Loving one’s enemy
Many readers are familiar with the teachings in both the Old and the New Testaments used by Christians to “love your enemy and pray for those who persecute you.” (Matthew 5:44); “A man’s insight gives him patience, and his virtue is to overlook the offense.” (Proverbs 19:11). Many will also be familiar with similar verses in the Quran ““all good and evil deeds are not alike. Repel evil with good. And he who is your enemy will become your dearest friend (4:33-34).
We live in an age where it is possible to do solid, scientific research of those who would directly and indirectly harm others. Such research tells us that the bully is the person who has been bullied. Such research tells us that many seek to hide their fear of not being enough - of not being worthy of love – behind a mask of hate, indifference and intimidation.
Father Greg Boyle who works with/for recovering gang members in Los Angeles says in his most recent book Barking to the Choir: The Power of Radical Kinship:
“There are no monsters, villains, or bad guys. Eddie seems to know this. There are only folks who carry unspeakable pain. There are among us the profoundly traumatized who deal in the currency of damage. And there are those whose minds are ill; whose sickness chases them every day. But there are no bad guys. Jesus seems to suggest that there are no exceptions to this. Yet it’s hard for us to believe him.” (page 136, Kindle version).
Earlier in this same book Father Boyle says:
“Every homie I know who has killed somebody – everyone – has carried a load one hundred times heavier that I have had to carry, weighed down by torture, violence, abuse, neglect, abandonment, or mental illness. Most of us have never borne that weight. We are free not to like that truth, but we are not free to deny it.” (page 131, Kindle version)
It is with this background or, should I say challenge, that I pray for those who see me as the enemy; who would seek to harm me in some way. The prayer is easy, “God of my understanding, love person X. Help them to embrace love; to know that it is safe to allow others to love them.”. Yet, if I am totally honest, there is another part of my prayer which I may not verbalize. This part of the prayer is: “God of my understanding, soften their heart and make sure that person X knows that I am not the problem. Make sure that they do what is right and quit trying to harm me.” My prayer is often conditional. I often seem unable to just pray for person X – to love my enemy. I expect the God of my understanding to heal their heart so that they treat me with love.” Yet, loving others first requires that one oneself. Loving others requires that one accept that one is worth loving. Father Boyle and all the staff of Homeboy Industries are committed to loving others before and after they have the courage to love themselves – to accept that they are worth loving. They love the homie long before the homie has let go of the often violent shields. They love without any expectations or conditions.
To love without any conditions or expectations does not come easy for this human. To love one’s enemy does not mean that the enemy will suddenly let go of their fear; will let go of their need to be better than or more than; their need to ensure that they punish one for a perceived wrong. Loving one’s enemy requires that one first accept unconditional love; that one holds oneself in the cradle of loving kindness. Only then can one take the first step towards loving one’s enemy without any expectations or conditions.
Written July 19, 2018
Many readers are familiar with the teachings in both the Old and the New Testaments used by Christians to “love your enemy and pray for those who persecute you.” (Matthew 5:44); “A man’s insight gives him patience, and his virtue is to overlook the offense.” (Proverbs 19:11). Many will also be familiar with similar verses in the Quran ““all good and evil deeds are not alike. Repel evil with good. And he who is your enemy will become your dearest friend (4:33-34).
We live in an age where it is possible to do solid, scientific research of those who would directly and indirectly harm others. Such research tells us that the bully is the person who has been bullied. Such research tells us that many seek to hide their fear of not being enough - of not being worthy of love – behind a mask of hate, indifference and intimidation.
Father Greg Boyle who works with/for recovering gang members in Los Angeles says in his most recent book Barking to the Choir: The Power of Radical Kinship:
“There are no monsters, villains, or bad guys. Eddie seems to know this. There are only folks who carry unspeakable pain. There are among us the profoundly traumatized who deal in the currency of damage. And there are those whose minds are ill; whose sickness chases them every day. But there are no bad guys. Jesus seems to suggest that there are no exceptions to this. Yet it’s hard for us to believe him.” (page 136, Kindle version).
Earlier in this same book Father Boyle says:
“Every homie I know who has killed somebody – everyone – has carried a load one hundred times heavier that I have had to carry, weighed down by torture, violence, abuse, neglect, abandonment, or mental illness. Most of us have never borne that weight. We are free not to like that truth, but we are not free to deny it.” (page 131, Kindle version)
It is with this background or, should I say challenge, that I pray for those who see me as the enemy; who would seek to harm me in some way. The prayer is easy, “God of my understanding, love person X. Help them to embrace love; to know that it is safe to allow others to love them.”. Yet, if I am totally honest, there is another part of my prayer which I may not verbalize. This part of the prayer is: “God of my understanding, soften their heart and make sure that person X knows that I am not the problem. Make sure that they do what is right and quit trying to harm me.” My prayer is often conditional. I often seem unable to just pray for person X – to love my enemy. I expect the God of my understanding to heal their heart so that they treat me with love.” Yet, loving others first requires that one oneself. Loving others requires that one accept that one is worth loving. Father Boyle and all the staff of Homeboy Industries are committed to loving others before and after they have the courage to love themselves – to accept that they are worth loving. They love the homie long before the homie has let go of the often violent shields. They love without any expectations or conditions.
To love without any conditions or expectations does not come easy for this human. To love one’s enemy does not mean that the enemy will suddenly let go of their fear; will let go of their need to be better than or more than; their need to ensure that they punish one for a perceived wrong. Loving one’s enemy requires that one first accept unconditional love; that one holds oneself in the cradle of loving kindness. Only then can one take the first step towards loving one’s enemy without any expectations or conditions.
Written July 19, 2018
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