Love is all that matters – Love is not enough
It is February 12 and, thus, only two days from the day on which much of the world will celebrate Valentine’s day – a day of love. There are many stories about the possible origin of Valentine’s day. “The Catholic Church recognizes at least three different saints named Valentine or Valentinus, all of whom were martyred.” (history.com)
“The oldest existing Valentine card is believed to be housed in the manuscript collection of the British Library. In 1415, Charles, Duke of Orléans, gave his wife a valentine while being held prisoner in the Tower of London. The French nobleman was wounded and captured at the Battle of Agincourt during the Hundred Year’s War.
The valentine poem that Charles wrote his wife was not the typical happy-go-lucky valentine that we may be use to but, instead, was of somber yearning:
Je suis desja d’amour tanné
Ma tres doulce Valentinée…
I am already sick of love
My very gentle Valentine”
Historybyzim.com
In modern times there continues to be no end to the poems and songs which celebrate Valentine’s day. This includes songs such as:
"Love Is All That Matters," a song by the British synthpop group The Human League. (Wikipedia)
I overheard a group of men at Panera’s this morning suggesting that Valentine’s day is really a creation of Hallmark to sell cards.
My personal feeling is that the etiology of the celebration is not important. Any excuse to stop and remember the blessing of love which touches our life is good as far as I am concerned. At the same time, I do not think that it should be a day when we compete to see who can purchase the most lavish gift which may have to be charged on the credit card which one is already struggling to pay off.
I daily remind myself that the only real power I have is to show up in this moment and to love as best as this human is able to do so. Often, when I say this, people have “heard” me saying that “love is all we need” and “love is always enough.” I do believe that love is enough, but the question is enough for what? Some, most recently a client who is heartbroken, believed that I meant that love is enough to make a relationship happen. Since that has not been the case in a relationship she was hoping would result in a primary commitment, I then suggested that:
Love is a necessary, but not a sufficient condition, for a healthy, romantic, and familiar relationship.
Love is not conditional and respects that the person whom one loves may not be in a position to make a commitment to a primary relationship.
Love is a verb which has no expectations or demands.
In the Christian religion/tradition, probably one the most famous of the statements about love, attributed to Paul of Tarsus, is from1 Corinthians 13:4–8a
(English Standard Version)
Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. (ESV)
Again, it I think that some have read this passage of Paul’s to mean that if love believes all things, then if one believes enough, one will get what one wants or what one thinks one needs.
It is my understanding that when Paul suggests that loves believes all things, he is referring to a belief that if one believes or trusts, one will always get what one needs. What we “need” is to know that we have done our very best to be the most loving person we can be to our self, others, and the rest of the universe today. As a human we are never going to be perfect at loving or at any other action.
Too often it seems that we humans convince ourselves that if we are a good person and love others well that we will be rewarded with getting what we think we NEED or WANT at this moment. This often presupposes that another person or the world at large is just waiting for us to behave well and as soon as we do something good we will be rewarded with what we think we want/need no matter how that affects others or the rest of the universe.
Obviously, many of we humans have a very difficult time accepting that one does the next right thing because it is the next right thing to do. We may or may not get what we determine “should” be our just reward. The best I/we can hope for is the satisfaction of knowing we did our best. If my belief is that to be a moral/spiritual person means pursuing the goal of practicing unconditional love then a life is successful if one does one’s very best to keep coming back to that goal and doing one’s best to achieve it. Being human, one is not going to do that perfectly. Being human, one will slip into anger, resentment, jealously, pettiness, and expectations of others. One can get better at noticing and feeling those thoughts and feelings. One can practice “just noticing” them and then bring oneself back to center.
Last but not least, love requires an enormous sense of humor. I have this animated film in my head of me constantly changing from this bratty 12-year-old who wants what he wants when he wants it and if does not get rewarded with what he wants he is not going to do anything to this very Buddha like, serene, accepting man who has attained the apex of spiritual maturity. With my energizer bunny battery fully activated, I run back and forth between the two. I am bright, stupid, loving, selfish, delightful, petty, and a host of other characters. Bless my heart.
Martin Luther King Jr., for all his achievements, was very obviously a human and, yet, he kept coming back to the commitment that, “I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear.”
Oscar Wilde, on the other hand, was this delightful elf who is alleged to have said, “Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead.” My image of Oscar is as a butterfly flitting from one flower to the next spreading his pollen or seeds of love.
Love is always enough but, my dear, it is a verb. It is not a ticket disguised as a diamond or a box of candy which guarantees love or anything else in return. Oh well!
