Pants on Fire
In this day of instant, 24 hours news and political campaigns it has become common to expect news programs to have what has come to be termed politick which attempt to determine if something said by a public figure, particularly an elected official or someone who is campaigning for political office, is accurate, partly accurate, or completely false. In fact, one can google a web site, politifact.com. If a statement is determined to be completely false it is determined to be “pants on fire.” There is a poem, often attributed to William Blake entitled “The Liar” which apparently is a parody of the poem “The Tiger” by William Blake. The last stanza of the poem “The Tiger” is:
Tiger, tiger, burning bright
In the forests of the night,
What immortal hand or eye
Dare frame thy fearful symmetry?
The first stanza of the parody is:
Deceiver, dissembler
Your trousers are alight
From what pole or gallows
Shall they dangle in the night?
Some version of pants on fire has been used as an attempt to shame and, thus, to admonish we humans until we feel enough guilt to behave differently in the future.
The authors of the web site, “Ancienthistory.com” state that the difference between guilt and shame is:
“When you publicly admit your sins (and are then absolved) or are put into the stocks, you are shamed. When you instead internalize the shame, it becomes guilt.
In the epic poems attributed to Homer, the Iliad and Odyssey, some of the behavior that seems strange in modern society is actually based on the idea of a shame-based culture. The Greek’s transition from a shame culture to a guilt culture is characterized throughout these works.”
One can, of course, feel so bad or guilty about one’s own behavior that one shames oneself. Although one may not ask one’s friends for assistance in putting oneself in the public stocks or may not ask them to stand together in the public square pointing and shaking their finger at one, most of us can do a perfectly acceptable job of covering ourselves in the equivalent of sackcloth and ashes for an indeterminate amount of time. Sometimes we can and do perform the ultimate shame based act and commit suicide thus showing the world that we are indeed mortified by our behavior and consider it unforgivable. Thus has been the case with such people as Tyler Clementi, the Rutgers University student, who committed suicide in 2010 following the release of a secretly made video showing him doing something he did not want to be made public.
Some of the readers may remember the name of Monica Lewinsky who in 1998 was revealed to be the young White House intern who had a sexual relationship with the then married president of the United States. Not only was it publicly revealed that he and she had a sexual relationship but specific details of the acts were made public. She was publicly ridiculed for many months. Her mother kept a close watch on her to insure that she did not commit suicide. The nation was diverted from important matters of state while many people shamed and even attempted to evict the President from office. Even Mrs. Clinton was shamed for her decision to stay with the President.
Monica Lewinsky now, at age 40, is actively involved in speaking out about the devastating effects of shaming and bullying behavior including cyber bullying. In fact, one can listen to a Ted Talk she delivered in March of 2015. The very articulate woman is using her experience to address this important social issue.
As Ms. Lewinsky so accurately points out, we have all engaged in behavior, often especially when young, that we know was not consistent with the footprint we want to leave on this journey.
Later this morning I was continuing a conversation with some lovely people I know whose son continues to engage in behavior which is consistent with his illness of alcoholism. This very fine young man is so caught in the grips of the addictive illness that it does not allow him to consistently behave according to the moral code which would otherwise guide him and which does guide the non-addictive members of the family. Last night he tried to pry open the door of someone who rents from his parents. Later his mom said, “We, his parents, who believe in God first, …we’ve either done something terribly wrong. Or are we being prepped for something even bigger to test us? We have always done the right thing.” True, these very good people attempt to be very intentional in being the best that they can be. Of course they know that they fall short just as all of we humans do and yet, they do better than many of us. I again reassured them I did not think the behavior of their addicted son has anything to do with them. I also do not think that the son deserves to be shamed. The sad truth is that addiction affects how one’s mind works. In this state of mental dysfunction, one is expected to make a sane decision to begin or return to a recovery program. Sometimes it happens. The addict reaches his or her bottom, so to speak, and in desperation, with very little faith that help is possible, they seek out help. In our attempt to protect the “rights” of those of us who have a sick brain, we have decided that it is not right to force someone into treatment. To be sure, treatment is often not effective the first or second or eighth time, but it can be and sometimes is. We know that the diabetic or the person with any other compulsive or addictive illness may need much patient understanding, but this is not often true with the person who lives with an addiction to alcohol, other drugs, or sex.
Was there ever a time when public shame healed? I am not aware of any longitudinal studies which compare a loving approach and a shaming approach. My own experience and that of many of those I know who have successfully stayed in recovery or, as has Ms. Lewinsky, learned to leave a footprint of which she is proud is that love and not shame heals. To be sure, all too often, nothing works to heal the unhealthy or perhaps permanently damaged brain. I do not believe that shame works. I do know that having a sense that one wants a different footprint and the hope or believe that it is possible does often work.
I have also not seen any recent evidence that “pants of fire” significantly changes the footprint of those on the political campaign trail.
