the nation from religious communities, elected officials and the media. She has led three cross-country “Nuns on the Bus” trips, focused on economic justice, comprehensive immigration reform, and (most recently) voter turnout.” (networklobby.org).
Sister Simone says that the hardest part of living a contemplative life is living in relationship – consistently doing the deep listening where we are being nudged internally and externally.
One of the examples she gives of listening is when she had an opportunity to talk with a CEO about the enormous salaries they make and the fact that they want more. She was saying that surely you could not need more money. He replied that it was not about the money, it was about winning. More money is symbolic of winning. What she heard was the need of we humans to feel as if we are winning, whatever that means. Obviously, what it means for Sister Simone is very different than what it means for most CEOs or for most people. In past blogs I have addressed the important question of how we define success. If success is making more money then others or having more power that can be very stressful because one never reaches one’s goal of success. If one, however, measures success by our intention to do our best to show up with love then we are never stressed. Sister Simone calls this “walking willing”
Sister Simone has a very busy schedule which may include honoring an invitation to the White house, testifying in Congress, meditating, doing interview such as the one with Krista Tippett, writing or sitting with someone who is hungry. The hunger might be physical hunger, hunger for a home, or, often most important hunger to have someone listen.
Sister is often asked if her scheduled exhausts her. She says that the only time she gets exhausted is if she focuses on herself. My way of saying what I ‘hear’ her saying is that when I lose faith that I will get what I need or when I quit, as she says, “walking willing” I will begin to question whether or not I am appreciated, whether I am winning or whether I am giving enough or whether I am attractive enough or have an important title or ..” This does not mean that we can quit taking care of ourselves. Sister Simone makes time, even with her busy schedule, for daily prayer and meditation. She makes times for retreats and for taking care of other basic needs for food, shelter, etc.
When we are self focused my experience is that we are not in relationship. I am not even in relationship with myself. I am busy fussing at myself, feeling sorry for myself, or being resentful at “them” or even God for not appreciating me. When I am in relationship with myself- just lovingly, honestly, nakedly present – then I am able to be in relationship with others. This is the primary hunger which I think Sister Simone is addressing. She is not ignoring the need to feed the hungry or clothe the naked. She is, I believe, suggesting that if we are just going to patronizingly give food to those without food we will deny the most basic of food, our loving presence as just another person – as just another child of God. If I make the relationship the primary goal then I can never fail. As she notes, it seems as if sometimes we think that we have to fix everyone or fix all the problems of the world. Then we have big sister or big brother going to fix the broken step-siblings. This is not love and neither I nor the step-siblings will be nourished. To be in relationship means that no matter what the framework for our meeting – a board meeting, getting a gallon of milk from the supermarket, sitting down over a meal with someone – what all of us are desperately hungry for is someone who is THERE for us. The CEO who makes millions merely wants to know that he/she counts. It really is not about the money. That is just the current measure of how we know we are important. We know, of course, that if that is the measure of winning/success it is never enough. Someone else is going to get more which means that we are losing. It is exhausting.
Being in relationship is also the primary goal when she is meeting with individuals who happen to be politicians. If she thinks that she has to meet with some who is opposing what she stands for she is not going to be present and the other person cannot be present with her. We are called to be in relationship with even with those we may be in the habit of labeling our enemy. If my set myself up to win an argument I will not be in relationship and I have already lost.
If I, for example, decide that my work is to be present with this person who I think of as a client then my job may be to fix the client. If, on the other hand, my job is to show up with love then I cannot fail. I may or may not be helpful in terms of their “dis ease” but they will feel better. Interesting if I can be lovingly present often they will “hear” an answer from within. Perhaps what we call “within” is that connection with the wise divine. I do not have to know that. I just know that the answer comes most often if I am willing to hear.
Being present with another person is not work. Thus whether I am meeting with someone in a what we call a counseling session, having an interaction with the trainer at the gym, speaking to a homeless person, interacting with the store clerk then the chances of my thinking that I need a lot of money to prove my worth will not happen. If money is not my measure of success than I will be willing to share whatever money is available. This is community. Sister Simone reminds us that community is just doing our part. When the parts work together we all benefit and we all “win”.