(Oscar Wilde and Martin Luther King quotes can be found at:
http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_love.html#haopyyk77cCUG6lL.99)
Written February 12, 2016
It is February 12 and, thus, only two days from the day on which much of the world will celebrate Valentine’s day – a day of love. There are many stories about the possible origin of Valentine’s day. “The Catholic Church recognizes at least three different saints named Valentine or Valentinus, all of whom were martyred.” (history.com)
“The oldest existing Valentine card is believed to be housed in the manuscript collection of the British Library. In 1415, Charles, Duke of Orléans, gave his wife a valentine while being held prisoner in the Tower of London. The French nobleman was wounded and captured at the Battle of Agincourt during the Hundred Year’s War.
The valentine poem that Charles wrote his wife was not the typical happy-go-lucky valentine that we may be use to but, instead, was of somber yearning:
Je suis desja d’amour tanné
Ma tres doulce Valentinée…
I am already sick of love
My very gentle Valentine”
Historybyzim.com
In modern times there continues to be no end to the poems and songs which celebrate Valentine’s day. This includes songs such as:
"Love Is All That Matters," a song by the British synthpop group The Human League. (Wikipedia)
I overheard a group of men at Panera’s this morning suggesting that Valentine’s day is really a creation of Hallmark to sell cards.
My personal feeling is that the etiology of the celebration is not important. Any excuse to stop and remember the blessing of love which touches our life is good as far as I am concerned. At the same time, I do not think that it should be a day when we compete to see who can purchase the most lavish gift which may have to be charged on the credit card which one is already struggling to pay off.
I daily remind myself that the only real power I have is to show up in this moment and to love as best as this human is able to do so. Often, when I say this, people have “heard” me saying that “love is all we need” and “love is always enough.” I do believe that love is enough, but the question is enough for what? Some, most recently a client who is heartbroken, believed that I meant that love is enough to make a relationship happen. Since that has not been the case in a relationship she was hoping would result in a primary commitment, I then suggested that:
Love is a necessary, but not a sufficient condition, for a healthy, romantic, and familiar relationship.
Love is not conditional and respects that the person whom one loves may not be in a position to make a commitment to a primary relationship.
Love is a verb which has no expectations or demands.
In the Christian religion/tradition, probably one the most famous of the statements about love, attributed to Paul of Tarsus, is from1 Corinthians 13:4–8a
(English Standard Version)
Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. (ESV)
Again, it I think that some have read this passage of Paul’s to mean that if love believes all things, then if one believes enough, one will get what one wants or what one thinks one needs.
It is my understanding that when Paul suggests that loves believes all things, he is referring to a belief that if one believes or trusts, one will always get what one needs. What we “need” is to know that we have done our very best to be the most loving person we can be to our self, others, and the rest of the universe today. As a human we are never going to be perfect at loving or at any other action.
Too often it seems that we humans convince ourselves that if we are a good person and love others well that we will be rewarded with getting what we think we NEED or WANT at this moment. This often presupposes that another person or the world at large is just waiting for us to behave well and as soon as we do something good we will be rewarded with what we think we want/need no matter how that affects others or the rest of the universe.
Obviously, many of we humans have a very difficult time accepting that one does the next right thing because it is the next right thing to do. We may or may not get what we determine “should” be our just reward. The best I/we can hope for is the satisfaction of knowing we did our best. If my belief is that to be a moral/spiritual person means pursuing the goal of practicing unconditional love then a life is successful if one does one’s very best to keep coming back to that goal and doing one’s best to achieve it. Being human, one is not going to do that perfectly. Being human, one will slip into anger, resentment, jealously, pettiness, and expectations of others. One can get better at noticing and feeling those thoughts and feelings. One can practice “just noticing” them and then bring oneself back to center.
Last but not least, love requires an enormous sense of humor. I have this animated film in my head of me constantly changing from this bratty 12-year-old who wants what he wants when he wants it and if does not get rewarded with what he wants he is not going to do anything to this very Buddha like, serene, accepting man who has attained the apex of spiritual maturity. With my energizer bunny battery fully activated, I run back and forth between the two. I am bright, stupid, loving, selfish, delightful, petty, and a host of other characters. Bless my heart.
Martin Luther King Jr., for all his achievements, was very obviously a human and, yet, he kept coming back to the commitment that, “I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear.”
Oscar Wilde, on the other hand, was this delightful elf who is alleged to have said, “Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead.” My image of Oscar is as a butterfly flitting from one flower to the next spreading his pollen or seeds of love.
Love is always enough but, my dear, it is a verb. It is not a ticket disguised as a diamond or a box of candy which guarantees love or anything else in return. Oh well!
(Oscar Wilde and Martin Luther King quotes can be found at:
http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_love.html#haopyyk77cCUG6lL.99)
Written February 12, 2016
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