Written February 18, 2016
In this day of instant, 24 hours news and political campaigns it has become common to expect news programs to have what has come to be termed politick which attempt to determine if something said by a public figure, particularly an elected official or someone who is campaigning for political office, is accurate, partly accurate, or completely false. In fact, one can google a web site, politifact.com. If a statement is determined to be completely false it is determined to be “pants on fire.” There is a poem, often attributed to William Blake entitled “The Liar” which apparently is a parody of the poem “The Tiger” by William Blake. The last stanza of the poem “The Tiger” is:
Tiger, tiger, burning bright
In the forests of the night,
What immortal hand or eye
Dare frame thy fearful symmetry?
The first stanza of the parody is:
Deceiver, dissembler
Your trousers are alight
From what pole or gallows
Shall they dangle in the night?
Some version of pants on fire has been used as an attempt to shame and, thus, to admonish we humans until we feel enough guilt to behave differently in the future.
The authors of the web site, “Ancienthistory.com” state that the difference between guilt and shame is:
“When you publicly admit your sins (and are then absolved) or are put into the stocks, you are shamed. When you instead internalize the shame, it becomes guilt.
In the epic poems attributed to Homer, the Iliad and Odyssey, some of the behavior that seems strange in modern society is actually based on the idea of a shame-based culture. The Greek’s transition from a shame culture to a guilt culture is characterized throughout these works.”
One can, of course, feel so bad or guilty about one’s own behavior that one shames oneself. Although one may not ask one’s friends for assistance in putting oneself in the public stocks or may not ask them to stand together in the public square pointing and shaking their finger at one, most of us can do a perfectly acceptable job of covering ourselves in the equivalent of sackcloth and ashes for an indeterminate amount of time. Sometimes we can and do perform the ultimate shame based act and commit suicide thus showing the world that we are indeed mortified by our behavior and consider it unforgivable. Thus has been the case with such people as Tyler Clementi, the Rutgers University student, who committed suicide in 2010 following the release of a secretly made video showing him doing something he did not want to be made public.
Some of the readers may remember the name of Monica Lewinsky who in 1998 was revealed to be the young White House intern who had a sexual relationship with the then married president of the United States. Not only was it publicly revealed that he and she had a sexual relationship but specific details of the acts were made public. She was publicly ridiculed for many months. Her mother kept a close watch on her to insure that she did not commit suicide. The nation was diverted from important matters of state while many people shamed and even attempted to evict the President from office. Even Mrs. Clinton was shamed for her decision to stay with the President.
Monica Lewinsky now, at age 40, is actively involved in speaking out about the devastating effects of shaming and bullying behavior including cyber bullying. In fact, one can listen to a Ted Talk she delivered in March of 2015. The very articulate woman is using her experience to address this important social issue.
As Ms. Lewinsky so accurately points out, we have all engaged in behavior, often especially when young, that we know was not consistent with the footprint we want to leave on this journey.
Later this morning I was continuing a conversation with some lovely people I know whose son continues to engage in behavior which is consistent with his illness of alcoholism. This very fine young man is so caught in the grips of the addictive illness that it does not allow him to consistently behave according to the moral code which would otherwise guide him and which does guide the non-addictive members of the family. Last night he tried to pry open the door of someone who rents from his parents. Later his mom said, “We, his parents, who believe in God first, …we’ve either done something terribly wrong. Or are we being prepped for something even bigger to test us? We have always done the right thing.” True, these very good people attempt to be very intentional in being the best that they can be. Of course they know that they fall short just as all of we humans do and yet, they do better than many of us. I again reassured them I did not think the behavior of their addicted son has anything to do with them. I also do not think that the son deserves to be shamed. The sad truth is that addiction affects how one’s mind works. In this state of mental dysfunction, one is expected to make a sane decision to begin or return to a recovery program. Sometimes it happens. The addict reaches his or her bottom, so to speak, and in desperation, with very little faith that help is possible, they seek out help. In our attempt to protect the “rights” of those of us who have a sick brain, we have decided that it is not right to force someone into treatment. To be sure, treatment is often not effective the first or second or eighth time, but it can be and sometimes is. We know that the diabetic or the person with any other compulsive or addictive illness may need much patient understanding, but this is not often true with the person who lives with an addiction to alcohol, other drugs, or sex.
Was there ever a time when public shame healed? I am not aware of any longitudinal studies which compare a loving approach and a shaming approach. My own experience and that of many of those I know who have successfully stayed in recovery or, as has Ms. Lewinsky, learned to leave a footprint of which she is proud is that love and not shame heals. To be sure, all too often, nothing works to heal the unhealthy or perhaps permanently damaged brain. I do not believe that shame works. I do know that having a sense that one wants a different footprint and the hope or believe that it is possible does often work.
I have also not seen any recent evidence that “pants of fire” significantly changes the footprint of those on the political campaign trail.
Written February 18, 2016
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