Preparing for the wake
I was listening to someone on a podcast this morning bemoan the demand by some for political correctness. This is a complaint which most of us have heard from various sources. It is also a catch phrase used by some politicians to critique those who are concerned about the language used to exclude or overtly justify oppressing those whose race, gender, or sexual orientation may not be embraced by the larger society. When someone is critical of the critique of language for this reason it may seem they are misunderstanding the power of language and how it is embedded in the culture and practice of oppression.
Part of my intent in listening to the podcast was to attempt to listen at a deeper level and with an open mind and heart. What the speaker seemed to be saying was that, if not careful, the goal becomes being politically correct for the sake of political correctness; the intent of which has very little to do with creating a more just and loving society. When our intent is to be politically correct, we are asking to be recognized as being right or righteous - proving that we are better than or more moral then. Perhaps that is not our intent but if that is how we are heard the audience is likely to be defensive and respond with criticism. I will share a personal example. When I am in a restaurant, I always tell the wait person “Please no plastic straws.” Friends often respond to my statement with, “Do we have to go there?” followed by a sigh. In my mind I have made a simple and important request. Any time one can avoid the use of plastic which might end up in the bellies of fish in our rivers and oceans we have taken a small step towards a healthier and kinder relationship with the ecology of Mother Earth. Some restaurants have switched to no straws or pasta or paper straws.
What I may not be taking into account is the fact that my friends have arrived wanting a pleasant evening of not feeling guilty for taking a break and enjoying an evening with friends; a break from feeling guilty for being comfortable. Clearly, we know that positive change does not happen when we make others feel guilty. When we are heard as verbally criticizing or punishing others we may be perceived as those who would now like to take their hard-won enjoyment and give it to those we who are still oppressed. They may “hear” that the intent is to make them have a miserable evening because they are unworthy to enjoy themselves while others are homeless, starving and Mother Earth is withering away.
If the use of plastic straws was the only issue which was potentially a politically correct dividing issue, we could address that issue without it being a trigger. The truth is that we live in a time when most of us are on a “serious” information overload. I suspect this information overload of “serious” issues is making it difficult for all of us to feel like good citizens of the earth. If i think about the fact that I believe that TODAY we need to address, sexism, racism, homophobia, historical accuracy, factors relating to climate change, healthy food choices, addiction, health care, foreign policy, the so-called justice system and a host of other urgent issues it is easy to understand how many feel they are suffocating under the weight of political correctness.
Perhaps we heed to create the conditions for a wake. I have always been fond of wakes. At the wakes I have been privileged to attend there is room for laughter, weeping, wailing, anger, joy, celebration and the breaking of bread together. The laughter and joy do not detract from the overwhelming sadness that there is the body of the loved one without whom we may have difficulty imagining life.
It seems we have lost the ability to agree that the emperor has no clothes; that there is a body sitting in the middle of the room. That body is racism, sexism, climate warming, homophobia, the lack of equal access to healthy food, housing, clothing, clean heat, health care, and decent paying jobs. That body is the fact of the 1% having a very large share of the wealth. That body is the Tulsa Massacre, the broken treaties, the often-arrogant foreign policy and the need to move past the pandemic. That body is number of people dying from drug overdoses. It is the fact that we imprison more people than any other so called developed nations for longer periods and have a high recidivism rate. That body is the number of injuries and killings in this country with firearms. That body is our acceptance of the use of the term America to refer to the United States leaving out the fact that there is South American, Central America, Mexico, and Canada.
The question is how we can agree to take off our rose-colored glasses and acknowledge the body without metaphorically shoving each other into the casket with the body.
When someone first finds out there is a body, before the body is lovingly prepared for the viewing and the wake, arms reach out to gather the grieving and allow them to weep and wail. Perhaps we who are so eager to address the reality of the body have to gather the grieving ones in our arms. Perhaps if we can honor that stage of grieving, we can move on to the wake. At the wake there is no discussion about whether there is a body and yet the reality of the body allows for the laughter, the story telling and the planning of a new future. The grief cannot be expressed without the laughter. The planning of the future cannot be faced with the feeding of each other.
Perhaps political correctness or the lack of same is not the issue. The issue may be attempting to address the issues without even acknowledging the reality of the losses. it does not matter if the loss represented a distorted reality or only a thin slice of reality. Even the loss of an illusion or a dream is a profound loss.
Perhaps it is time we embraced and sat with each other before we plan the wake.
