Reluctant Gratitude
I recently wrote about the On Being conversation between host Krista Tippett and Brother David Steindl-Rast. This week I listen to Brother Steindl-Rast’s Ted Talk “Want to be happy? Be grateful”. During the talk he reminds the listener that one does not wait to be grateful until one is happy. He asserts if one begins with gratitude one will be happy. This makes sense to me but even as I listen, I am aware that there are times when I have a difficult time focusing on gratitude. I may be feeling worried, sad, taken advantage of, or planning to be depressed if such and such happens. Forcing myself to write a gratitude list feels like a waste of time. It almost seems as if I am unwilling to let go of my negative mood. After all, as I wrote yesterday, I may be telling myself that I have a right to be focusing to the negative thoughts since it “obviously describes my reality at that moment”. Yet, at such times, another voice in my head intercedes with “And just how well has that worked for you in the past?” Yet another voice chimes in with, “Did I ask you?” These sorts of conversations can, if I allow them, carry on for some time. In the meantime I remain in a negative mood. Finally, hopefully sooner rather than later, I somewhat reluctantly put pen to paper to write out the darn gratitude list. If not careful, however, I “find myself” writing down my list of legitimate concerns or grievances. I may even write, “I am grateful for X, but…” The wise voice in my head might then suggest, “Just try writing down a list of your blessings for which you are, on a cognitive level, grateful.” I begin:
I am grateful that my son is healthy and in a loving relationship.
I am grateful for my siblings.
I am grateful my nieces and nephews.
I am grateful for the many friends who sent me holiday greetings.
I am grateful for heat on this cold day.
I am grateful for being able to see the eye doctor this week.
I am grateful for being able to go to the gym and work out this morning,
I am grateful for a car which runs and which is housed in a garage.
I am grateful each non-labored breath.
I am grateful for the work I am able to do today.
I am grateful for the challenges, which allow me to grow.
The more I am intentional about the gratitude list the less focused I am on negative or potential negative people or events in my life. This never fails to happen. On the happiness scale I move from a minus 5 to a positive 6 or 7. I will still have to deal with the discomfort of negative events or potential negative events as they arrive. I can, however, be grateful that my history is I can and do deal with events or situations as they occur. I have done this for 77 years. No matter how much I agonize about them, when they are in front me I deal with them.
I am grateful for that knowledge and for knowing that it is theoretically safe for me to relax and embrace the moment.
Brother David Stindl-Rast and other wise teachers are right. Gratitude leads to happiness. I knew that. Yet, it was helpful to be reminded of that very simple truth. I am grateful for that reminder.
Written December 27, 2017
I recently wrote about the On Being conversation between host Krista Tippett and Brother David Steindl-Rast. This week I listen to Brother Steindl-Rast’s Ted Talk “Want to be happy? Be grateful”. During the talk he reminds the listener that one does not wait to be grateful until one is happy. He asserts if one begins with gratitude one will be happy. This makes sense to me but even as I listen, I am aware that there are times when I have a difficult time focusing on gratitude. I may be feeling worried, sad, taken advantage of, or planning to be depressed if such and such happens. Forcing myself to write a gratitude list feels like a waste of time. It almost seems as if I am unwilling to let go of my negative mood. After all, as I wrote yesterday, I may be telling myself that I have a right to be focusing to the negative thoughts since it “obviously describes my reality at that moment”. Yet, at such times, another voice in my head intercedes with “And just how well has that worked for you in the past?” Yet another voice chimes in with, “Did I ask you?” These sorts of conversations can, if I allow them, carry on for some time. In the meantime I remain in a negative mood. Finally, hopefully sooner rather than later, I somewhat reluctantly put pen to paper to write out the darn gratitude list. If not careful, however, I “find myself” writing down my list of legitimate concerns or grievances. I may even write, “I am grateful for X, but…” The wise voice in my head might then suggest, “Just try writing down a list of your blessings for which you are, on a cognitive level, grateful.” I begin:
I am grateful that my son is healthy and in a loving relationship.
I am grateful for my siblings.
I am grateful my nieces and nephews.
I am grateful for the many friends who sent me holiday greetings.
I am grateful for heat on this cold day.
I am grateful for being able to see the eye doctor this week.
I am grateful for being able to go to the gym and work out this morning,
I am grateful for a car which runs and which is housed in a garage.
I am grateful each non-labored breath.
I am grateful for the work I am able to do today.
I am grateful for the challenges, which allow me to grow.
The more I am intentional about the gratitude list the less focused I am on negative or potential negative people or events in my life. This never fails to happen. On the happiness scale I move from a minus 5 to a positive 6 or 7. I will still have to deal with the discomfort of negative events or potential negative events as they arrive. I can, however, be grateful that my history is I can and do deal with events or situations as they occur. I have done this for 77 years. No matter how much I agonize about them, when they are in front me I deal with them.
I am grateful for that knowledge and for knowing that it is theoretically safe for me to relax and embrace the moment.
Brother David Stindl-Rast and other wise teachers are right. Gratitude leads to happiness. I knew that. Yet, it was helpful to be reminded of that very simple truth. I am grateful for that reminder.
Written December 27, 2017
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