Need versus wants
Earlier this week I was with the 8th graders with whom I am leading a weekly discussion about current affairs. We were discussing how we can help refugees and others who do not have the basics for survival – home, food, clothing, means of support. We agreed to begin to think about how we spend our resources of time, energy and money which led to an agreement to begin to think about wants versus needs. As with all dealing with others in my roles as friend, parent, teacher, counselor and community member the challenge is to not suggest that others do something I am unwilling to do. This question of want versus need is particularly timely for me since I am in the process of moving. Two years ago I moved from a large Victorian house and home office which I had remodeled to a two-bedroom villa in Florida. I got rid of a lot of “stuff” including furniture, books, kitchen dishes, some cooking equipment and some clothes. When I got to Florida I supplemented the furniture which was in the condo with a desk, bookcases, a secretary I took with me and a few other small pieces. Once I was moved in I continued to weekly get rid of at least a small box of things I decided I no longer needed. Yet, when I got ready to move I found that I wanted to bring some 114 boxes of stuff in addition to artwork and clothes I “stuffed” into my car. I left most of the furniture and many of the items in the garage including saws and other tools. I am now waiting for the arrival of the moving van which will bring the boxes of stuff in addition to bookcases, a small CD player and speakers and a few lamps. Obviously, I brought much more than I need. Since I thought I would be living in about the same size villa or condo that I had owned in Florida, I brought more than enough “stuff” to fill that amount of space. I did not find a condo and now am renting a very charming one-bedroom apartment. Clearly, I am going to have more stuff than I can cram into this space while still insuring that I create the illusion of being a non-cluttered minimalist. As I am unpacking I am again going to have to face the question of wants versus needs. Wait! There may be a third category. Obviously I do not need all the artwork I have already hung on the walls in addition to the smaller pieces packed in boxes and arriving on the moving van. Is art work a need? Clearly, it has been collected over the years which means that I lived a perfectly good and satisfying life without it for many years. It must be a luxury item. On the other hand, one does need beauty and reminders of friends that one admires and from whom one learns. Since most of the artwork has been created by people I know, each piece is imbued with the history of particular relationship and, thus, nurtures me. Yes, but how many reminders do I need? If something happened - say a fire – and I lost the artwork could I still have a quality life? Of course, I could. I would have to create some other reminders of these relationships.
I could thus go through each box of “stuff” and ask what I would need if I suddenly lost the contents via a fire, flood or some other occurrence over which I had no control. Would I really want or need expensive Wedgewood China, Irish Crystal, silverware and tablecloths at this stage of my life? I did not entertain much while in Florida. Of course, this was partly due to the fact that I knew few people and people I did know tended to eat out a lot.
I challenged the 8th grade students to begin to question whether it was more important to feed a refugee or to make a particular purchase. I now have to ask myself the same question. While getting rid of stuff does not equate with purchasing stuff in terms of liquid assets, I can still challenge myself to think about what I want and what I need to live and enjoy a comfortable life. I have already purchased a few pieces of used furniture and a couple of new pieces – a mattress, a simple bed frame, a fold down couch which will serve as a guest bed, and some scratch and dent tables for the living room.
Of course there are the clothes. Fortunately, I have gotten rid of a lot of them, but compared to how I grew up, I have many more clothes than I need. Growing up we had clothes for school, clothes for Sunday, and work/play clothes – one set for each as I recall. With five children and two adults in a small three room house I am not sure where even those few clothes were stored.
This exercise challenged me to think about a range of values, my life style choices, about my need for comfort and survival, whether or not I am influenced by the wide variety of people in my social circle and many other factors. I also must think about my motives. Am I trying to be virtuous or leave the impression with others that I am virtuous or am I doing something because it feels right for me?
Of course, there is always the possibility that I will forget to have some fun with this exercise; that I will forget to laugh at myself. After all, I could convince myself that this is a very serious matter which would lead to self-righteousness and judgment of others. Yikes! Enough already. Perhaps I could just notice and make gentle decisions while unpacking! Now, there is a thought!
