My laptop mouse has, once again, decided to come to life and operate independently. Various programs and functions keep playing with each other with no regard for what I am attempting to do. It was working fine earlier and then it decided it was bored and would play with me for a bit. Of course, I was in my goal-oriented mood and not ready to play. The mouse, which is as emotionally advanced as a child, has no empathy for my very important work. At one level I am perfectly aware that this is another rich opportunity for me to practice the art of patience and acceptance of the reality over which I have no control. Another part of me has decided that it is very important that I hold fast to my self-imposed schedule of completing a blog a day. In order to do that I need the mouse to behave itself.
Obviously, I am under no illusions that posting another blog tomorrow is going to have a significant impact on the world, particularly if I cannot practice what I preach. I often talk about the gift of spiritual lessons which appear in our life-usually, quite uninvited. I do believe this. At the same time I am quite aware that I can be a very goal driven man and, if not careful, get so caught up in some task that I miss an important opportunity to grow spiritually.
While attempting to do the draft of tomorrow’s blog I am also been attempting to have a discussion, via my blog comments, with my good friend Jennifer about issues which I raised in today’s blog. The mouse does not care about that conversation either. In its way the mouse has reminded me that it is important to listen and not focus on trying to be right or win a debate. Jennifer is one of those heroes I talked about in Thursday’s blog. She is enormously bright, compassionate and has a clear vision of the values she wants to guide her in her life. I know that I can count on her to love me unconditionally and always be there if I need something. If I arrived sick on the doorstep of the home she shares with her husband and two children they would welcome me, feed me, and nurse me back to health. There are true friends.
One of the other qualities, which I so admire about Jennifer, is that she will debate an issue with me in a loving and respectful manner. This ability and willingness has nothing to do with the fact that she is an attorney although these qualities do serve her well professionally.
This is one of the gifts of writing and sharing the blogs in a public space. Folks such as Jennifer will continue to challenge me to think outside of my little box. For this I am enormously grateful.
Of course, I must also admit that I am not always comfortable with being so strongly challenged. There is that part of me which continues to hold on to an old lie that I have to prove my worthwhileness by being right or being smart or knowing something. Yet, I also know that if I am not uncomfortable on a fairly frequent basis I am not growing.
Another friend has been challenging me to think way outside my normal limits of comfort about our role in the universe and the possibility that we are not the only life forms in the various universes and possibly the least advanced life form. I want to claim that this is just too much for my wee brain, but I know that it is not a matter of the size of my brain. It is a matter of opening to the possibility of thinking very differently about our place in the universes. Yikes. My head hurts!
Something Jennifer said made me think about the folks who used to drift over to my office when I was located next to the Catholic Community Center. One of the homeless folks might be seeking shelter on my covered porch, especially in inclement weather. Sometimes one or more would join me for a cup of coffee. Often I would steal a few minutes and hang out with them in the common room of the center. Frequently, one of them would say just what I needed to hear. One day, for example, I was in a rush and threw my briefcase along with my car keys in the trunk of the car before quickly slamming it shut. (In those days one needed the key to unlock start the car!) One of the men said to me, “It is so easy to get so busy that we forget what we are doing.” He was right! I was not very present to myself or anyone else. Another morning, during the Anthrax scare one of the men said to me “I don’t have to worry about getting no anthrax in the mail. If you do not have a home you do not get mail.” He was not angry or bitter. He was just stating a fact. There are many other examples of the sacredness of the affect that these men and women had on my life. They were homeless for a variety of reasons. Some had serious mental health problems. Some had been living on minimum wage and suddenly lost their job. Some were living with addiction or other illness. Some had just lost hope and any sense of purpose. All treated me with love and respect and all had something to teach me.
So it is that I have to make peace with my mouse. At the moment, although not back to normal, it seems to be working better. I am sure, however, that I will again get busy with my important work and forget what is important. My friend, the mouse, my human friends such as Jennifer, or the person from whom I least expect to bring a gift will bring me gold, frankincense and myrrh. It may be wrapped in plain brown paper, an old newspaper or in a rusty bucket and not in an elegant gift basket.
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