Realities
Most of we humans experience a range of emotions. In fact. one may experience many different emotions in a brief space of time. There are those who are unable to experience emotions. There are also those whose emotions seem so powerful much of the time that they are unable to function. Scientists can now identify some of the factors which affect the strength, frequency and relationship with one’s emotions. Most of us who are parents or who work with children are acutely aware tiredness, nutritional intake or lack, trauma and other factors affect their emotional reaction. We know that an excess of processed sugar is likely to result in hyper, cranky children. We also know that if we, as children or adults, are exceptionally tired, hungry or stressed for other reasons we might shut down emotionally or become easily frustrated and angry. Ancestral stress, stress in vitro or subsequent trauma affect what is happening in sections of the brain such as the frontal lobe, the amygdala, or the hippocampus. The thyroid also affects mood/how we experience the world. A unitary track infection can result in mental confusion and be mistakenly misdiagnosed.
Feelings or emotions may often make it seem as if one cannot face life on life’s terms. This may be related to our expectations of what would or should happen. We do not expect the death of a child, the early death of a partner/spouse who had no apparent risk factors other than life itself; not being able to be with a loved one as they transitioned; suddenly finding that one’s life script had changed and instead of being the primary care taker of and homemaker for one’s family one has to move into a tiny apartment and work at a minimum wage job; another black male is shot and killed by a police officer; one is overcome with the exhaustion of waiting for justice.
Feelings can also be positive. Suddenly we are in limerick mode, having just found out our book is accepted by a publisher, our child has met the perfect mate, our first grandchild enters our arms and our world, or we got a commission for our art project. We may find ourselves perfectly in synch with the new life of spring and even at 80 begin skipping down the street shouting good morning to all the neighbors.
We know that this life journey is very fragile and brief. We all have a limited life span. It is not surprising we die. We know that before we met the perfect life partner we had a life. We know that if we are open to new possibilities there are many new people and experiences just waiting to be discovered. We know when we prepare for that huge family holiday dinner that weather or any number of factors can force cancelation. We know that we cannot keep our children in a protected bubble. They are going to experience hurt and disappointment. We know we are human and sometimes, in retrospect, do really unkind, stupid and dumb things. We know it is only “till death do us part” or until one of us falls out of love, is kidnapped by addiction or stolen by dementia. We know that our fight for justice is never ending. We know that injustice often arises out of pain or fear. We know all this and yet can easily become emotionally paralyzed. It may feel as if we cannot go on living; that there is no reason to keep living; that we cannot allow ourselves to open to new positive possibilities. It may seem as if our feelings are revealing the only possible reality. Yet, the truth is that there are always multiples realities. It is true that the pain of the loss of a child or a long-term partner is always going to leave an empty, painful place in our heart. It is true that family gatherings will never be the same. It is true that we must take time to grieve and, yet it is also true that it is possible to experience the light of new experiences; to allow others to love and to return that love.
There are always multiples realities. One reality does not diminish or cross out another. Some of my most poignant and positive experiences have been at wakes where people are given permission to laugh, weep, get angry - to express a wide range of emotions all within the same place and within the space of a few hours. There is a recognition that all emotions seem to reside in the same place. When grief has to seep out, laughter has to seep out. When anger is covered with politeness we do not experience the joy of friendship. When we attempt to mask or deny our intense emotions we create distance which leads to disconnection which leads to a void which leads to grief which ,,,,
Written December 17, 2020
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
Most of we humans experience a range of emotions. In fact. one may experience many different emotions in a brief space of time. There are those who are unable to experience emotions. There are also those whose emotions seem so powerful much of the time that they are unable to function. Scientists can now identify some of the factors which affect the strength, frequency and relationship with one’s emotions. Most of us who are parents or who work with children are acutely aware tiredness, nutritional intake or lack, trauma and other factors affect their emotional reaction. We know that an excess of processed sugar is likely to result in hyper, cranky children. We also know that if we, as children or adults, are exceptionally tired, hungry or stressed for other reasons we might shut down emotionally or become easily frustrated and angry. Ancestral stress, stress in vitro or subsequent trauma affect what is happening in sections of the brain such as the frontal lobe, the amygdala, or the hippocampus. The thyroid also affects mood/how we experience the world. A unitary track infection can result in mental confusion and be mistakenly misdiagnosed.
Feelings or emotions may often make it seem as if one cannot face life on life’s terms. This may be related to our expectations of what would or should happen. We do not expect the death of a child, the early death of a partner/spouse who had no apparent risk factors other than life itself; not being able to be with a loved one as they transitioned; suddenly finding that one’s life script had changed and instead of being the primary care taker of and homemaker for one’s family one has to move into a tiny apartment and work at a minimum wage job; another black male is shot and killed by a police officer; one is overcome with the exhaustion of waiting for justice.
Feelings can also be positive. Suddenly we are in limerick mode, having just found out our book is accepted by a publisher, our child has met the perfect mate, our first grandchild enters our arms and our world, or we got a commission for our art project. We may find ourselves perfectly in synch with the new life of spring and even at 80 begin skipping down the street shouting good morning to all the neighbors.
We know that this life journey is very fragile and brief. We all have a limited life span. It is not surprising we die. We know that before we met the perfect life partner we had a life. We know that if we are open to new possibilities there are many new people and experiences just waiting to be discovered. We know when we prepare for that huge family holiday dinner that weather or any number of factors can force cancelation. We know that we cannot keep our children in a protected bubble. They are going to experience hurt and disappointment. We know we are human and sometimes, in retrospect, do really unkind, stupid and dumb things. We know it is only “till death do us part” or until one of us falls out of love, is kidnapped by addiction or stolen by dementia. We know that our fight for justice is never ending. We know that injustice often arises out of pain or fear. We know all this and yet can easily become emotionally paralyzed. It may feel as if we cannot go on living; that there is no reason to keep living; that we cannot allow ourselves to open to new positive possibilities. It may seem as if our feelings are revealing the only possible reality. Yet, the truth is that there are always multiples realities. It is true that the pain of the loss of a child or a long-term partner is always going to leave an empty, painful place in our heart. It is true that family gatherings will never be the same. It is true that we must take time to grieve and, yet it is also true that it is possible to experience the light of new experiences; to allow others to love and to return that love.
There are always multiples realities. One reality does not diminish or cross out another. Some of my most poignant and positive experiences have been at wakes where people are given permission to laugh, weep, get angry - to express a wide range of emotions all within the same place and within the space of a few hours. There is a recognition that all emotions seem to reside in the same place. When grief has to seep out, laughter has to seep out. When anger is covered with politeness we do not experience the joy of friendship. When we attempt to mask or deny our intense emotions we create distance which leads to disconnection which leads to a void which leads to grief which ,,,,
Written December 17, 2020
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
RSS Feed