“May not be suitable for children.”
Frequently there will be a news story about a current event, book, or play which is being discussed on a radio or television program which is preceded by the announcement that the content may not be suitable for children. Usually, the content in question has something about sexual practice or activity or about violence. It is assumed that adults need to protect children from knowing or hearing about sexual material or material. We, as a society, do not, however, think that children need to be protected from the fact that we, as a society, use sexually suggestive (often much more than suggestive) material to sell everything from cars to medications. The news is filled with the latest statistics of how many were killed in a terrorist incident, a random mass murder, or a war battle. Many video games and movie contain pretend violence.
The truth is we may attempt to shield some of our children from some of the violence and from some sexual content, but there is no way, unless one lives in a very restricted intentional community without any sort of internet access, that we can keep children in a bubble. I wonder if the problem is that children are exposed to sexual and violent content or that they are exposed to such information without any discussion of how to think about and make decisions about sexual and violent behavior.
When I was growing up we did not have electricity and, thus, did not have much access to radio, no television and the only books were those found in our home or in the home of Grandma Fannie or another relative. We could certainly hear our parents having sexual activity, observe farm animals having sex, and even at the regional, backwoods country school we attended have access to little “dirty books” depicting cartoon like characters in various forms of sexual play. I have no idea of how these little books found their way into the hands of my classmates, but they did.
We were regularly exposed to the killing of chickens, pigs, cows, rabbis and squirrels for food or the killing of predators. We knew that Uncle Rusty (not his real name) had what was then euphemistically called shell shock (the term post-traumatic stress disorder) and engaged in behavior which was tolerated only in those with some sort of disorder. We “knew” that families had lost sons and daughters in various wars or conflicts and we knew that some people did bad things to others and some of them went to jail.
We did not talk about:
We know some things about children:
In short I am not sure that “Some content might not be appropriate for children.” is in and of itself appropriate or helpful. Children need to learn how to thoughtful, caring and responsible adults. Obviously, when we do not learn this as children we do not automatically learn this as adults. I have attended museum exhibits such as the Photographic History of Lynching which included places to write, discuss, ask questions, or otherwise get help with understanding and learning how to deal with this history which continues to affect how we act and think today. Children and their families were encouraged to attend the exhibit. It was expected that children and adults might have many questions and feelings related to the exhibit. I recall spending considerable time just observing children and the adults with them. Most had very thoughtful comments and questions. They were not harmed by attending this exhibit. Quite the contrary, they were, I believe, better off for learning this history, as sad it as it is.
We can trust children. We can trust ourselves, as adults, to again learn to be as thoughtful, curious and open as children with content containing violent and sexual content.
Written July 5, 2017
Frequently there will be a news story about a current event, book, or play which is being discussed on a radio or television program which is preceded by the announcement that the content may not be suitable for children. Usually, the content in question has something about sexual practice or activity or about violence. It is assumed that adults need to protect children from knowing or hearing about sexual material or material. We, as a society, do not, however, think that children need to be protected from the fact that we, as a society, use sexually suggestive (often much more than suggestive) material to sell everything from cars to medications. The news is filled with the latest statistics of how many were killed in a terrorist incident, a random mass murder, or a war battle. Many video games and movie contain pretend violence.
The truth is we may attempt to shield some of our children from some of the violence and from some sexual content, but there is no way, unless one lives in a very restricted intentional community without any sort of internet access, that we can keep children in a bubble. I wonder if the problem is that children are exposed to sexual and violent content or that they are exposed to such information without any discussion of how to think about and make decisions about sexual and violent behavior.
When I was growing up we did not have electricity and, thus, did not have much access to radio, no television and the only books were those found in our home or in the home of Grandma Fannie or another relative. We could certainly hear our parents having sexual activity, observe farm animals having sex, and even at the regional, backwoods country school we attended have access to little “dirty books” depicting cartoon like characters in various forms of sexual play. I have no idea of how these little books found their way into the hands of my classmates, but they did.
We were regularly exposed to the killing of chickens, pigs, cows, rabbis and squirrels for food or the killing of predators. We knew that Uncle Rusty (not his real name) had what was then euphemistically called shell shock (the term post-traumatic stress disorder) and engaged in behavior which was tolerated only in those with some sort of disorder. We “knew” that families had lost sons and daughters in various wars or conflicts and we knew that some people did bad things to others and some of them went to jail.
We did not talk about:
- How making love was different than having sex.
- Forced sex by an adult or a peer.
- What one was supposed to do with “those feelings” and why playing with oneself was wrong (I did not learn the word masturbation until I was in the military.)
- The fact that shell shock involved profound grief over what one had seen and experienced – no way to integrate the experiences.
- What made some persons do bad things? Some just said some people are just bad.
- Why some violence was okay (especially by adults). and other violence was not okay.
- That in war one killed people just like oneself.
- That people could not be easily divided into good people and bad people although one learned in church that all are sinners. (Apparently, some were more so than others.)
We know some things about children:
- If one is paying attention children will only take in as much information as they are ready to hear. If we try to tell them more than they are willing or able to hear at this time they will always let one know (assuming a safe environment).
- Young children are very comfortable with their bodies unless or until they learn to feel ashamed of them.
- Children are naturally very curious and will ask about what they do not understand it they know it is safe to do so. For example, one of the program to which I was recently listening and which the announcer said might not be fit for children, described a combat injury which involved getting shot in the groin and bleeding out before they would get him from the combat area to the hospital. I could imagine a child ask about the groin area. The child might even then ask, “Did he lose his thing?” Then the child might ask why people do this to each other. There will always come a point in the conversation when the child has heard enough for now and will either change the subject or directly tell the adult “That’s all.”
- Children quickly grow up to be adults. At 18 many will join the military without any real preparation for the affect it will have on them short and long term.
- Many of our children are sexually active when still very young.
- Alcohol and other drug abuse, forced sex, bullying and the celebration of violence are very prevalent among our youth and many adults.
- Church attendance is way down and even though church attendance did not and does not insure an opportunity to adopt a set of core value it was one place where the subject of values might be addressed. For many nothing has replaced the church.
- There are some children who are going to find the information they need to be thoughtful, emotionally and spiritually healthy adults no matter what we adults do or do not do. Sadly, this is not the majority.
In short I am not sure that “Some content might not be appropriate for children.” is in and of itself appropriate or helpful. Children need to learn how to thoughtful, caring and responsible adults. Obviously, when we do not learn this as children we do not automatically learn this as adults. I have attended museum exhibits such as the Photographic History of Lynching which included places to write, discuss, ask questions, or otherwise get help with understanding and learning how to deal with this history which continues to affect how we act and think today. Children and their families were encouraged to attend the exhibit. It was expected that children and adults might have many questions and feelings related to the exhibit. I recall spending considerable time just observing children and the adults with them. Most had very thoughtful comments and questions. They were not harmed by attending this exhibit. Quite the contrary, they were, I believe, better off for learning this history, as sad it as it is.
We can trust children. We can trust ourselves, as adults, to again learn to be as thoughtful, curious and open as children with content containing violent and sexual content.
Written July 5, 2017
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