If not careful our next question will be about the future. We may need to remind ourselves that although we need to plan as if, there is no guarantee of a future. We only have this moment. When we get to what we have been thinking about as the future it is this moment. I am not suggesting that I spend all my money today because there is no future and then tomorrow comes and the rent is due and I cannot pay it and….. No, I know that I want to pay my rent. If I am lucky enough to have the money, I will pay the rent or the mortgage or whatever. But, I do not need to prove my worth by having a large house. I can also live quite well in a small space or a shared space?
Sister Simone reminds us that, “If I know that I am one with you that will affect the choices I make.” She points out that Pope Francis is walking with love towards even those who disagree with him. Even though he is the Pope he knows or seems to know that he is one with all others. If his goal was to get his way or to punish those who disagree with him everyone would lose. Short term he might seem to accomplish some of his goals. Long terms he would accomplish nothing except to create lots of agrimony and then spend time responding to that negative energy.
Sister Simone says that Pope Francis recognizes that everyone has a place on the bus. This is the radical message of Jesus as she understands it. It is also the message of the Buddha and many other wise people whom we admire.
I mentioned earlier that Sister Simone is also a poet. The following is one of my favorites:
Becoming Christ
The reign of God is like this:
A large circle, no, a HUGE circle of unmown unkempt grass woven (warp and woof)
in wind tossed intimacy.
This realm of God has twined roots, common nourishment and sun drenched encouragement—growing lean, long in brilliant green familiarity.
This project of God, while serving as a hum in emergencies, more often is viewed as a passive core. But truth be told, it is living metaphor—uncontrolled, untamed, seeming chaos—this life in one vibrant body.
Simone Campbell, SSS April, 2007
Scministryfdn.org
Tuesday morning I was listening to a podcast of Krista Tippett ‘s interview with Sister Simone Campbell on the NPR program “On Being”. I had missed this interview when I was recently traveling.
Sister Simone Campbell, SSS is a United States Roman Catholic nun who is also an attorney, lobbyist, poet and the executive director of the NETWORK organization. She is also a nun in the Sisters of Social Services. She and the NETWORK became well known when their organization was mentioned in the Pope’s censure back in 2012. In a New York Times article in April 18, 2012 Laurie Goodstein reported that: “NETWORK, a Catholic Social justice lobby founded by sisters were focusing its work too much on poverty and economic injustice, while keeping “silent” on abortion and “same-sex marriage.”
“In 2012, she was also instrumental in organizing the “Nuns on the Bus” tour of nine states to oppose the “Ryan Budget” approved by the House of Representatives. This budget would decimate programs meant to help people in need. “Nuns on the Bus” received an avalanche of attention across the nation from religious communities, elected officials and the media. She has led three cross-country “Nuns on the Bus” trips, focused on economic justice, comprehensive immigration reform, and (most recently) voter turnout.” (networklobby.org).
Sister Simone says that the hardest part of living a contemplative life is living in relationship – consistently doing the deep listening where we are being nudged internally and externally.
One of the examples she gives of listening is when she had an opportunity to talk with a CEO about the enormous salaries they make and the fact that they want more. She was saying that surely you could not need more money. He replied that it was not about the money, it was about winning. More money is symbolic of winning. What she heard was the need of we humans to feel as if we are winning, whatever that means. Obviously, what it means for Sister Simone is very different than what it means for most CEOs or for most people. In past blogs I have addressed the important question of how we define success. If success is making more money then others or having more power that can be very stressful because one never reaches one’s goal of success. If one, however, measures success by our intention to do our best to show up with love then we are never stressed. Sister Simone calls this “walking willing”
Sister Simone has a very busy schedule which may include honoring an invitation to the White house, testifying in Congress, meditating, doing interview such as the one with Krista Tippett, writing or sitting with someone who is hungry. The hunger might be physical hunger, hunger for a home, or, often most important hunger to have someone listen.
Sister is often asked if her scheduled exhausts her. She says that the only time she gets exhausted is if she focuses on herself. My way of saying what I ‘hear’ her saying is that when I lose faith that I will get what I need or when I quit, as she says, “walking willing” I will begin to question whether or not I am appreciated, whether I am winning or whether I am giving enough or whether I am attractive enough or have an important title or ..” This does not mean that we can quit taking care of ourselves. Sister Simone makes time, even with her busy schedule, for daily prayer and meditation. She makes times for retreats and for taking care of other basic needs for food, shelter, etc.
