Nikki Giovanni - Snowflakes into Flowrs
For some reason Ms. Giovanni decided to make a visit today. I had not thought of her and her wise, delightful poems for some time. Perhaps the thought of gratitude triggered the memory of her. My memory tells me that I once heard her say “If there is anything worse than having an unequal share of the world resources, it is having them and not even appreciating or enjoying them.” I have no idea if my memory is accurate, but I think that this is close to what she said. I do recall that every time I was lucky enough to attend a poetry reading or a talk by her I came away feeling richer. I have lost track of her and have not seen a new book by her in some time. I have no idea if she is still teaching or writing although I found no mention on the internet that she was retired or that she had met with an untimely death.
One of poems which I recall is “Winter Poem”
Once a snowflake fell
on my brow and I loved
it so much and I kissed
it and it was happy and called its cousins
and brothers and a web
of snow engulfed me then
I reached to love them all
And I squeezed them and they became
A spring rain and I stood perfectly
Still and was a flower
I have no idea if she intended for me to hear this poem as a metaphor for the richness we could all enjoy if we would just be still and welcome each other. This is how I heard it. Just now, as I was reading it, I was reminded of how simple it would be if we would just allow ourselves to tap into our own essential goodness and from that rich core welcome others to our safe circle of being. Obviously, we humans often seem unable to take the risk of doing this.
Early this morning I was touched to find a voice mail from a dear friend who had recently misunderstood something I said. He called to apologize. This very good man is grieving the loss of his wife. He knows, of course, that her intention was not to leave him but leave him she did. She was merely taking care of herself the best way she could envision at the time she ended her life. It must feel to him as if she has broken the bond of trust which made their relationship so rich. When someone with whom we have such a close relationship seems to break the bond of trust, I think it is easy to become fearful of trusting anyone. From this place of fear we humans can “see” reasons to push others away. Thus, when I said something, it was easy for him to hear something which I did not intend. When he heard that he became very protective and told me to stay away from him. I felt really bad about not being clearer in my communication with him. In fact I had to retrieve the email note I had sent to him to try to identify what I had said that could be so easily misinterpreted.
I then wrote him a note and let him know how sorry I was and why I had said what I said. I was perfectly willing to accept responsibility for not being as clear as I needed to be. I was also very clear that my only recourse, other than writing a note which I knew he would or would not read, was to keep loving this man. That was easy because I know that this very fine man was the very same man I had loved for some time just as his wife even in death was the very same, wonderful woman I know.
There is that very human part of me which can, at some level, take the action of another personally. I might then, if not thinking, react by pushing them away with unkind words.
Fortunately, with practice, I am getting better at not saying or doing anything immediately when something someone says or does triggers an old fear of mine. I may still experience the fear and “feel” like protecting myself my reacting and blaming them. I know, however, that I cannot cause another person to behave in a certain way. I certainly can, unintentionally, be inconsiderate and say or do something which is sure to trigger some tender spot in them.
I can also be unaware of how challenging I can be. Just today it was pointed out to me that I was being very challenging in a confrontive manner. I was unaware of coming across that way. I was not thinking I wanted to challenge this man, but, in truth, that was exactly what I was doing. It was not my place to do this although I would love for this man to have a richer life. Of course, he needs to decide that is what he wants. My behavior was about my need for him to have what I consider a richer life and not about him at all. Yikes! As much as I hate to admit it this truth is more accurate than the one I was telling myself.
At this point in my life, I certainly understand the metaphor of being that snowflake which calls all its cousins and embraces someone until that flower emerges. Yet, often, I still fall into the trap of attempting to force the process rather than just patiently allowing it.
Today was Gay Pride day in Pittsburgh. It is also the Pittsburgh Art Festival. Downtown Pittsburgh was packed with people of every orientation, cultural background, gender and age. Everyone I saw seems to be just welcoming each other in a warm embrace. Some of those participating in Gay pride or just participating in the spirit of the day were in very colorful costumes and, indeed, were, glorious flowers. Good for you Pittsburgh, Today, from what I observed you created the space for the blossoming of many flowers.
