Sacred places to grow up
In an ideal world none of us would be conceived until our parents had worked out all their significant emotional and/or spiritual issues. They would also have sufficient access to resources to ensure that we had a warm, safe home, plenty of food, and the opportunity to safely explore the world. Occasionally, a child might be born to such parents. A few children are born who seem to arrive already emotionally and spiritually developed to such an extent that the health or lack of health of their parents does not seem to have much of an impact. Most of us have seen those babies who appear as if they are going to be okay no matter what life throws at them. There are other children who, without any identifiable dysfunction seem to struggle from day one no matter how healthy or unhealthy their parents. Various scientists may eventually offer possible explanations for why that is, but it is still a mystery.
We come into the world needing the unconditional love of a parent – preferably the same sex parent – before we are able to begin to develop a strong, positive sense of self. If we have such a person we will, barring other issues, by age 5 or 6 begin to internalize a positive sense of self. If that happens we will go on to discover our strengths and our limitations. By the time we are in our late teens and certainly no later that mid-twenties we become grounded enough to move through the subsequent stages of this life journey.
Those of us who did not enter this life journey already with a strong, positive sense of self, who did not have parent figures who loved us unconditionally or who, for other reasons, could not internalize a strong, positive sense of self will need to develop the skills to parent ourselves – to give ourselves the unconditional love and acceptance we have been attempting to get from others. This can best be accomplished in a safe, positive womb like setting.
Some residential treatment centers are able to create what is sometimes called a sacred place. Whether or not a particular treatment center becomes such a sacred place depends on the staff (paid and volunteer) and whether or not, at any one period of time, there is a strong core of residents/clients who are ready to allow this maturation process to occur. If the core group of residents are not ready – are too frightened or otherwise stuck – then none of the clients are likely to compete this essential developmental stage.
One program with whom I have been associated has done this more consistently than many others. This is a small, residential addiction treatment center called Lee Jones Miracles Happen in
Wheeling, WV. Any success they have is no accident. The staff is committed to creating a sacred place. Soon there will be some changes mandated by funding sources which may affect the ability of the staff to select clients who are more likely to be ready to move through that essential developmental state. One of the challenges facing this and other treatment programs is how to create the flexibility to keep that strong, positive core group of clients while lovingly and quickly finding other options for those not ready or able to make the changes.
As staff we are going to have to continue to find ways to challenge the clients to work closely with staff to create and take ownership of their sacred place.
Written February 1, 2018
In an ideal world none of us would be conceived until our parents had worked out all their significant emotional and/or spiritual issues. They would also have sufficient access to resources to ensure that we had a warm, safe home, plenty of food, and the opportunity to safely explore the world. Occasionally, a child might be born to such parents. A few children are born who seem to arrive already emotionally and spiritually developed to such an extent that the health or lack of health of their parents does not seem to have much of an impact. Most of us have seen those babies who appear as if they are going to be okay no matter what life throws at them. There are other children who, without any identifiable dysfunction seem to struggle from day one no matter how healthy or unhealthy their parents. Various scientists may eventually offer possible explanations for why that is, but it is still a mystery.
We come into the world needing the unconditional love of a parent – preferably the same sex parent – before we are able to begin to develop a strong, positive sense of self. If we have such a person we will, barring other issues, by age 5 or 6 begin to internalize a positive sense of self. If that happens we will go on to discover our strengths and our limitations. By the time we are in our late teens and certainly no later that mid-twenties we become grounded enough to move through the subsequent stages of this life journey.
Those of us who did not enter this life journey already with a strong, positive sense of self, who did not have parent figures who loved us unconditionally or who, for other reasons, could not internalize a strong, positive sense of self will need to develop the skills to parent ourselves – to give ourselves the unconditional love and acceptance we have been attempting to get from others. This can best be accomplished in a safe, positive womb like setting.
Some residential treatment centers are able to create what is sometimes called a sacred place. Whether or not a particular treatment center becomes such a sacred place depends on the staff (paid and volunteer) and whether or not, at any one period of time, there is a strong core of residents/clients who are ready to allow this maturation process to occur. If the core group of residents are not ready – are too frightened or otherwise stuck – then none of the clients are likely to compete this essential developmental stage.
One program with whom I have been associated has done this more consistently than many others. This is a small, residential addiction treatment center called Lee Jones Miracles Happen in
Wheeling, WV. Any success they have is no accident. The staff is committed to creating a sacred place. Soon there will be some changes mandated by funding sources which may affect the ability of the staff to select clients who are more likely to be ready to move through that essential developmental state. One of the challenges facing this and other treatment programs is how to create the flexibility to keep that strong, positive core group of clients while lovingly and quickly finding other options for those not ready or able to make the changes.
As staff we are going to have to continue to find ways to challenge the clients to work closely with staff to create and take ownership of their sacred place.
Written February 1, 2018
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