No pain, no gain
Many of us grew up being taught that intellectual, spiritual, and emotional, and physical growth is often uncomfortable and sometime downright painful. Adults I admired such as Grandma Fannie, my Aunt Pleasant and Uncle Harold and some of my favorite teachers frequently reminded me, “No pain, no gain.”
Often when working for/with those healing from active addiction, various trauma, including loss, I am reminded of this important lesson.
I find it ironic that in the Oklahoma and other state legislatures bills are being proposed and which have a good chance of being passed seem designed to ensure that students in public schools, colleges and universities will not have to be taught anything uncomfortable dealing with the history of racism, sexism, gender identity or similar issues. In fact, the proposed bills would forbid the teaching of critical race theory or mandatory gender or sexual diversity training or counseling. On the surface some the requirements in the proposed bill in Oklahoma make sense stating that “no teacher, administrator or other employee of a school district, chartered school or virtual charter school shall require or make part of a course the following concepts:
· one race or sex is inherently superior to another race or sex,
· an individual, by virtue of his or her race or sex, is inherently racist, sexist or oppressive, whether consciously or unconsciously
· an individual shall not be discriminated against or receive adverse treatment solely or partly because of his or her race or sex
· Member of one race or sex cannot and should not attempt to treat others without respect to race or sex.,
What could possibly be wrong with these and other similar proposals? The goal of a teacher or any other employee of a school system is never to deliberately make people feel uncomfortable and certainly not at the expense of another. What is wrong is that in my experience a key behavior which led to systemic racism, sexism and other forms of oppression was the fact that we have all too often in the schools in these United States, left out painful, uncomfortable truths about the history of race relationships, treaties, and overall treatment based on race, gender and sexual orientation. These subjects were and are often considered uncomfortable. Indeed we have often taught that the Caucasian race is superior; that males are more deserving of certain rights and privileges; that one must live with the gender assigned at birth; romantically one must love only those of the same gender; honoring treaties is not important; and the United States is inherently superior to other nations.
In school I did not learn that I have a responsibility as a privileged white male to let go of some of the fruits of my privilege; to change a system which benefits me; to be in an equal partner in marriage relationships; to pay my share of respirations. I did not learn that because of systemic racism, sexism or other forms of oppression I have internalized racist attitudes. I did not learn certain childhood rhymes systematically taught me to think in oppressive ways. I did not learn that if I wanted a more just and peaceful world for myself, future children and grandchildren I had to learn to identify and change many of my thinking and behavioral habits.
Grandma Fannie, my parents, Aunt Please and Uncle Harold, some teachers and other mentors taught me that I am strong enough to face life on life’s terms; I do not get to avoid tough issues because they are painful or uncomfortable. Whether it was farm chores, emotional or spiritual issues if I complained that I was uncomfortable or tired I was reminded that I was strong and expected to cope with the discomfort. Although there was no shortage of help and support no one condescendingly patted me on the head and said, “Poor Jim, this is too tough or uncomfortable for you.” Hugs were available but no pats on the head.
This is the same approach in my work with/for those who employ me to walk with them on their healing journey. In my office hugs are always available, but there are no pats on the head.
Ironically, many of those supporting bills limiting issues which can be addressed in school settings, are the least supportive of those dealing with addiction and are the first to promote treating addicts as criminals. Yet addicts need to know that they are loved and they are strong enough to face their addiction and get help; that they are not too weak or fragile to face life on life’s terms. I just finished Hunter Biden’s biography Beautiful Things. His deceased brother, dad, step mother, current wife, and numerous other family members never withheld love and never told him he was weak or fragile. They respected the power of addictive illness and his pain while also honoring his strength. Addicts do not feel strong, connected to a larger community or to a power greater than oneself but, in fact, we are all stronger and more connected than we feel. We can deal with our part in systemic racism and other forms of oppression. We can live with the discomfort and focus, not on guilt and shame, but on accountability, amends and change. Bills such as ones forbidding what is being terms critical race theory are a thinly disguised attempt to pat sensitive, mostly white males, on the head and say, “There, there, this is too uncomfortable for your fragile self.” This bills are not accurate, kind, helpful or well intentioned. If passed, teachers and all of us responsible for education must courageously and consistently practice civil disobedience and teach a history that will result in meaningful change.
Witten May 3, 2021
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
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