Memory
As I sit down to write on the morning of the 31st of the December, the last day of the year in the Georgian calendar, I find myself (love that phase, “finding myself”) continuing to focus on values - on the criteria for deciding on what is or is not important. Most of us are first exposed to values by our families of origin. We tend to internalize what we understood to be the factors guiding the behavior of the family in which we were raised. Of course, our understanding is based on the spoken and unspoken messages as well as our own observations. As an adult, I know, of course, that I see and hear with my mind and not with my eyes and ears. What I thought I saw and heard was filtered through my childhood mind which, of course, contained a limited experience. Occasionally, as an adult, I have been able to check with my siblings or even my mother to compare my childhood understanding with their memory. Of course, their understanding and memories are also shaped by their experiences and the “knowledge” they have stored to in their internal library to help them interpret the auditory and visual cues which are transmitted to their brain by all their sensory organs – eyes, ears, nose, taste buds and, of course, that which arrives via sense of touch. My memory and theirs is this very personal account of events which was experienced and interrupted by our individual brains.
Sadly, if not careful, I will base current opinions and behavior on the truths I formulated from the time I was a young child. If not careful, I will act as if there are absolute truths in terms of previous events and in terms of values or criteria for deciding behavior.
I may also talk or act as if my memory of the event is accurate in terms of how I experienced the event at the time. I know, of course, that even my memory is an ever evolving story. Over the years I have revisited these stories stored as memories and have added to or subtracted from them. This is usually not a conscious or intentional process. It seems as if the stories get more tragic or more wonderful depending on what might be going on with me now or what I need, in some part of my being, them to be.
None of the above factors will necessarily stop arguments about which memory is correct or insure that I let go of resentments or past hurts which are based on these subjective truths.
This entire process sounds so silly when I write it down. How could any of us, but especially this human who firmly believes what I have just written, hold on to resentment, hurts, or grudges based on these subjective truths? This makes no sense at all. I suppose I could state that somehow I have traveled from point A to B over what I choose to call this period of time.
Are there no facts? Of course, there are bits of external reality to which most of us could agree. I can travel to the house or at least the property where I spent many years of my youth and even the house when I spent the period between my 16th and 18th years. I could even show you, the reader, the first college that I attended in Annapolis, Maryland. I could show you, the reader, photos of my childhood, my first and second marriage, me in my naval uniform, me with my son, my son with his mother, my mother at her 90th birthday party, and many more. All of these photos attest to a shared reality. Whether the events were truly happy, whether I was a loving spouse, father, son, brother, or friend is up for debate. There may be many different stories to illustrate or prove what sort of person I or others were in these photographs.
Of course, there are moments of shared reality. It is a fact that there were human beings taken from certain communities in Africa, put on ships, treated as merchandize, frequently “buried” at sea, and if they arrived alive, sold on the auction blocks in various countries. Certainly these were people fighting each other in various wars including the civil war in this country. There is, however, a lot of disparity between the various stories of what led up to these events and what the events themselves signified. No two history books seem to tell the same stories.
Yet, as we begin the new year we will, as individuals, families, members of religious institutions, local and national political leaders, and so-called spiritual leaders, design and implement behavior based on “THE TRUTH.” No amount of scientific knowledge about how our brains interpret and store events will deter us from holding on to our absolute truths.
Obviously the problem is not that we take action. We cannot just be passive bystanders in this dance we call life. This morning I have performed my morning absolutions, shaved, changed my bed, washed a lot of clothes, exercised at the gym, ate breakfast, written emails and text messages, and chatted with various ones at the gym and at Panera’s. I will soon begin preparation for meals for my nephew and his wife who will be visiting sometime today.
I will do my best to not write about, speak about, or argue with others about “truths.” I will do my best to avoid slinging family truths at or with my nephew and his family or with any other family member no matter how insistent the invitation to validate a particular set of truths.
I will be more or less successful in this endeavor in my private life. How successful I am in this endeavor as I participate in the political process in this year of the campaign for the election of a new president in this country may be questionable. I would like to say that I will not get sucked into arguments about political “truths.” Well. …
Perhaps I need to frequently remind myself of the illusionary nature of “the truth” and the subjective nature of all memories upon which I often base ‘the truth.’