‘
I
For some reason Ms. Giovanni decided to make a visit today. I had not thought of her and her wise, delightful poems for some time. Perhaps the thought of gratitude triggered the memory of her. My memory tells me that I once heard her say “If there is anything worse than having an unequal share of the world resources, it is having them and not even appreciating or enjoying them.” I have no idea if my memory is accurate, but I think that this is close to what she said. I do recall that every time I was lucky enough to attend a poetry reading or a talk by her I came away feeling richer. I have lost track of her and have not seen a new book by her in some time. I have no idea if she is still teaching or writing although I found no mention on the internet that she was retired or that she had met with an untimely death.
One of poems which I recall is “Winter Poem”
Once a snowflake fell
on my brow and I loved
it so much and I kissed
it and it was happy and called its cousins
and brothers and a web
of snow engulfed me then
I reached to love them all
And I squeezed them and they became
A spring rain and I stood perfectly
Still and was a flower
I have no idea if she intended for me to hear this poem as a metaphor for the richness we could all enjoy if we would just be still and welcome each other. This is how I heard it. Just now, as I was reading it, I was reminded of how simple it would be if we would just allow ourselves to tap into our own essential goodness and from that rich core welcome others to our safe circle of being. Obviously, we humans often seem unable to take the risk of doing this.
Early this morning I was touched to find a voice mail from a dear friend who had recently misunderstood something I said. He called to apologize. This very good man is grieving the loss of his wife. He knows, of course, that her intention was not to leave him but leave him she did. She was merely taking care of herself the best way she could envision at the time she ended her life. It must feel to him as if she has broken the bond of trust which made their relationship so rich. When someone with whom we have such a close relationship seems to break the bond of trust, I think it is easy to become fearful of trusting anyone. From this place of fear we humans can “see” reasons to push others away. Thus, when I said something, it was easy for him to hear something which I did not intend. When he heard that he became very protective and told me to stay away from him. I felt really bad about not being clearer in my communication with him. In fact I had to retrieve the email note I had sent to him to try to identify what I had said that could be so easily misinterpreted.
I then wrote him a note and let him know how sorry I was and why I had said what I said. I was perfectly willing to accept responsibility for not being as clear as I needed to be. I was also very clear that my only recourse, other than writing a note which I knew he would or would not read, was to keep loving this man. That was easy because I know that this very fine man was the very same man I had loved for some time just as his wife even in death was the very same, wonderful woman I know.
There is that very human part of me which can, at some level, take the action of another personally. I might then, if not thinking, react by pushing them away with unkind words.
Fortunately, with practice, I am getting better at not saying or doing anything immediately when something someone says or does triggers an old fear of mine. I may still experience the fear and “feel” like protecting myself my reacting and blaming them. I know, however, that I cannot cause another person to behave in a certain way. I certainly can, unintentionally, be inconsiderate and say or do something which is sure to trigger some tender spot in them.
I can also be unaware of how challenging I can be. Just today it was pointed out to me that I was being very challenging in a confrontive manner. I was unaware of coming across that way. I was not thinking I wanted to challenge this man, but, in truth, that was exactly what I was doing. It was not my place to do this although I would love for this man to have a richer life. Of course, he needs to decide that is what he wants. My behavior was about my need for him to have what I consider a richer life and not about him at all. Yikes! As much as I hate to admit it this truth is more accurate than the one I was telling myself.
At this point in my life, I certainly understand the metaphor of being that snowflake which calls all its cousins and embraces someone until that flower emerges. Yet, often, I still fall into the trap of attempting to force the process rather than just patiently allowing it.
Today was Gay Pride day in Pittsburgh. It is also the Pittsburgh Art Festival. Downtown Pittsburgh was packed with people of every orientation, cultural background, gender and age. Everyone I saw seems to be just welcoming each other in a warm embrace. Some of those participating in Gay pride or just participating in the spirit of the day were in very colorful costumes and, indeed, were, glorious flowers. Good for you Pittsburgh, Today, from what I observed you created the space for the blossoming of many flowers.
‘
I
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