Grandma says: Everything comes full circle
One of Grandma Fannie favorite lessons was “Everything comes full circle or what goes around comes around.” or as some might say, “It will come back to bite you in the behind.” Later we grandchildren were to realize that this was, in many ways, another version of “You will reap what you sew.” This lesson was intoned in a variety of situations such as:
· Cheating on your homework or rushing through it will mean summer school or, at the very least, extra studying supervised by you know who.
· Treating another person unkindly. She was quick to remind one that soon others would treat you unkindly.
· Doing only half your chores but saying you did them all would always be noticed. One would have twice the chores tomorrow.
· Rushing through prayers or other spiritual practice which left one unprepared to deal with difficult or sad situations.
Grandma Fannie was fond of Jesus and often quoted Him. In reference to this lesson she often quoted from the Gospel according to John, Chapter 8 (New International Version):
8 1 but Jesus went to the Mount of Olives.
2 At dawn he appeared again in the temple courts, where all the people gathered around him, and he sat down to teach them.3 The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group 4 and said to Jesus, “Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. 5 In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?” 6 They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him.
But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. 7 When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.”
Depending on the age of us children the wording might change a bit. The woman might become a child who has misbehaved in some way. This was very useful when we children were being judgmental about some classmate. (Sadly the subject of racism did not come up directly but Grandma Fannie did not care who the misbehaving person might be. She merely cared that we were acting as if we were better than the person of whom we were making fun.) The misbehaving person might also be one of our siblings. Fortunately, we were never dumb enough to criticize or repeat a criticism we had heard about one of our adult relatives. I can only imagine the hours of “instruction” one might have had to endure if we had dared to have such a serious lack of judgment or good sense.
I am often reminded of this Grandma Fannie lesson. As with most of her lessons this one was not original with her or with Jesus. It is one of those eternal truths with seemed to always be obvious to wise people. Yet, we humans seem to have a difficult time applying this lesson to much of our daily behavior. Whether in the role as parent, child, student, CEO or politician, we seems unable to remember or to fully accept this lesson.
This morning I had an email lamenting what may be passive aggressive behavior by someone we both know. I do not know this person well enough to know how he “chose” or stumbled on this behavior as a way of attempting to protect himself from getting hurt. I do get the impression that this man is easily overwhelmed, has a tendency to blame others for his mistakes or limitations, and gets easily angered. In many respects, he seems fearful of his own humanness. Perhaps he has somehow decided or is fearful that he is not enough and will prove that he is enough by acting as if he is “without sin,” better than, more powerful than, more important than or something. Of course, the more he mistreats others the more isolated and fearful he becomes which leads to using the same old tools which leads to … This is an obvious example of what goes around comes around. I have no doubt that long term his wife will be okay. Although she loves this man and will do anything she can to reclaim the marriage she thought she would have with him, she will eventually refuse to participate in this dance and officially recognize the end of this marriage. Of course, all those who care about both of them and their children hope and pray that counseling will help them create a new dance of intimacy.
Daily as individuals and as a nation we experience those who attempt to use power to prove their worth – more commonly known as a bully. The bully bullies with physical, emotional, political, or economic power. The bullied person or nation bullies back in one of these ways. They can continue to do this dance until one party temporarily gives up or comes to the realization that they have the power to change their dance which will force the other party to change their dance.
As an engineering student, I learned a new way of understanding and stating this Grandma Fannie lesson. The simple version is: Systems are systems are systems. In other words, all pieces of the system act and react. If one changes one part of the system, it affects the entire system. If I respond to the bully with love he or she will initially respond with more bullying. If I consistently respond with love the bully will either leave or change his/her behavior. If my friend refuses to accept the passive aggressive behavior of her husband he will keep trying to restore the old balance, he will leave or he will agree to explore a different dance. The hope is that his agreement to go to counseling means that he truly is ready to explore a different dance.
The woman to whom Jesus was talking expected to be stoned with words or actions. Jesus responded with love and chided those who wanted to stone her by suggesting that only those without sin could cast the first stone. They left and she decided to explore a different behavior. In effect Jesus interrupted the system thus forcing everyone in the system to change. His force was lovingly refusing to do the accepted dance of stoning her - of acting as if some were sinful and some were not sinful.
Every day I am tempted to take a shortcut, to respond in kind to the bully or to act in some way as if I can avoid doing the next right thing. Very often Grandma Fannie manages to get my attention by reminding me that “What goes around comes around.” Not surprisingly, there are times when I do not listen in which case my decision always comes back to bite me in the “arse.”