Written December 31, 2015
As I sit down to write on the morning of the 31st of the December, the last day of the year in the Georgian calendar, I find myself (love that phase, “finding myself”) continuing to focus on values - on the criteria for deciding on what is or is not important. Most of us are first exposed to values by our families of origin. We tend to internalize what we understood to be the factors guiding the behavior of the family in which we were raised. Of course, our understanding is based on the spoken and unspoken messages as well as our own observations. As an adult, I know, of course, that I see and hear with my mind and not with my eyes and ears. What I thought I saw and heard was filtered through my childhood mind which, of course, contained a limited experience. Occasionally, as an adult, I have been able to check with my siblings or even my mother to compare my childhood understanding with their memory. Of course, their understanding and memories are also shaped by their experiences and the “knowledge” they have stored to in their internal library to help them interpret the auditory and visual cues which are transmitted to their brain by all their sensory organs – eyes, ears, nose, taste buds and, of course, that which arrives via sense of touch. My memory and theirs is this very personal account of events which was experienced and interrupted by our individual brains.
Sadly, if not careful, I will base current opinions and behavior on the truths I formulated from the time I was a young child. If not careful, I will act as if there are absolute truths in terms of previous events and in terms of values or criteria for deciding behavior.
I may also talk or act as if my memory of the event is accurate in terms of how I experienced the event at the time. I know, of course, that even my memory is an ever evolving story. Over the years I have revisited these stories stored as memories and have added to or subtracted from them. This is usually not a conscious or intentional process. It seems as if the stories get more tragic or more wonderful depending on what might be going on with me now or what I need, in some part of my being, them to be.
None of the above factors will necessarily stop arguments about which memory is correct or insure that I let go of resentments or past hurts which are based on these subjective truths.
This entire process sounds so silly when I write it down. How could any of us, but especially this human who firmly believes what I have just written, hold on to resentment, hurts, or grudges based on these subjective truths? This makes no sense at all. I suppose I could state that somehow I have traveled from point A to B over what I choose to call this period of time.
Are there no facts? Of course, there are bits of external reality to which most of us could agree. I can travel to the house or at least the property where I spent many years of my youth and even the house when I spent the period between my 16th and 18th years. I could even show you, the reader, the first college that I attended in Annapolis, Maryland. I could show you, the reader, photos of my childhood, my first and second marriage, me in my naval uniform, me with my son, my son with his mother, my mother at her 90th birthday party, and many more. All of these photos attest to a shared reality. Whether the events were truly happy, whether I was a loving spouse, father, son, brother, or friend is up for debate. There may be many different stories to illustrate or prove what sort of person I or others were in these photographs.
Of course, there are moments of shared reality. It is a fact that there were human beings taken from certain communities in Africa, put on ships, treated as merchandize, frequently “buried” at sea, and if they arrived alive, sold on the auction blocks in various countries. Certainly these were people fighting each other in various wars including the civil war in this country. There is, however, a lot of disparity between the various stories of what led up to these events and what the events themselves signified. No two history books seem to tell the same stories.
Yet, as we begin the new year we will, as individuals, families, members of religious institutions, local and national political leaders, and so-called spiritual leaders, design and implement behavior based on “THE TRUTH.” No amount of scientific knowledge about how our brains interpret and store events will deter us from holding on to our absolute truths.
Obviously the problem is not that we take action. We cannot just be passive bystanders in this dance we call life. This morning I have performed my morning absolutions, shaved, changed my bed, washed a lot of clothes, exercised at the gym, ate breakfast, written emails and text messages, and chatted with various ones at the gym and at Panera’s. I will soon begin preparation for meals for my nephew and his wife who will be visiting sometime today.
I will do my best to not write about, speak about, or argue with others about “truths.” I will do my best to avoid slinging family truths at or with my nephew and his family or with any other family member no matter how insistent the invitation to validate a particular set of truths.
I will be more or less successful in this endeavor in my private life. How successful I am in this endeavor as I participate in the political process in this year of the campaign for the election of a new president in this country may be questionable. I would like to say that I will not get sucked into arguments about political “truths.” Well. …
Perhaps I need to frequently remind myself of the illusionary nature of “the truth” and the subjective nature of all memories upon which I often base ‘the truth.’
Written December 31, 2015
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