Written August 17, 2021
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
I was listening to someone on a podcast this morning bemoan the demand by some for political correctness. This is a complaint which most of us have heard from various sources. It is also a catch phrase used by some politicians to critique those who are concerned about the language used to exclude or overtly justify oppressing those whose race, gender, or sexual orientation may not be embraced by the larger society. When someone is critical of the critique of language for this reason it may seem they are misunderstanding the power of language and how it is embedded in the culture and practice of oppression.
Part of my intent in listening to the podcast was to attempt to listen at a deeper level and with an open mind and heart. What the speaker seemed to be saying was that, if not careful, the goal becomes being politically correct for the sake of political correctness; the intent of which has very little to do with creating a more just and loving society. When our intent is to be politically correct, we are asking to be recognized as being right or righteous - proving that we are better than or more moral then. Perhaps that is not our intent but if that is how we are heard the audience is likely to be defensive and respond with criticism. I will share a personal example. When I am in a restaurant, I always tell the wait person “Please no plastic straws.” Friends often respond to my statement with, “Do we have to go there?” followed by a sigh. In my mind I have made a simple and important request. Any time one can avoid the use of plastic which might end up in the bellies of fish in our rivers and oceans we have taken a small step towards a healthier and kinder relationship with the ecology of Mother Earth. Some restaurants have switched to no straws or pasta or paper straws.
What I may not be taking into account is the fact that my friends have arrived wanting a pleasant evening of not feeling guilty for taking a break and enjoying an evening with friends; a break from feeling guilty for being comfortable. Clearly, we know that positive change does not happen when we make others feel guilty. When we are heard as verbally criticizing or punishing others we may be perceived as those who would now like to take their hard-won enjoyment and give it to those we who are still oppressed. They may “hear” that the intent is to make them have a miserable evening because they are unworthy to enjoy themselves while others are homeless, starving and Mother Earth is withering away.
If the use of plastic straws was the only issue which was potentially a politically correct dividing issue, we could address that issue without it being a trigger. The truth is that we live in a time when most of us are on a “serious” information overload. I suspect this information overload of “serious” issues is making it difficult for all of us to feel like good citizens of the earth. If i think about the fact that I believe that TODAY we need to address, sexism, racism, homophobia, historical accuracy, factors relating to climate change, healthy food choices, addiction, health care, foreign policy, the so-called justice system and a host of other urgent issues it is easy to understand how many feel they are suffocating under the weight of political correctness.
Perhaps we heed to create the conditions for a wake. I have always been fond of wakes. At the wakes I have been privileged to attend there is room for laughter, weeping, wailing, anger, joy, celebration and the breaking of bread together. The laughter and joy do not detract from the overwhelming sadness that there is the body of the loved one without whom we may have difficulty imagining life.
It seems we have lost the ability to agree that the emperor has no clothes; that there is a body sitting in the middle of the room. That body is racism, sexism, climate warming, homophobia, the lack of equal access to healthy food, housing, clothing, clean heat, health care, and decent paying jobs. That body is the fact of the 1% having a very large share of the wealth. That body is the Tulsa Massacre, the broken treaties, the often-arrogant foreign policy and the need to move past the pandemic. That body is number of people dying from drug overdoses. It is the fact that we imprison more people than any other so called developed nations for longer periods and have a high recidivism rate. That body is the number of injuries and killings in this country with firearms. That body is our acceptance of the use of the term America to refer to the United States leaving out the fact that there is South American, Central America, Mexico, and Canada.
The question is how we can agree to take off our rose-colored glasses and acknowledge the body without metaphorically shoving each other into the casket with the body.
When someone first finds out there is a body, before the body is lovingly prepared for the viewing and the wake, arms reach out to gather the grieving and allow them to weep and wail. Perhaps we who are so eager to address the reality of the body have to gather the grieving ones in our arms. Perhaps if we can honor that stage of grieving, we can move on to the wake. At the wake there is no discussion about whether there is a body and yet the reality of the body allows for the laughter, the story telling and the planning of a new future. The grief cannot be expressed without the laughter. The planning of the future cannot be faced with the feeding of each other.
Perhaps political correctness or the lack of same is not the issue. The issue may be attempting to address the issues without even acknowledging the reality of the losses. it does not matter if the loss represented a distorted reality or only a thin slice of reality. Even the loss of an illusion or a dream is a profound loss.
Perhaps it is time we embraced and sat with each other before we plan the wake.
Written August 17, 2021
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
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