Not able – not ready – not willing
As a licensed professional counselor and a certified addiction counselor, I often work for and with those who are not able to make the transition from active addiction to recovery from active addiction. On the other hand, a great number are able to make that transition. Some remain in recovery for the rest of their lives.
I never fail to get excited for and with those who are able to make the transition to recovery and to continue to do what they need to do to stay healthy. I also never fail to cry when someone is unable to make that transition.
Today I have had the honor of working for/with some individuals who seem to be working a solid recovery program and who are committed to doing so in the future. In the past two days, I have also met with several individuals who have been unable to make that transition.
I very intentionally use the phrase “unable”. I know that even among my colleagues there are those who might say about that person:
What does the person who relapsed say? They say:
Those who relapse are doctors, attorneys, business people, teachers, housewives, students, homeless people, mill workers, coal miners, musicians, artists, politicians and others. They come from all walks of life, have various levels of training or post high school education, have families they love and often are contributing a lot to the community despite their addiction.
For whatever reason, they are unable to consistently work a recovery program. As stated above they may have given up hope or a belief that it is possible to have a better life. I have no idea why some are unable to grasp and hold on to a recovery program.
I never say that that they were unwilling or that they were able to make a different choice. I just know that sometimes the addiction clamps on, is securely locked into place and will not let go for any length of time.
We need to weep for those even as we celebrate with those who are able to grasp and hold on to recovery. We need to not judge or act as if we know why they could not make a different decision. Perhaps in the future, if they live, they can.
Certainly, in given the chance, we can help the struggling addict explore the language they may be using which leaves an open window for the addiction to sneak in. Sometimes, if the person is able to give themselves another chance and money is available we may be able to find another treatment option and/or get them to a 12-step meeting. Sometimes –actually often – we have to just embrace the person and assure them we will be here if we can be supportive or helpful in any way.
My experience is that there are no easy or glib answers. The claws of addiction often just hang on and on.
Written April 10, 2018
As a licensed professional counselor and a certified addiction counselor, I often work for and with those who are not able to make the transition from active addiction to recovery from active addiction. On the other hand, a great number are able to make that transition. Some remain in recovery for the rest of their lives.
I never fail to get excited for and with those who are able to make the transition to recovery and to continue to do what they need to do to stay healthy. I also never fail to cry when someone is unable to make that transition.
Today I have had the honor of working for/with some individuals who seem to be working a solid recovery program and who are committed to doing so in the future. In the past two days, I have also met with several individuals who have been unable to make that transition.
I very intentionally use the phrase “unable”. I know that even among my colleagues there are those who might say about that person:
- They just were not ready.
- They did not want it badly enough.
- They chose to use.
- They obviously planned out their relapse and thus could have done something else.
What does the person who relapsed say? They say:
- The obsession was just too strong.
- I found myself making plans to relapse even though I want a different life.
- I feel like I don’t care.
- I feel like it does not matter.
- I want to stop feeling. I want to feel numb.
- I want to feel good. I am tired of feeling all the negative stuff which comes in recovery.
- Other people who work all the time and are still broke do not seem happy.
- I was going to relapse eventually. I always do.
- I have no idea why I used again. I know it does not work.
Those who relapse are doctors, attorneys, business people, teachers, housewives, students, homeless people, mill workers, coal miners, musicians, artists, politicians and others. They come from all walks of life, have various levels of training or post high school education, have families they love and often are contributing a lot to the community despite their addiction.
For whatever reason, they are unable to consistently work a recovery program. As stated above they may have given up hope or a belief that it is possible to have a better life. I have no idea why some are unable to grasp and hold on to a recovery program.
I never say that that they were unwilling or that they were able to make a different choice. I just know that sometimes the addiction clamps on, is securely locked into place and will not let go for any length of time.
We need to weep for those even as we celebrate with those who are able to grasp and hold on to recovery. We need to not judge or act as if we know why they could not make a different decision. Perhaps in the future, if they live, they can.
Certainly, in given the chance, we can help the struggling addict explore the language they may be using which leaves an open window for the addiction to sneak in. Sometimes, if the person is able to give themselves another chance and money is available we may be able to find another treatment option and/or get them to a 12-step meeting. Sometimes –actually often – we have to just embrace the person and assure them we will be here if we can be supportive or helpful in any way.
My experience is that there are no easy or glib answers. The claws of addiction often just hang on and on.
Written April 10, 2018
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