Por favor
Gracias
Please or if you please is the translation for this Spanish phase.
I recall our parents were very clear about expecting my siblings and I to use say please and thank you.
Grandma Fannie was fond of saying, “If you want respect you have to give respect.” Saying please and thanks you were words which indicated, for them, respect. Perhaps my memory has failed me or perhaps, over the years, I have come to believe stories I tell myself but I do not recall Grandma Fannie or Grandpa Ed ever speaking to us children in a disrespectful manner. Neither do I not recall my Aunt Pleasie or Uncle Harold ever speaking in a harsh or unkind manner. All four of these individual seemed to avoid the trap of “do what I say and not what I do”.
I wish that I could say that I never fell into the trap of speaking or reacting disrespectfully to another person. Although it is certainly my goal to never fall into that trap I have, at times, done so. While most of the time angry, blaming, disrespectful words stay in my head in the form of thoughts or are only spoken to the walls in my home more often than I care to admit I do entertain such thoughts.
Grandma Fannie did not say, “Do not speak or act disrespectfully unless someone acts disrespectfully towards you.” She believed that a healthy person does not give their power to another person. To react with disrespect is, in fact, giving one’s power away; the power to determine the behavior which is consistent with one’s values. This was not a suggestion that one be passive or to refuse to speak out about injustice or unequal treatment. I do not recall Grandma Fannie specifically talking about racism, homophobia, sexism or other particulars of oppression, but I also do not recall Grandma Fannie ever suggesting that any form of oppression was okay. I heard some family members say she was not proud of her Native American heritage, but I never witnessed any mistreatment based on race or heritage. I suspect, given her commitment to learning, if she were alive today she would be much better educated and openly proud of her heritage. I am sure we would be exchanging long letters discussing many important issues. We did that regularly. In fact she wrote me a letter which did not arrive until several days after her death.
I like to think education involves opening all those little boxes into which we learn to put people, places, and ideas; that education means gaining the courage to admit to ourselves and others the lies about who we are in relation to ourselves, each other and the earth.
Since many of us are on this journey of learning we are not less than or more than others it should be easy to be intentional about treating each other with respect. I do not believe this means we say, “Please give us justice. Please treat us like an equal.” In the tradition of Martin Luther King, Jr. it means that if you knock me down I will get up. It means that if you get knocked down I will help you up. It means that I am sorry you do not understand why I cannot remain silent. It means that I want you to hear my pain just as I expect to listen for and hear your pain.
Por favor share your fear and your pain. Por favor listen to my fear and my pain.
Gracias. – Thank you for sharing your humanity and honoring mine.
As my Tai Chi instructor would say this is both an invitation and an expression; an invitation to honor each other’s humanity and an expression of my determination to give and expect respect.
Written June 15, 2020
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
Gracias
Please or if you please is the translation for this Spanish phase.
I recall our parents were very clear about expecting my siblings and I to use say please and thank you.
Grandma Fannie was fond of saying, “If you want respect you have to give respect.” Saying please and thanks you were words which indicated, for them, respect. Perhaps my memory has failed me or perhaps, over the years, I have come to believe stories I tell myself but I do not recall Grandma Fannie or Grandpa Ed ever speaking to us children in a disrespectful manner. Neither do I not recall my Aunt Pleasie or Uncle Harold ever speaking in a harsh or unkind manner. All four of these individual seemed to avoid the trap of “do what I say and not what I do”.
I wish that I could say that I never fell into the trap of speaking or reacting disrespectfully to another person. Although it is certainly my goal to never fall into that trap I have, at times, done so. While most of the time angry, blaming, disrespectful words stay in my head in the form of thoughts or are only spoken to the walls in my home more often than I care to admit I do entertain such thoughts.
Grandma Fannie did not say, “Do not speak or act disrespectfully unless someone acts disrespectfully towards you.” She believed that a healthy person does not give their power to another person. To react with disrespect is, in fact, giving one’s power away; the power to determine the behavior which is consistent with one’s values. This was not a suggestion that one be passive or to refuse to speak out about injustice or unequal treatment. I do not recall Grandma Fannie specifically talking about racism, homophobia, sexism or other particulars of oppression, but I also do not recall Grandma Fannie ever suggesting that any form of oppression was okay. I heard some family members say she was not proud of her Native American heritage, but I never witnessed any mistreatment based on race or heritage. I suspect, given her commitment to learning, if she were alive today she would be much better educated and openly proud of her heritage. I am sure we would be exchanging long letters discussing many important issues. We did that regularly. In fact she wrote me a letter which did not arrive until several days after her death.
I like to think education involves opening all those little boxes into which we learn to put people, places, and ideas; that education means gaining the courage to admit to ourselves and others the lies about who we are in relation to ourselves, each other and the earth.
Since many of us are on this journey of learning we are not less than or more than others it should be easy to be intentional about treating each other with respect. I do not believe this means we say, “Please give us justice. Please treat us like an equal.” In the tradition of Martin Luther King, Jr. it means that if you knock me down I will get up. It means that if you get knocked down I will help you up. It means that I am sorry you do not understand why I cannot remain silent. It means that I want you to hear my pain just as I expect to listen for and hear your pain.
Por favor share your fear and your pain. Por favor listen to my fear and my pain.
Gracias. – Thank you for sharing your humanity and honoring mine.
As my Tai Chi instructor would say this is both an invitation and an expression; an invitation to honor each other’s humanity and an expression of my determination to give and expect respect.
Written June 15, 2020
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
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