Public criticism
As a child, I did not like being given critical feedback, but sometimes if given with the intention of being helpful and given in private it was very helpful. As an adult, I appreciate it when friends and colleagues give me critical feedback. In fact, I often ask others to edit what I am writing or to give me suggestion about how I can be more effective in my job. I have no problem admitting that most 4 year olds are more technically savvy that I am. I know, at best, I make educated guesses most of the time about work or other issues.
On the other hand, I have never seen the value of public criticism; the purpose of which is to simply point out the faults or wayward thinking of another.
I have been guilty of doing just that in the past. For example, the intention might have been to end the war in Vietnam or to get others to end investments in corporations or governments which were oppressing people. Yet, the approach I and others took was often “us” talking about “them”. Humility, kindness, and respect were not considered. After all, we were “right” and “good” and they were “wrong” and “bad/immoral”.
As a counselor who also facilitates group therapy sessions with those recovering from addiction and other diseases, clients often talk about very personal issues with each other. The goal is healing. It is never to be critical. All participants need to be very careful that any suggestions or feedback is given in the spirit of love and teaching. Sadly, I have been in therapy groups when the goal seemed to be merely critical. This can be very humiliating for the client and the other group members.
Whether the disagreement is with a political candidate, a coworker, someone one supervises, a child or some other family members, it seems to be that it is important to consider the following:
I am not suggesting that I find it easy to refrain from being critical in a self-righteous manner. I am often tempted to say something which make it seems as if I really believe I am morally superior to another person. It is easy for me to want to be that person or to appear to be that person who is more moral than others. There are political candidates who I experience as critical, cruel, racist, sexist, homophobic, and unjust. Yet, I know that being critical of them is not going to set up conditions for a dialogue in which we both listen to and learn from each other. I know that saying something mean spirited will work just like a drug which gets one high. It will feel good for a moment but long term feels terrible and wil not improve the situation for anyone.
None of us humans like to be criticized. Some of us may, in fact, be less sensitive and/or more able to see ourselves in the behavior of the other, but all of us will function better if we are treated with kindness and respect. If we need to give constructive criticism we need to do it in private – not in front of others, on social media, in newspapers or other public settings/medium.
Written May 4, 2018
As a child, I did not like being given critical feedback, but sometimes if given with the intention of being helpful and given in private it was very helpful. As an adult, I appreciate it when friends and colleagues give me critical feedback. In fact, I often ask others to edit what I am writing or to give me suggestion about how I can be more effective in my job. I have no problem admitting that most 4 year olds are more technically savvy that I am. I know, at best, I make educated guesses most of the time about work or other issues.
On the other hand, I have never seen the value of public criticism; the purpose of which is to simply point out the faults or wayward thinking of another.
I have been guilty of doing just that in the past. For example, the intention might have been to end the war in Vietnam or to get others to end investments in corporations or governments which were oppressing people. Yet, the approach I and others took was often “us” talking about “them”. Humility, kindness, and respect were not considered. After all, we were “right” and “good” and they were “wrong” and “bad/immoral”.
As a counselor who also facilitates group therapy sessions with those recovering from addiction and other diseases, clients often talk about very personal issues with each other. The goal is healing. It is never to be critical. All participants need to be very careful that any suggestions or feedback is given in the spirit of love and teaching. Sadly, I have been in therapy groups when the goal seemed to be merely critical. This can be very humiliating for the client and the other group members.
Whether the disagreement is with a political candidate, a coworker, someone one supervises, a child or some other family members, it seems to be that it is important to consider the following:
- If not a life and death emergency wait to discuss critical feedback in private.
- If humility is lacking – if one cannot imagine oneself doing something which is equally unkind, unjust, or thoughtless - than one should keep one’s criticism/feedback to oneself.
- One’s goal needs to be to be part of the solution and not to create further strife or hard feelings which will make future problem solving more difficult.
I am not suggesting that I find it easy to refrain from being critical in a self-righteous manner. I am often tempted to say something which make it seems as if I really believe I am morally superior to another person. It is easy for me to want to be that person or to appear to be that person who is more moral than others. There are political candidates who I experience as critical, cruel, racist, sexist, homophobic, and unjust. Yet, I know that being critical of them is not going to set up conditions for a dialogue in which we both listen to and learn from each other. I know that saying something mean spirited will work just like a drug which gets one high. It will feel good for a moment but long term feels terrible and wil not improve the situation for anyone.
None of us humans like to be criticized. Some of us may, in fact, be less sensitive and/or more able to see ourselves in the behavior of the other, but all of us will function better if we are treated with kindness and respect. If we need to give constructive criticism we need to do it in private – not in front of others, on social media, in newspapers or other public settings/medium.
Written May 4, 2018
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