Loves me, loves me not
I am lovable . I am unlovable
Although Valentine’s Day was originally the Feast of Saint valentine honoring some early saints named Valentine for many it is now a reminder to let others, especially one’s significant other, know how much you love and appreciate them. Most would agree that a personal card, a hand-written note, or uninterrupted time is the best gift of all. In our economic system it is also an opportunity to make money by feeding expectations of both the giver and the receiver. Consequently some people will spend huge sums of money on flowers, cards, expensive chocolates and other gifts. Some are given from the heart; some in hopes of getting forgiven for not making the relationship a priority; and some in hopes of storing credit just in case one needs it.
For some the thoughtfulness or the expense of the gift will determine the health of the relationship.
For those adults and even teenagers without a romantic relationship it could be a depressing day; a day which one allows the implications of the commercial hype to determine one’s worth. Surely if one does not have a significant others there must be something wrong with one. One might or might not be perfectly content without a romantic relationship, but still be concerned about what others might think of one. Will they pity one or suggest that it is understandable why one does not have a romantic relationship. After all, “Who could love such a person.”
As teenagers many may have trusted the wisdom of the flower petals to determine if one is loved. Most remember this test. One takes a flowers with petals and pulls them off one by one. The first petal is “He/she loves me.” The second one is , “He/she loves me not.” One keeps doing this until the last petal determines the answer. One may decide the answer determines one’s worth.
As adults most of us no longer allow the petals of the flower determine our worth but we still allow other people or situations to determine our worth. We may even have a very complex score board to keep track of how many likes we have on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram. We may use a comparisons of salaries, ages, physical looks, money or other rating system to determine our worth. We can also allow racism, sexism, homophobia or other forms of oppression to determine our worth or lack thereof.
There may be many reasons why some of us do not have a romantic partnership. We may be widowed, still healing from an unhealthy relationship or just too busy enjoying our life to find or make time for spending hours on match.com and suffering through numerous coffee dates. Perhaps we are open to a romantic relationship but do not have a need for one. Perhaps pursuing our professional passion does not allow us to be a nurturing partner on a regular basis.
No matter what our reason to have or to not have a romantic relationship we can have the loving support of non-romantic friends. We can also remind ourselves that neither Saint Valentine, the makers of Godiva chocolate or the local florist can determine our worth.
We have the ability and the right to delight in who we are and to embrace the gifts of our particular life path/dance.
Written February 14, 2020
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
I am lovable . I am unlovable
Although Valentine’s Day was originally the Feast of Saint valentine honoring some early saints named Valentine for many it is now a reminder to let others, especially one’s significant other, know how much you love and appreciate them. Most would agree that a personal card, a hand-written note, or uninterrupted time is the best gift of all. In our economic system it is also an opportunity to make money by feeding expectations of both the giver and the receiver. Consequently some people will spend huge sums of money on flowers, cards, expensive chocolates and other gifts. Some are given from the heart; some in hopes of getting forgiven for not making the relationship a priority; and some in hopes of storing credit just in case one needs it.
For some the thoughtfulness or the expense of the gift will determine the health of the relationship.
For those adults and even teenagers without a romantic relationship it could be a depressing day; a day which one allows the implications of the commercial hype to determine one’s worth. Surely if one does not have a significant others there must be something wrong with one. One might or might not be perfectly content without a romantic relationship, but still be concerned about what others might think of one. Will they pity one or suggest that it is understandable why one does not have a romantic relationship. After all, “Who could love such a person.”
As teenagers many may have trusted the wisdom of the flower petals to determine if one is loved. Most remember this test. One takes a flowers with petals and pulls them off one by one. The first petal is “He/she loves me.” The second one is , “He/she loves me not.” One keeps doing this until the last petal determines the answer. One may decide the answer determines one’s worth.
As adults most of us no longer allow the petals of the flower determine our worth but we still allow other people or situations to determine our worth. We may even have a very complex score board to keep track of how many likes we have on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram. We may use a comparisons of salaries, ages, physical looks, money or other rating system to determine our worth. We can also allow racism, sexism, homophobia or other forms of oppression to determine our worth or lack thereof.
There may be many reasons why some of us do not have a romantic partnership. We may be widowed, still healing from an unhealthy relationship or just too busy enjoying our life to find or make time for spending hours on match.com and suffering through numerous coffee dates. Perhaps we are open to a romantic relationship but do not have a need for one. Perhaps pursuing our professional passion does not allow us to be a nurturing partner on a regular basis.
No matter what our reason to have or to not have a romantic relationship we can have the loving support of non-romantic friends. We can also remind ourselves that neither Saint Valentine, the makers of Godiva chocolate or the local florist can determine our worth.
We have the ability and the right to delight in who we are and to embrace the gifts of our particular life path/dance.
Written February 14, 2020
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
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