Written September 14, 2016
Earlier this week I was with the 8th graders with whom I am leading a weekly discussion about current affairs. We were discussing how we can help refugees and others who do not have the basics for survival – home, food, clothing, means of support. We agreed to begin to think about how we spend our resources of time, energy and money which led to an agreement to begin to think about wants versus needs. As with all dealing with others in my roles as friend, parent, teacher, counselor and community member the challenge is to not suggest that others do something I am unwilling to do. This question of want versus need is particularly timely for me since I am in the process of moving. Two years ago I moved from a large Victorian house and home office which I had remodeled to a two-bedroom villa in Florida. I got rid of a lot of “stuff” including furniture, books, kitchen dishes, some cooking equipment and some clothes. When I got to Florida I supplemented the furniture which was in the condo with a desk, bookcases, a secretary I took with me and a few other small pieces. Once I was moved in I continued to weekly get rid of at least a small box of things I decided I no longer needed. Yet, when I got ready to move I found that I wanted to bring some 114 boxes of stuff in addition to artwork and clothes I “stuffed” into my car. I left most of the furniture and many of the items in the garage including saws and other tools. I am now waiting for the arrival of the moving van which will bring the boxes of stuff in addition to bookcases, a small CD player and speakers and a few lamps. Obviously, I brought much more than I need. Since I thought I would be living in about the same size villa or condo that I had owned in Florida, I brought more than enough “stuff” to fill that amount of space. I did not find a condo and now am renting a very charming one-bedroom apartment. Clearly, I am going to have more stuff than I can cram into this space while still insuring that I create the illusion of being a non-cluttered minimalist. As I am unpacking I am again going to have to face the question of wants versus needs. Wait! There may be a third category. Obviously I do not need all the artwork I have already hung on the walls in addition to the smaller pieces packed in boxes and arriving on the moving van. Is art work a need? Clearly, it has been collected over the years which means that I lived a perfectly good and satisfying life without it for many years. It must be a luxury item. On the other hand, one does need beauty and reminders of friends that one admires and from whom one learns. Since most of the artwork has been created by people I know, each piece is imbued with the history of particular relationship and, thus, nurtures me. Yes, but how many reminders do I need? If something happened - say a fire – and I lost the artwork could I still have a quality life? Of course, I could. I would have to create some other reminders of these relationships.
I could thus go through each box of “stuff” and ask what I would need if I suddenly lost the contents via a fire, flood or some other occurrence over which I had no control. Would I really want or need expensive Wedgewood China, Irish Crystal, silverware and tablecloths at this stage of my life? I did not entertain much while in Florida. Of course, this was partly due to the fact that I knew few people and people I did know tended to eat out a lot.
I challenged the 8th grade students to begin to question whether it was more important to feed a refugee or to make a particular purchase. I now have to ask myself the same question. While getting rid of stuff does not equate with purchasing stuff in terms of liquid assets, I can still challenge myself to think about what I want and what I need to live and enjoy a comfortable life. I have already purchased a few pieces of used furniture and a couple of new pieces – a mattress, a simple bed frame, a fold down couch which will serve as a guest bed, and some scratch and dent tables for the living room.
Of course there are the clothes. Fortunately, I have gotten rid of a lot of them, but compared to how I grew up, I have many more clothes than I need. Growing up we had clothes for school, clothes for Sunday, and work/play clothes – one set for each as I recall. With five children and two adults in a small three room house I am not sure where even those few clothes were stored.
This exercise challenged me to think about a range of values, my life style choices, about my need for comfort and survival, whether or not I am influenced by the wide variety of people in my social circle and many other factors. I also must think about my motives. Am I trying to be virtuous or leave the impression with others that I am virtuous or am I doing something because it feels right for me?
Of course, there is always the possibility that I will forget to have some fun with this exercise; that I will forget to laugh at myself. After all, I could convince myself that this is a very serious matter which would lead to self-righteousness and judgment of others. Yikes! Enough already. Perhaps I could just notice and make gentle decisions while unpacking! Now, there is a thought!
Written September 14, 2016
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