Mastering anxiety
Many individuals have internalized the belief that one should be in control of persons, information, situations, or objects. The truth, of course, is they are not in control. Yet, the belief persists resulting in a feeling of frustration and anxiety or even panic when one is forced to face not being in control.
Some may have grown up in a home or a community situation which was not predictable or safe. They learned to be constantly on high alert since one never knew when emotional and/or physical danger might be present. They may have decided that it was better to be on high alert than to be relaxed and caught off guard. This can be true for those who have or are living with an active addict, a mentally ill person, someone with post-traumatic stress syndrome or for those who have lived in a community which not safe because of war, systemic racism, sexism, homophobia, religious intolerance or other forms of oppression.
If one lived for any period of time in any of those conditions one may find one continues to experience chronic anxiety or have panic attacks any time it feels as if one is not in control or does not have a way of making sure that the situation or people are predictable and safe. One may self-define a safe zone which is limited to a room, a house, a community or some other defined area. One may decide that going outside that safe area provokes extreme anxiety/panic and require one have a weapon of some sorts.
Obviously, this is an unhealthy and stressful way to live. Not only will the individual be anxious but may infect others in the home or community with the generalized fear/anxiety. They may become fearful of what the anxious person might do if something or someone might trigger an extreme defensive action.
Many folks have become dependent on anti-anxiety medications which may have to be periodically increased resulting in some negative side effects including increased anxiety requiring even more medication.
Some individuals may be born with a low tolerance for processing incoming stimuli. Even they can be trained to more effectively filter or block out much of the noise which most of us naturally ignore. Most with chronic anxiety and/or panic attacks can learn to safely just notice anxiety and let it pass. Even if one has been chronically anxious for many years one can learn that it is safe to relax most of the time. The advice one needs to give oneself are simple:
· Remember one has effectively dealt with life on life terms for many years. There is scientific evidence that one can quickly and effectively respond to any new situation. My experience is that when something or someone is important and there no time to think, 99% of us handle what comes our way.
· Remembering that one is not one’s anxiety, panic or fear. One has a relationship with it. One can remind oneself one is stronger than fear, anxiety or panic. It may not feel this way but this is the truth.
· Practicing nostril and deep breathing, I highly recommend the book. Breath: The Lost Art and Science of Our Most Essential Function by James Nestor. Many of us forget to breathe when we get anxious or fearful. We unconsciously hold our breath. We also learn to breathe through our mouth. Mr. Nestor details the benefits of breathing in and out through our nostrils.
· Daily set new goals broken into small achievable steps. Each step is designed to go slightly past one’s comfort zone. It does not matter how small the step. Progress is consistently moving forward. The most common mistake is to get impatient or busy and quit setting and achieving new goals. Changing one’s relationship with anxiety is no different than changing one’s relationship with any other habit such as nicotine or unhealthy nutrition. Intermittent reinforcement or feeding the old habit intermittently ensures the behavior will eventually always “win”. Allowing that to happen cannot be an option.
· Practicing holistic health habits is imperative. It takes energy to make changes. Attempting to changes on empty gas tanks will never work. Healthy nutrition, exercise, emotional support and spiritual support are all ways of filling one’s gas tanks. If one has medical conditions they also need treated. In fact, I always recommend starting, if possible, with a compile physical exam, checking for thyroid function and base health indicators which can affect one’s energy level.
· If affordable and available, use of a coach or therapist can be helpful in keeping one moving forward. Some therapist my use techniques such as EMDR. In most geographical area there are competent coaches/therapists who will negotiate an affordable fee if one does not have insurance coverage or cash to cover the cost.
· Ensuring one is living in a safe home even if that has to be a temporary shelter for abused people.
Giving up is not an option. Step by step change is deserved and is possible
Written June 22, 2021
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
Many individuals have internalized the belief that one should be in control of persons, information, situations, or objects. The truth, of course, is they are not in control. Yet, the belief persists resulting in a feeling of frustration and anxiety or even panic when one is forced to face not being in control.
Some may have grown up in a home or a community situation which was not predictable or safe. They learned to be constantly on high alert since one never knew when emotional and/or physical danger might be present. They may have decided that it was better to be on high alert than to be relaxed and caught off guard. This can be true for those who have or are living with an active addict, a mentally ill person, someone with post-traumatic stress syndrome or for those who have lived in a community which not safe because of war, systemic racism, sexism, homophobia, religious intolerance or other forms of oppression.
If one lived for any period of time in any of those conditions one may find one continues to experience chronic anxiety or have panic attacks any time it feels as if one is not in control or does not have a way of making sure that the situation or people are predictable and safe. One may self-define a safe zone which is limited to a room, a house, a community or some other defined area. One may decide that going outside that safe area provokes extreme anxiety/panic and require one have a weapon of some sorts.
Obviously, this is an unhealthy and stressful way to live. Not only will the individual be anxious but may infect others in the home or community with the generalized fear/anxiety. They may become fearful of what the anxious person might do if something or someone might trigger an extreme defensive action.
Many folks have become dependent on anti-anxiety medications which may have to be periodically increased resulting in some negative side effects including increased anxiety requiring even more medication.
Some individuals may be born with a low tolerance for processing incoming stimuli. Even they can be trained to more effectively filter or block out much of the noise which most of us naturally ignore. Most with chronic anxiety and/or panic attacks can learn to safely just notice anxiety and let it pass. Even if one has been chronically anxious for many years one can learn that it is safe to relax most of the time. The advice one needs to give oneself are simple:
· Remember one has effectively dealt with life on life terms for many years. There is scientific evidence that one can quickly and effectively respond to any new situation. My experience is that when something or someone is important and there no time to think, 99% of us handle what comes our way.
· Remembering that one is not one’s anxiety, panic or fear. One has a relationship with it. One can remind oneself one is stronger than fear, anxiety or panic. It may not feel this way but this is the truth.
· Practicing nostril and deep breathing, I highly recommend the book. Breath: The Lost Art and Science of Our Most Essential Function by James Nestor. Many of us forget to breathe when we get anxious or fearful. We unconsciously hold our breath. We also learn to breathe through our mouth. Mr. Nestor details the benefits of breathing in and out through our nostrils.
· Daily set new goals broken into small achievable steps. Each step is designed to go slightly past one’s comfort zone. It does not matter how small the step. Progress is consistently moving forward. The most common mistake is to get impatient or busy and quit setting and achieving new goals. Changing one’s relationship with anxiety is no different than changing one’s relationship with any other habit such as nicotine or unhealthy nutrition. Intermittent reinforcement or feeding the old habit intermittently ensures the behavior will eventually always “win”. Allowing that to happen cannot be an option.
· Practicing holistic health habits is imperative. It takes energy to make changes. Attempting to changes on empty gas tanks will never work. Healthy nutrition, exercise, emotional support and spiritual support are all ways of filling one’s gas tanks. If one has medical conditions they also need treated. In fact, I always recommend starting, if possible, with a compile physical exam, checking for thyroid function and base health indicators which can affect one’s energy level.
· If affordable and available, use of a coach or therapist can be helpful in keeping one moving forward. Some therapist my use techniques such as EMDR. In most geographical area there are competent coaches/therapists who will negotiate an affordable fee if one does not have insurance coverage or cash to cover the cost.
· Ensuring one is living in a safe home even if that has to be a temporary shelter for abused people.
Giving up is not an option. Step by step change is deserved and is possible
Written June 22, 2021
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
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