Practice makes perfect?
All of us have many habits which serve us well. We develop habits by practicing the same behavior over and over again. Many habits are very specific to the culture in which we are raised while others we stumble upon. Some habits, such as how we get out of bed, how we use bathroom facilities, brush our teeth, shower and get dressed are of little concern to anyone else other than, perhaps, our partner or others with whom we might live and share spaces. It is wonderful to not have to consciously think about how one does these and other routine tasks. We develop what is sometimes referred to as muscle memory for many tasks. Dancers and those who perform actions related to sports or other physical activities practice specific behaviors and routines until accuracy and efficiency of movement is optimal. One begins with an instructor or a diagram outlining the progression of movement. Eventually one performs the task without having to consciously think about specific steps. The same seems to be true for learning to play music. One practices over and over again until one is no longer thinking of specific notes. The music than is free to literally pour out of one’s soul. Observing a violinist such as Joshua Bell perform is experiencing the violinist, the violin, the conductor and the orchestra as one instrument . Some, including me, would include the audience as part of that instrument.
We also develop habits of thinking which then connect to our muscle memory. Just last evening I was talking to a man who suddenly “found himself” driving (muscle memory) to. spend time with the woman he had formerly dated after having decided every day for the past month that he would not continue this relationship which had proved unhealthy for both of them. For many years this man has practiced telling himself that a relationship with a woman will help him avoid the discomfort of being with himself. This behavior always works for a time. He does not have to learn a new habit of being comfortable with himself. Of course, no healthy person wants to be responsible for being a “fix” for another person – always being on call for a temporary high and then being discarded like a used, contaminated face mask.
The experience of the very bright, good young man is that he has little choice; life keeps happening to him even though he is sick and tired of the exhaustion, heartache and general destruction which is the result of his decisions to continue the pattern. Not surprisingly this man also has a history of other addictive behavior; alcohol, other drugs, things, and money.
This man has been practicing the same “song and dance” for many years. He allows his feelings to form his thoughts (feelings are a result of past thoughts originated by self or others.) Thus he tells himself:
It is not true that practice makes perfect. If one practices the same unhealthy thoughts (brain commands) over and over again, the result is not healthy behavior. The results of unhealthy thoughts are unhealthy behavior.
The tools of 12 step programs and similar programs are based on identifying the lies and myths one has been telling oneself, practicing new thoughts (step work), using the support of meetings, sponsors and others and a firm determination to stop and think the new thoughts before taking action.
We know a lot about the formation of habits, muscle memory (procedural memory) and how to change habits. We do not know an “easier, softer, way” of making changes. It is hard work, often with a lot of two steps forward, three steps back, two and one half steps forward and so forth. It all begins with the thought process and practicing new behavior no matter how uncomfortable.
Written May 6, 2020
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
All of us have many habits which serve us well. We develop habits by practicing the same behavior over and over again. Many habits are very specific to the culture in which we are raised while others we stumble upon. Some habits, such as how we get out of bed, how we use bathroom facilities, brush our teeth, shower and get dressed are of little concern to anyone else other than, perhaps, our partner or others with whom we might live and share spaces. It is wonderful to not have to consciously think about how one does these and other routine tasks. We develop what is sometimes referred to as muscle memory for many tasks. Dancers and those who perform actions related to sports or other physical activities practice specific behaviors and routines until accuracy and efficiency of movement is optimal. One begins with an instructor or a diagram outlining the progression of movement. Eventually one performs the task without having to consciously think about specific steps. The same seems to be true for learning to play music. One practices over and over again until one is no longer thinking of specific notes. The music than is free to literally pour out of one’s soul. Observing a violinist such as Joshua Bell perform is experiencing the violinist, the violin, the conductor and the orchestra as one instrument . Some, including me, would include the audience as part of that instrument.
We also develop habits of thinking which then connect to our muscle memory. Just last evening I was talking to a man who suddenly “found himself” driving (muscle memory) to. spend time with the woman he had formerly dated after having decided every day for the past month that he would not continue this relationship which had proved unhealthy for both of them. For many years this man has practiced telling himself that a relationship with a woman will help him avoid the discomfort of being with himself. This behavior always works for a time. He does not have to learn a new habit of being comfortable with himself. Of course, no healthy person wants to be responsible for being a “fix” for another person – always being on call for a temporary high and then being discarded like a used, contaminated face mask.
The experience of the very bright, good young man is that he has little choice; life keeps happening to him even though he is sick and tired of the exhaustion, heartache and general destruction which is the result of his decisions to continue the pattern. Not surprisingly this man also has a history of other addictive behavior; alcohol, other drugs, things, and money.
This man has been practicing the same “song and dance” for many years. He allows his feelings to form his thoughts (feelings are a result of past thoughts originated by self or others.) Thus he tells himself:
- I cannot be alone.
- I am not enough by myself. I need someone to complete me.
- I cannot tolerate emotional discomfort.
- I cannot tolerate the emotional discomfort of another.
- My worth is based in being able to fix unhealthy people.
- Alcohol and other drugs are my friend.
- I can tolerate any level of mistreatment if I get my fix.
- My need to please others must supersede my desire to not father a child.
It is not true that practice makes perfect. If one practices the same unhealthy thoughts (brain commands) over and over again, the result is not healthy behavior. The results of unhealthy thoughts are unhealthy behavior.
The tools of 12 step programs and similar programs are based on identifying the lies and myths one has been telling oneself, practicing new thoughts (step work), using the support of meetings, sponsors and others and a firm determination to stop and think the new thoughts before taking action.
We know a lot about the formation of habits, muscle memory (procedural memory) and how to change habits. We do not know an “easier, softer, way” of making changes. It is hard work, often with a lot of two steps forward, three steps back, two and one half steps forward and so forth. It all begins with the thought process and practicing new behavior no matter how uncomfortable.
Written May 6, 2020
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
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