Love is tough
Daily I am reminded of how strong – how tough – one has to be to love.
Those of us who are parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents, coaches, teachers, health care providers or anyone who comes into contact with children and young people have the challenge of teaching them by example what it means to be tough. This is not a new challenge. Every generation of humans have been faced with this question. Every generation of humans have been faced with this question. On the one side is the bully who uses power, physical size, words, or other weapons to attempt to force person(s), organizations or countries to do what he and she wants them to do. On the other side, one has the non-bully who is committed to showing up with love no matter what anyone says, does or threatens. Gandhi, Martin Luther King Jr., Dorothy Day, Mother Theresa, Jesus, and fictional characters such as Bigger Thomas are powerful examples of those who are not intimated by a bully and will not back down or respond in a bullying manner.
Bully behavior does work. If someone knocks me out with a sledge hammer or shoots me with a gun then they have won the battle. On the other hand, one has to operationally define what it means to win a battle. What is the battle? There is no doubt that any country with nuclear weapons, of which the United States is one, can win battles. Still one always has to ask, who has won the war. Who has won the war depends on one’s core values. My core values tell me that nothing justifies my being a bully or otherwise mistreating others. My winning the “war” means that I hang on to my core values no matters what others do or do not do. As Bigger Thomas would say to those who would attempt to be one’s enemy, “Ain’t nothin you can do except kill me and that ain’t nothing.”
Those who posit that toughness is about the ability to bully or threaten with emotional or physical violence are, I believe, destined to win battles and lose the war.
Real toughness is the ability to hang on to unconditional love - to treat others as one wants to be treated – no matter what others do or do not do. Reacting or blaming other people, places or notions for one’s behavior involves giving away all one truly owns – one’s integrity.
Written May 12, 2018
Daily I am reminded of how strong – how tough – one has to be to love.
Those of us who are parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents, coaches, teachers, health care providers or anyone who comes into contact with children and young people have the challenge of teaching them by example what it means to be tough. This is not a new challenge. Every generation of humans have been faced with this question. Every generation of humans have been faced with this question. On the one side is the bully who uses power, physical size, words, or other weapons to attempt to force person(s), organizations or countries to do what he and she wants them to do. On the other side, one has the non-bully who is committed to showing up with love no matter what anyone says, does or threatens. Gandhi, Martin Luther King Jr., Dorothy Day, Mother Theresa, Jesus, and fictional characters such as Bigger Thomas are powerful examples of those who are not intimated by a bully and will not back down or respond in a bullying manner.
Bully behavior does work. If someone knocks me out with a sledge hammer or shoots me with a gun then they have won the battle. On the other hand, one has to operationally define what it means to win a battle. What is the battle? There is no doubt that any country with nuclear weapons, of which the United States is one, can win battles. Still one always has to ask, who has won the war. Who has won the war depends on one’s core values. My core values tell me that nothing justifies my being a bully or otherwise mistreating others. My winning the “war” means that I hang on to my core values no matters what others do or do not do. As Bigger Thomas would say to those who would attempt to be one’s enemy, “Ain’t nothin you can do except kill me and that ain’t nothing.”
Those who posit that toughness is about the ability to bully or threaten with emotional or physical violence are, I believe, destined to win battles and lose the war.
Real toughness is the ability to hang on to unconditional love - to treat others as one wants to be treated – no matter what others do or do not do. Reacting or blaming other people, places or notions for one’s behavior involves giving away all one truly owns – one’s integrity.
Written May 12, 2018
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