Out of step
I have nearly eight decades attempting to stumble on the cadence which will finally allow me to be in step. When a Midshipman at the U. S. Naval Academy my shoe size was such that the special-order dress shoes for marching were the only ones with leather soles ensuring that my out of stepness was embarrassingly obvious. I also knew that the slap of the leather was a metaphor for the dance of life which I was unable to adjust to match those around me. Eventually, I would come to accept that indeed I was queer, way too emotional, a pacifist, apparently naively believing that the call of that Jesus fellow to love your enemies, refuse to take back the stolen cloak, do goods to those who hate you, pray for those who mistreat you, turn the other cheek; that the call was to be taken seriously even though as humans one constantly falls short.
I am aware to be in step:
Being aware does not equal compliance although for many years I resolved to get in step. That resolve never seem to last more than five minutes.
Even though out of step there are moments of coming home or being home. Just this week the character in the play The Gun Show welcomed my out of step, contradictory, confused self; Teju Cole while chatting with Krista Tippett invited me home; moments of reading Stephen Mitchell’s translation of Tao te Ching, absorbing the passion and honesty of The Rev. Bruce Jenneker speaking at Trinity Wall Street on the words of that Jesus fellow as reported by Luke; time with my friends this week – Joel, Bill, Pat and others – all welcomed me home.
Perhaps I am destined to be in step to the out of step cadence of all the others who seem constitutionally incapable of being in step.
Today I will join others in celebrating the life of Ann Thomas – another eloquent, beautiful, passionate person who was at home being out of step.
Written March 2, 2019
Jimmy F Pickett
Coachpickett.org
I have nearly eight decades attempting to stumble on the cadence which will finally allow me to be in step. When a Midshipman at the U. S. Naval Academy my shoe size was such that the special-order dress shoes for marching were the only ones with leather soles ensuring that my out of stepness was embarrassingly obvious. I also knew that the slap of the leather was a metaphor for the dance of life which I was unable to adjust to match those around me. Eventually, I would come to accept that indeed I was queer, way too emotional, a pacifist, apparently naively believing that the call of that Jesus fellow to love your enemies, refuse to take back the stolen cloak, do goods to those who hate you, pray for those who mistreat you, turn the other cheek; that the call was to be taken seriously even though as humans one constantly falls short.
I am aware to be in step:
- One must not cry in public - for joy, or sadness
- One must be circumspect or reserved in one’s enthusiasm for people, flowers, music, words..
- One must not rage in pubic nor be too happy or friendly or excited or ….
- One must not voice one’s confusion.
- One must not ask uncomfortable questions.
- One must not rage about racism, sexism, homophobia or other ways of discounting the sacredness of all life.
- One must hide one’s passion except when given permission to share it in an adult way
Being aware does not equal compliance although for many years I resolved to get in step. That resolve never seem to last more than five minutes.
Even though out of step there are moments of coming home or being home. Just this week the character in the play The Gun Show welcomed my out of step, contradictory, confused self; Teju Cole while chatting with Krista Tippett invited me home; moments of reading Stephen Mitchell’s translation of Tao te Ching, absorbing the passion and honesty of The Rev. Bruce Jenneker speaking at Trinity Wall Street on the words of that Jesus fellow as reported by Luke; time with my friends this week – Joel, Bill, Pat and others – all welcomed me home.
Perhaps I am destined to be in step to the out of step cadence of all the others who seem constitutionally incapable of being in step.
Today I will join others in celebrating the life of Ann Thomas – another eloquent, beautiful, passionate person who was at home being out of step.
Written March 2, 2019
Jimmy F Pickett
Coachpickett.org
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