Making it personal
It seems many of us humans spend a lifetime reacting to the behavior of others as if their behavior Is about us. While it is true that, at times, others deliberately say something or take an action the intent of which is to emotionally or every physically hurt us, the behavior of others is not about us even if it affects us. All us humans engage in behavior which is designed to meet our needs either temporarily or in a more long-term fashion. If one deliberately decides to hurt another it may be because one thinks that behavior will either even the score or in some other way make one feel better. If one does a kind action it is also designed to make the giver feel good about themselves. This does not diminish the value of the kind action.
Often, one may blame another person for his or her behavior. One might, for example, assert that if one’s parents had not behaved in a different way than one would not have chosen some unhealthy behavior. One might say that if one’s boss treated one better one would be a more productive worker. One might say that if person or group x had not behaved in a certain way than one could have made different choices.
There is truth to the fact that one can only choose behavior which is in one’s toolbox. If one has only been exposed to one behavioral option as a response to situation Y he or she is likely to choose that option. On the other hand, we all know people who have grown up in terrible conditions -even with very abusive parents - and have deliberately shopped for other options. Those who shop for other options somehow came to believe that there must be a more effective or kinder way to function. Perhaps an author, neighbor, teacher or even a peer opened up that door of hope for them. In order for that door to open one has to accept the possibility that they deserve to find another path. Whether one calls this hope or some other name, one has to allow for that possibility that if X can have a good life then one can also have a good life.
If one cannot access that hope or belief then one may well be a victim waiting for someone or something to rescue one. Many people, for example, wait their entire life for a parent or parents to give them the unconditional love they crave. Some wait for that perfect job, scholarship, winning lottery number or some other magic to happen.
We know that habit, clinical depression, negative people or other factors can keep one locked into a negative, victim role. Other people, places, and things only have the power that we accede to them. Granted, it may feel as if one has no power, but the truth is that the behavior or thinking of others does not determine one’s thoughts or actions today. Today most of us have the option of venturing outside the negative, victim box. One may need help from medication, exercise, a change in diet, a trusted friend/mentor or a professional. It is up to us to claim that help.
We cannot change other people, places or things but we can change ourselves and the doors we seek; the doors of hope and possibilities.
Written March 5, 2019
Jimmy F Pickett
Coachpickett.org
It seems many of us humans spend a lifetime reacting to the behavior of others as if their behavior Is about us. While it is true that, at times, others deliberately say something or take an action the intent of which is to emotionally or every physically hurt us, the behavior of others is not about us even if it affects us. All us humans engage in behavior which is designed to meet our needs either temporarily or in a more long-term fashion. If one deliberately decides to hurt another it may be because one thinks that behavior will either even the score or in some other way make one feel better. If one does a kind action it is also designed to make the giver feel good about themselves. This does not diminish the value of the kind action.
Often, one may blame another person for his or her behavior. One might, for example, assert that if one’s parents had not behaved in a different way than one would not have chosen some unhealthy behavior. One might say that if one’s boss treated one better one would be a more productive worker. One might say that if person or group x had not behaved in a certain way than one could have made different choices.
There is truth to the fact that one can only choose behavior which is in one’s toolbox. If one has only been exposed to one behavioral option as a response to situation Y he or she is likely to choose that option. On the other hand, we all know people who have grown up in terrible conditions -even with very abusive parents - and have deliberately shopped for other options. Those who shop for other options somehow came to believe that there must be a more effective or kinder way to function. Perhaps an author, neighbor, teacher or even a peer opened up that door of hope for them. In order for that door to open one has to accept the possibility that they deserve to find another path. Whether one calls this hope or some other name, one has to allow for that possibility that if X can have a good life then one can also have a good life.
If one cannot access that hope or belief then one may well be a victim waiting for someone or something to rescue one. Many people, for example, wait their entire life for a parent or parents to give them the unconditional love they crave. Some wait for that perfect job, scholarship, winning lottery number or some other magic to happen.
We know that habit, clinical depression, negative people or other factors can keep one locked into a negative, victim role. Other people, places, and things only have the power that we accede to them. Granted, it may feel as if one has no power, but the truth is that the behavior or thinking of others does not determine one’s thoughts or actions today. Today most of us have the option of venturing outside the negative, victim box. One may need help from medication, exercise, a change in diet, a trusted friend/mentor or a professional. It is up to us to claim that help.
We cannot change other people, places or things but we can change ourselves and the doors we seek; the doors of hope and possibilities.
Written March 5, 2019
Jimmy F Pickett
Coachpickett.org
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