Recently I remembered a list of characteristics of people living well with Aids or other chronic illness, which I had adapted from an article published in Parade Magazine in the September 18, 1988. The article was entitled “Why do Some People Survive AIDS.” From my personal and professional education and may experience as a man who was diagnosed with AIDS in 1985 and considered terminal, I know that who lives and dies with a serous illness is partly dependent on some factors which have nothing to do with the individual. Whether we call it luck, DNA or a “Higher Power Thing”, some of us live while other good people do not live. We do know, however, that those who live well with chronic illness/dis ease have some common characteristics. These are:
· Realistic about diagnosis and limitations, but do not define themselves as their illness.
· Have a fighting spirit and refuse to be helpless or hopeless.
· Take responsibility for all aspects of their health care-nutritional, physical, emotional and spiritual. Not perfect, but make intentional decisions daily.
· Are assertive. Creative in getting themselves out of the most stressful or negative situations.
· Able to talk openly and honestly about their illness and the feelings they have regarding their illness including the limitations the illness imposes.
· Work with their physician and/or other health care providers as partner.
· Altruistically involved with other persons without ignoring their own needs.
· Expect to be healed. *
· At some level able to related to illness/diagnosis as spiritual gift – as a valued teacher.
It is important to remind us that none of is going to live long. Whether we live 1 year or 100 years, life is very short. We can, however, heal. Healing, in my mind, means:
· Being able to have a quality life – a life that has purpose and meaning.
· Being able to feel positive about how one has spent one’s time today.
· Bing able to stay connected to self and to others in a positive way.
· Being clear about what is important and knowing that the illness cannot take away what is most important.
I was thinking of this on July 2, 2015 when I was reading an article in the St. Petersburg Tribune about the annual convention of the Church of God in Christ, which took place in Tampa, Florida recently. At that convention, the presiding, Bishop Charles E. Blake, described “a five-point initiative to address the issues of young black men through education, crime prevention, economic development, family life and financial literacy.” His recommendations to young black men living with the dis ease of racism (I added “living with the dis ease of racism) according to the article were:
· “Look beyond low self-esteem
· Look beyond the machismo, the immaturity and see the preachers and the teachers and the entrepreneurs and the doctors and the CEO’s and the inventors and the innovators that “are waiting to be birthed out of this generation of young back men.”
· “Act like you are a victor and not a victim.”
· Establish a center where students could go for mentoring and tutoring.
· Learn how to interact and engage and deal with police officer.
· Learn values and skills needed to raise and provide for children.
· Learn how to budget money.
· Walk with dignity and respect.
· Be empowered to go on to see what the end is going to be, knowing that all lives matter, but “more importantly that black lives matter.” This was added because he was specifically addressing issues of young back men although he could just as easily have been addressing issues of the young white or yellow or brown men (and women) who end up in gangs – gangs such as those Father Gregory Boyle works with in Los Angeles) or who are held hostage by addiction.
The disease is racism, the symptoms of which can be low self-esteem, hopelessness, anger, isolation even in gangs, thinking in terms of ‘I’ instead of ‘we’ (Maslow’s hierarchy of needs), weak, self defeating dance, lack of self respect, inability to consider the needs of others, and giving away power to the dis ease.
If we look again at the characteristics of those living well with any chronic illness, we see that they mirror the characteristics/behaviors, which Bishop Blake is advocating that young black men adopt.
Let’s look again at those characteristics:
· Realistic about diagnosis and limitations, but do not define themselves as their illness. Racism exists. One has internalized negative messages, which need to be corrected. One is not racism or any of those lies which racism tells one.
· Have a fighting spirit and refuse to be helpless or hopeless. Do not give away power to the oppressor. Dr. Martin Luther King, Rosa Parks, Shirley Chisholm, Booker T. Washington and many others refused to be helpless or hopeless.
· Take responsibility for all aspects of their health care-nutritional, physical, emotional and spiritual. Not perfect, but make intentional decisions daily. When we have a job to do we take care of ourselves. When we buy into being helpless and hopeless there is no reason to take care of ourselves.
· Are assertive. Creative in getting themselves out of the most stressful or negative situations. Assertive is not aggressive. Dr. King and Rosa Parks were wonderful examples of refusing to back down but doing so with love and not allowing the oppressor to define the terms of the engagement.
· Able to talk openly and honestly about their illness and the feelings they have regarding their illness including the limitations the illness imposes. Do not deny the dis ease of racism. To correct the lies one has internalized one has to identify and face them.
· Work with their physician and/or other health care providers as partner. Worth with teachers, mentors and others who have pieces one does not have.
· Altruistically involved with other persons without ignoring their own needs. It is a ‘we’ and not andI’. All research shows that we humans do better in relationships; when we are taking care of each other.
· Expect to be healed. *
· At some level able to related to illness/diagnosis as spiritual gift – as a valued teacher. Believe that one can be the person one wants to be. Again, do not buy into racism. Have faith that one has a purpose. Use the experience of racism of living with racism to avoid acting like the oppressors. Accept that we are all capable of being the oppressed and the oppressor. In other words the God of my understanding does not create junk!
Hats off to Bishop Blake and all those who are leading the way to a healing journey for all of we humans. Bishop Blake follows the lead of the members of the Emanuel Baptist Church in Charleston, South Carolina, nine members of which were shot and killed recently. Their message is loud and clear. We will not allow racism, violence, or hate fueled by insecurity to define who we are and how we live our life. We will not be victims. We forgive our oppressors. We declare ourselves on a healing journey.
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