Once a child
Daily it seems as if I read in the newspaper or online news about someone who had committed a murder, has abused a child or who has, in some other manner, treated a child or an adult as an object. So far this week I have read of a minister being accused of inappropriately touching a child at a bus stop (no information indicating that the touching was sexual in nature but it was experienced as uncomfortable by the child), several people charged with viewing child sexual pornography (no indication whether children were pre or post pubescent), a young man who murdered an entire family of children and adults, a call for the death penalty of a murderer, the authorized killing of person by a member of the armed forces, and the long term incarceration but not conviction of individuals accused of being terrorists. Additionally, there is a lot of public arguments about the stage at which abortion of a fetus is murder, the ethics of euthanasia and the killing of those who are legally determined to be objects (less than sacred).
When I read or hear about a person sexually abusing a child, committing any other violent act against another person, destroying property or committing some other act the larger community has decided is illegal and/or immoral I imagine that person as an infant who I can pick up and hold in my arms. I then wonder what events or factors have led to that person being unwilling or unable to control their desire to violate the sacredness of another. In the case of those who are attracted to prepubescent children I wonder what causes their brains to command the body to be sexually attracted to children or to want to forcibly dominate another person with or without direct sexual intent. In the case of those who are attached to pubescent children - ephebophiles - I wonder less, given the focus of our culture on youth and all that is associated with what the culture defines as attractive..
If we are truly interested in treating all people as scared perhaps we need to:
o Rethink how we label individuals and, thus, how we treat them.
o Explore the cultural messages which may contribute to certain attractions or compulsions. If, for example, child pornography is such a profitable business explore possible systemic reasons for same.
o Determine who is likely to hurt others.
o Determine whether the motive of justice is to punish, heal or prevent further harm.
o Determine which behavior is dangerous and which merely offends.
o Identify which cultural rules or practices leave children vulnerable to sexual abuse?
o Determine what combination of loneliness, fear of emotional connection, the need to control, and sexual frustration lead to sexual abuse and pornography (child and adult)?
o Determine how we can make it safe for children to say no and ask for help and still love the parent or other adult who is abusing them? (A significant percentage of abuse is by a relative, a neighbor or someone else known to the child.)
o Determine how we culturally resolve our need to embrace sexual feelings while keeping all safe from abuse?
o Explore how we simultaneously justify using sex as a primary sales tool and embrace sexual connection as an expression of intimacy?
o Explore what makes the concept of Jesus as both divine and human so frightening? Can we, for example, embrace the human sexuality of Jesus just as the Greeks embraced the sexuality of their Gods and trust his divine example of unconditional love?
Violence including gun violence, sexual violence, bullying and other forms of violence is, at the very least, still epidemic in the United States although the overall rate of violence is decreasing. It may be epidemic in other countries as well, but the United States may lead the world in its need to simultaneously defend violence and present itself as the most peaceful nation. Until we get honest with ourselves and commit to aligning the reality with what we admit to ourselves and the world, this contradiction will continue. Holding on to this contraction comes with a heavy price tag.
Behavior never happens in a void. Until we learn to face the tough questions and think in systemic terms we are destined to repeat and not learn from history. For example, how does that infant who is so easy to love become a disposable object?
Written September 28, 2021
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
Daily it seems as if I read in the newspaper or online news about someone who had committed a murder, has abused a child or who has, in some other manner, treated a child or an adult as an object. So far this week I have read of a minister being accused of inappropriately touching a child at a bus stop (no information indicating that the touching was sexual in nature but it was experienced as uncomfortable by the child), several people charged with viewing child sexual pornography (no indication whether children were pre or post pubescent), a young man who murdered an entire family of children and adults, a call for the death penalty of a murderer, the authorized killing of person by a member of the armed forces, and the long term incarceration but not conviction of individuals accused of being terrorists. Additionally, there is a lot of public arguments about the stage at which abortion of a fetus is murder, the ethics of euthanasia and the killing of those who are legally determined to be objects (less than sacred).
When I read or hear about a person sexually abusing a child, committing any other violent act against another person, destroying property or committing some other act the larger community has decided is illegal and/or immoral I imagine that person as an infant who I can pick up and hold in my arms. I then wonder what events or factors have led to that person being unwilling or unable to control their desire to violate the sacredness of another. In the case of those who are attracted to prepubescent children I wonder what causes their brains to command the body to be sexually attracted to children or to want to forcibly dominate another person with or without direct sexual intent. In the case of those who are attached to pubescent children - ephebophiles - I wonder less, given the focus of our culture on youth and all that is associated with what the culture defines as attractive..
If we are truly interested in treating all people as scared perhaps we need to:
o Rethink how we label individuals and, thus, how we treat them.
o Explore the cultural messages which may contribute to certain attractions or compulsions. If, for example, child pornography is such a profitable business explore possible systemic reasons for same.
o Determine who is likely to hurt others.
o Determine whether the motive of justice is to punish, heal or prevent further harm.
o Determine which behavior is dangerous and which merely offends.
o Identify which cultural rules or practices leave children vulnerable to sexual abuse?
o Determine what combination of loneliness, fear of emotional connection, the need to control, and sexual frustration lead to sexual abuse and pornography (child and adult)?
o Determine how we can make it safe for children to say no and ask for help and still love the parent or other adult who is abusing them? (A significant percentage of abuse is by a relative, a neighbor or someone else known to the child.)
o Determine how we culturally resolve our need to embrace sexual feelings while keeping all safe from abuse?
o Explore how we simultaneously justify using sex as a primary sales tool and embrace sexual connection as an expression of intimacy?
o Explore what makes the concept of Jesus as both divine and human so frightening? Can we, for example, embrace the human sexuality of Jesus just as the Greeks embraced the sexuality of their Gods and trust his divine example of unconditional love?
Violence including gun violence, sexual violence, bullying and other forms of violence is, at the very least, still epidemic in the United States although the overall rate of violence is decreasing. It may be epidemic in other countries as well, but the United States may lead the world in its need to simultaneously defend violence and present itself as the most peaceful nation. Until we get honest with ourselves and commit to aligning the reality with what we admit to ourselves and the world, this contradiction will continue. Holding on to this contraction comes with a heavy price tag.
Behavior never happens in a void. Until we learn to face the tough questions and think in systemic terms we are destined to repeat and not learn from history. For example, how does that infant who is so easy to love become a disposable object?
Written September 28, 2021
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
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