When we are self focused my experience is that we are not in relationship. I am not even in relationship with myself. I am busy fussing at myself, feeling sorry for myself, or being resentful at “them” or even God for not appreciating me. When I am in relationship with myself- just lovingly, honestly, nakedly present – then I am able to be in relationship with others. This is the primary hunger which I think Sister Simone is addressing. She is not ignoring the need to feed the hungry or clothe the naked. She is, I believe, suggesting that if we are just going to patronizingly give food to those without food we will deny the most basic of food, our loving presence as just another person – as just another child of God. If I make the relationship the primary goal then I can never fail. As she notes, it seems as if sometimes we think that we have to fix everyone or fix all the problems of the world. Then we have big sister or big brother going to fix the broken step-siblings. This is not love and neither I nor the step-siblings will be nourished. To be in relationship means that no matter what the framework for our meeting – a board meeting, getting a gallon of milk from the supermarket, sitting down over a meal with someone – what all of us are desperately hungry for is someone who is THERE for us. The CEO who makes millions merely wants to know that he/she counts. It really is not about the money. That is just the current measure of how we know we are important. We know, of course, that if that is the measure of winning/success it is never enough. Someone else is going to get more which means that we are losing. It is exhausting.
Being in relationship is also the primary goal when she is meeting with individuals who happen to be politicians. If she thinks that she has to meet with some who is opposing what she stands for she is not going to be present and the other person cannot be present with her. We are called to be in relationship with even with those we may be in the habit of labeling our enemy. If my set myself up to win an argument I will not be in relationship and I have already lost.
If I, for example, decide that my work is to be present with this person who I think of as a client then my job may be to fix the client. If, on the other hand, my job is to show up with love then I cannot fail. I may or may not be helpful in terms of their “dis ease” but they will feel better. Interesting if I can be lovingly present often they will “hear” an answer from within. Perhaps what we call “within” is that connection with the wise divine. I do not have to know that. I just know that the answer comes most often if I am willing to hear.
Being present with another person is not work. Thus whether I am meeting with someone in a what we call a counseling session, having an interaction with the trainer at the gym, speaking to a homeless person, interacting with the store clerk then the chances of my thinking that I need a lot of money to prove my worth will not happen. If money is not my measure of success than I will be willing to share whatever money is available. This is community. Sister Simone reminds us that community is just doing our part. When the parts work together we all benefit and we all “win”.
If not careful our next question will be about the future. We may need to remind ourselves that although we need to plan as if, there is no guarantee of a future. We only have this moment. When we get to what we have been thinking about as the future it is this moment. I am not suggesting that I spend all my money today because there is no future and then tomorrow comes and the rent is due and I cannot pay it and….. No, I know that I want to pay my rent. If I am lucky enough to have the money, I will pay the rent or the mortgage or whatever. But, I do not need to prove my worth by having a large house. I can also live quite well in a small space or a shared space?
Sister Simone reminds us that, “If I know that I am one with you that will affect the choices I make.” She points out that Pope Francis is walking with love towards even those who disagree with him. Even though he is the Pope he knows or seems to know that he is one with all others. If his goal was to get his way or to punish those who disagree with him everyone would lose. Short term he might seem to accomplish some of his goals. Long terms he would accomplish nothing except to create lots of agrimony and then spend time responding to that negative energy.
Sister Simone says that Pope Francis recognizes that everyone has a place on the bus. This is the radical message of Jesus as she understands it. It is also the message of the Buddha and many other wise people whom we admire.
I mentioned earlier that Sister Simone is also a poet. The following is one of my favorites:
Becoming Christ
The reign of God is like this:
A large circle, no, a HUGE circle of unmown unkempt grass woven (warp and woof)
in wind tossed intimacy.
This realm of God has twined roots, common nourishment and sun drenched encouragement—growing lean, long in brilliant green familiarity.
This project of God, while serving as a hum in emergencies, more often is viewed as a passive core. But truth be told, it is living metaphor—uncontrolled, untamed, seeming chaos—this life in one vibrant body.
Simone Campbell, SSS April, 2007
Scministryfdn.org
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