Written May 8, 2017
One of Grandma Fannie favorite lessons was “Everything comes full circle or what goes around comes around.” or as some might say, “It will come back to bite you in the behind.” Later we grandchildren were to realize that this was, in many ways, another version of “You will reap what you sew.” This lesson was intoned in a variety of situations such as:
· Cheating on your homework or rushing through it will mean summer school or, at the very least, extra studying supervised by you know who.
· Treating another person unkindly. She was quick to remind one that soon others would treat you unkindly.
· Doing only half your chores but saying you did them all would always be noticed. One would have twice the chores tomorrow.
· Rushing through prayers or other spiritual practice which left one unprepared to deal with difficult or sad situations.
Grandma Fannie was fond of Jesus and often quoted Him. In reference to this lesson she often quoted from the Gospel according to John, Chapter 8 (New International Version):
8 1 but Jesus went to the Mount of Olives.
2 At dawn he appeared again in the temple courts, where all the people gathered around him, and he sat down to teach them.3 The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group 4 and said to Jesus, “Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. 5 In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?” 6 They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him.
But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. 7 When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.”
Depending on the age of us children the wording might change a bit. The woman might become a child who has misbehaved in some way. This was very useful when we children were being judgmental about some classmate. (Sadly the subject of racism did not come up directly but Grandma Fannie did not care who the misbehaving person might be. She merely cared that we were acting as if we were better than the person of whom we were making fun.) The misbehaving person might also be one of our siblings. Fortunately, we were never dumb enough to criticize or repeat a criticism we had heard about one of our adult relatives. I can only imagine the hours of “instruction” one might have had to endure if we had dared to have such a serious lack of judgment or good sense.
I am often reminded of this Grandma Fannie lesson. As with most of her lessons this one was not original with her or with Jesus. It is one of those eternal truths with seemed to always be obvious to wise people. Yet, we humans seem to have a difficult time applying this lesson to much of our daily behavior. Whether in the role as parent, child, student, CEO or politician, we seems unable to remember or to fully accept this lesson.
This morning I had an email lamenting what may be passive aggressive behavior by someone we both know. I do not know this person well enough to know how he “chose” or stumbled on this behavior as a way of attempting to protect himself from getting hurt. I do get the impression that this man is easily overwhelmed, has a tendency to blame others for his mistakes or limitations, and gets easily angered. In many respects, he seems fearful of his own humanness. Perhaps he has somehow decided or is fearful that he is not enough and will prove that he is enough by acting as if he is “without sin,” better than, more powerful than, more important than or something. Of course, the more he mistreats others the more isolated and fearful he becomes which leads to using the same old tools which leads to … This is an obvious example of what goes around comes around. I have no doubt that long term his wife will be okay. Although she loves this man and will do anything she can to reclaim the marriage she thought she would have with him, she will eventually refuse to participate in this dance and officially recognize the end of this marriage. Of course, all those who care about both of them and their children hope and pray that counseling will help them create a new dance of intimacy.
Daily as individuals and as a nation we experience those who attempt to use power to prove their worth – more commonly known as a bully. The bully bullies with physical, emotional, political, or economic power. The bullied person or nation bullies back in one of these ways. They can continue to do this dance until one party temporarily gives up or comes to the realization that they have the power to change their dance which will force the other party to change their dance.
As an engineering student, I learned a new way of understanding and stating this Grandma Fannie lesson. The simple version is: Systems are systems are systems. In other words, all pieces of the system act and react. If one changes one part of the system, it affects the entire system. If I respond to the bully with love he or she will initially respond with more bullying. If I consistently respond with love the bully will either leave or change his/her behavior. If my friend refuses to accept the passive aggressive behavior of her husband he will keep trying to restore the old balance, he will leave or he will agree to explore a different dance. The hope is that his agreement to go to counseling means that he truly is ready to explore a different dance.
The woman to whom Jesus was talking expected to be stoned with words or actions. Jesus responded with love and chided those who wanted to stone her by suggesting that only those without sin could cast the first stone. They left and she decided to explore a different behavior. In effect Jesus interrupted the system thus forcing everyone in the system to change. His force was lovingly refusing to do the accepted dance of stoning her - of acting as if some were sinful and some were not sinful.
Every day I am tempted to take a shortcut, to respond in kind to the bully or to act in some way as if I can avoid doing the next right thing. Very often Grandma Fannie manages to get my attention by reminding me that “What goes around comes around.” Not surprisingly, there are times when I do not listen in which case my decision always comes back to bite me in the “arse.”
Written May 8, 2017
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