Making sense of the news
As I recall from reading about the humorist Will Rogers he would often comment on the daily news although he later became part of the very establishment at which he poked fun. He had a long run/career as a syndicated newspaper columnist. I can well imagine what fun he might have today helping us laugh more at ourselves. Just consider, for example:
· U. K. votes to renew nuclear-weapons program.
· Iran Nuclear deal makes world safer.
· Christians laud party platform which opposes same sex parenting and marriage, bathroom choice, and abortion.
· Boys cool to Hasbro’s Toys.
· Gun sales up since shooting of police.
· Bring real guns and not toy guns to convention in Cleveland.
· Mrs. Trump repeats Mrs. Obama’s speech.
So, the logic is that if I have bigger, more destructive weapons others will be frightened and not pose a threat even though we have to insist that countries such as North Korea and Iran should not be developing nuclear weapons. If others do not have nuclear weapons the world is safer and if we do the world is safer. Okay. Got it.
In a world with random acts of mass violence as well as more organized wars we are worried about what genitals the parents have. Who knew that parents did their job with their genitals? One shutters to think how that works with house cleaning, cooking, going out to work (All parents must be prostitutes?), or singing a lullaby.
The best way to improve the economy is to train people to be highly paid bathroom checkers. It will take a lot of skills to cross check genitals and birth certificates. Perhaps an even better job skill would be forging of birth certificates. Since one of the most common responses to sexual preference on dating sites is now fluid perhaps one could advocate to have this put on birth certificates. What is the gender of your baby? Fluid. No, wait. That might be offensive to those who are transgender - as if we are being disrespectful of their need to claim their true gender.
Then there is abortion. It warms my heart to know that politicians and not doctors are going to help women make such important decisions. I can see Mr. Trump now rounding up women and their doctors. We know that anyone who would get a post-rape abortion sets a dangerous precedent. Who knows what she might do? She might join the military.
What about this business of the slump in the sales of boys toys? Obviously this is a serious indication of why we need a president who can make the United States (Oh, excuse me, America) great again) We need boys to be boys and girls to be girls. The next thing we know boys will be wearing pink and sharing in house work thus making women obsolete. Then boys will want to be girls and then we will need more bathroom checkers and then … How do we know that a toy is male or female? Everyone knows that gendered toys – “Hello I am a male toy!” – ensure that big boys want bigger boy’s toys such as nuclear weapons. Oh dear! Is Mrs. May a Mr. May? Hamm….
More gun violence is obviously good for gun sales which is good for the economy which is good health care which is good for the sale of little and big boy’s toys. Violence is good for the economy which is good for gun sales which is good for making American strong again! It all makes perfect sense! After all, how much can one charge for a toy gun. It makes sense to outlaw them. They are bad for the economy.
Well, quality is quality. Mrs. Trump can hardly be held responsible for Mrs. Obama copying or channeling Mrs. Trump’s speech and then talking as if Mrs. Trump copied hers. Those democrats will start any rumor that will malign those who are obviously superior.
It is good that we had this time to review the daily news. What is that you say? Stephen Colbert has been channeling me again! He is dressed as Stanley Tucci’s Hunger Game character when he rushed the stage at the Quicken Loans Arena. Certainly I did not have to dress to get a laugh. Really! By the way, why is the Republican convention at a loans arena? What is a loans arena anyway? Not just a loans arena but a quick one.
It is important that we know that, despite all evidence to the contrary, that the news does make sense. Tune in same time tomorrow or email me anytime you, the reader, gets confused.
Written July 19, 2016
As I recall from reading about the humorist Will Rogers he would often comment on the daily news although he later became part of the very establishment at which he poked fun. He had a long run/career as a syndicated newspaper columnist. I can well imagine what fun he might have today helping us laugh more at ourselves. Just consider, for example:
· U. K. votes to renew nuclear-weapons program.
· Iran Nuclear deal makes world safer.
· Christians laud party platform which opposes same sex parenting and marriage, bathroom choice, and abortion.
· Boys cool to Hasbro’s Toys.
· Gun sales up since shooting of police.
· Bring real guns and not toy guns to convention in Cleveland.
· Mrs. Trump repeats Mrs. Obama’s speech.
So, the logic is that if I have bigger, more destructive weapons others will be frightened and not pose a threat even though we have to insist that countries such as North Korea and Iran should not be developing nuclear weapons. If others do not have nuclear weapons the world is safer and if we do the world is safer. Okay. Got it.
In a world with random acts of mass violence as well as more organized wars we are worried about what genitals the parents have. Who knew that parents did their job with their genitals? One shutters to think how that works with house cleaning, cooking, going out to work (All parents must be prostitutes?), or singing a lullaby.
The best way to improve the economy is to train people to be highly paid bathroom checkers. It will take a lot of skills to cross check genitals and birth certificates. Perhaps an even better job skill would be forging of birth certificates. Since one of the most common responses to sexual preference on dating sites is now fluid perhaps one could advocate to have this put on birth certificates. What is the gender of your baby? Fluid. No, wait. That might be offensive to those who are transgender - as if we are being disrespectful of their need to claim their true gender.
Then there is abortion. It warms my heart to know that politicians and not doctors are going to help women make such important decisions. I can see Mr. Trump now rounding up women and their doctors. We know that anyone who would get a post-rape abortion sets a dangerous precedent. Who knows what she might do? She might join the military.
What about this business of the slump in the sales of boys toys? Obviously this is a serious indication of why we need a president who can make the United States (Oh, excuse me, America) great again) We need boys to be boys and girls to be girls. The next thing we know boys will be wearing pink and sharing in house work thus making women obsolete. Then boys will want to be girls and then we will need more bathroom checkers and then … How do we know that a toy is male or female? Everyone knows that gendered toys – “Hello I am a male toy!” – ensure that big boys want bigger boy’s toys such as nuclear weapons. Oh dear! Is Mrs. May a Mr. May? Hamm….
More gun violence is obviously good for gun sales which is good for the economy which is good health care which is good for the sale of little and big boy’s toys. Violence is good for the economy which is good for gun sales which is good for making American strong again! It all makes perfect sense! After all, how much can one charge for a toy gun. It makes sense to outlaw them. They are bad for the economy.
Well, quality is quality. Mrs. Trump can hardly be held responsible for Mrs. Obama copying or channeling Mrs. Trump’s speech and then talking as if Mrs. Trump copied hers. Those democrats will start any rumor that will malign those who are obviously superior.
It is good that we had this time to review the daily news. What is that you say? Stephen Colbert has been channeling me again! He is dressed as Stanley Tucci’s Hunger Game character when he rushed the stage at the Quicken Loans Arena. Certainly I did not have to dress to get a laugh. Really! By the way, why is the Republican convention at a loans arena? What is a loans arena anyway? Not just a loans arena but a quick one.
It is important that we know that, despite all evidence to the contrary, that the news does make sense. Tune in same time tomorrow or email me anytime you, the reader, gets confused.
Written July 19, 2016
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