Sam asks about criminals and learns about empathy
The end of the school year is always a busy time for the kids, parents and teachers. There are tests, school-related performances, discussions, decisions to make about school in the fall, field trips and time with friends who are going to spend the summer with the non-custodial parent. My adopted niece and nephew, six-year-old Sam and twelve-year-old Paul have not spent much time at my house in the past few weeks. Neither had needed my help with homework and they were too busy to wonder about issues which their parents thought were best addressed by Uncle Jim. Receiving a call from Sam after school asking if she could come over was a pleasant surprise. Fortunately, we had anticipated this busy time of year and stowed away dozens of chocolate chip cookies in the freezer. Sam, Paul and I like them best when frozen and dunked in out hot chocolate or cold milk. Tonight it is still pretty warm and I have guessed that Sam will want chocolate milk.
I hear a light knock on the door and then the door opens.
Me: Hi Sam. How are you? How was school today?
Sam: Hi Uncle Jim (she gives me a hug and a kiss.). School was fine. We went to the museum and then we had a picnic lunch by the water.
Me: That sounds like fun. I love the museum. What did you like best?
Sam: I like the stone and metal people in the yard.
Me: Oh, I love the sculpture garden too. Do you have a favorite?
I like the ones which are round and smooth. They look happy.
Me: That must be the Henry Moore sculptures. Here let me get some photos of them on the laptop. Ahh… Here they are. Are these similar to the ones you like?
Sam: Yes. I love those Uncle Jim. Henry Maa…
Me: Henry Moore.
Sam: Uncle Jim, Susie’s mom is going to jail. Dustin said she is a criminal. Susie said that her mother is not like other criminals. She just got caught with being inside or something and is only a white something.
Me: A white-collar criminal. Yes, I read about that. She helps people invest their money and was accused of insider trading.
Sam: What is insider trading Uncle Jim? How is it different from outsider trading?
Me: Well, some companies sell portions of their business to other people. The parts they buy are called stocks. Here let me put this on the blackboard. This circle is the company that makes potato chips. The green dots are all the people who buy a part of the business in hopes that they will sell a lot of potato chips. If they sell a lot of chips then the company makes money and the people who bought parts or shares in the company make money. Let’s say that the people running the company decide to sell the company for a really high price. This bigger circle is the company which is going to buy this smaller circle. One of the people who runs the company tells someone like Susie’s mother who then buys a lot of the stock. Only the people who run the company and Susie’s mother knew that the stock was going to be sold and then worth a lot more money. Because Susie’s mother had information no one else had she made a lot more money than the other people who did not know the secret.
Sam: This is confusing Uncle Jim.
Me: Yes. Let’s use another example. Let’s say that one of the kids saw a copy of a test everyone in your class was going to take. She gives you a copy of the test and then both of you do really well on a very difficult test. You and the other person got an 100% and everyone else does very poorly. That would be cheating and would hurt everyone. If the teacher found out she would say that you and other person had inside information.
Sam: Well, that makes sense. I would not cheat Uncle Jim.
Me: Well I know that Sam, that but it would be easy to be tempted to cheat if you had not studied and you knew you were going to fail the test.
Sam: I feel bad when I get a bad grade.
Me: I know. But you know some nights you want to do something besides homework and you still want to get a good grade. It would be easier to cheat.
Sam: I know. When grandma was visiting I still had to study. Still, I would get in a lot of trouble if I cheated.
Me: Yes, it would not be the right thing to do.
Sam: You are saying that Susie’s mother cheated and now is going to jail Uncle Jim?
Me: Yes. She is a good person but gave in to the temptation to make some extra money quickly.
Sam: If she is going to jail she is still a criminal even though Susie said she was not like other criminals.
Me: Yes. Dustin was right but it was not kind of him to say what he said. Whether we cheat one way or another we are all the same. Robbers are people who cheat. Instead of working to earn money they take the money someone else has earned.
Sam: You are saying that Susie’s mom is the same as the person who robs.
Me: Yes. Even though we sometimes call the person who does something like insider trading a white-collar criminal, that hides the fact that what Susie’s mom did was basically to rob people in a different way.
Sam: But Susie’s mom always makes cookies when there is something special at school and invites me to swim in their pool. She is really nice. She cannot be like the robber who is not a nice person.
Me: Oh! How many robbers do you know Sam?
Sam: None, but on the television you can tell that they are bad people. They are not like Susie’s mother.
Me: If someone did not know you but knew you lied or cheated even one time they might think that you are just a liar or a cheater.
Sam: Now I am really confused Uncle Jim.
Me: We all can do some bad things. Sometimes some people get caught and go to jail. Then we may think that people in jail are just bad people. Dustin may think that all people who go to jail are bad. Susie may be be saying her mother is not like the other people in jail - that her mother is not a real criminal. What if we knew all the people in jail as well as we knew Susie’s mother?
Sam: Then it would be really difficult to know who is good and who is bad Uncle Jim.
Me: Yes, it seems as if calling someone a name such as a criminal does not allow us to get to know them. We can all be kind and unkind. We all make mistakes.
Sam: Can I go with Susie to see her mother? Would that be okay? Maybe we could make her cookies.
Me: That is really sweet Sam. Let’s give them a little time and then I will call Susie’s dad to see if that would be okay. We can also call the jail to find out if we are allowed to bring cookies. We may also be allowed to write to Susie’s mom.
Sam: Thanks Uncle Jim. Can I tell Dustin to just shut up and not talk about Susie’s mom?
Me: Well. (hiding a smile.) If we treat Dustin mean that would be just like Dustin talking mean about Susie’s mom .
Sam: Oh! I did not think of that. I have to be nice to Dustin too?
Me: It is really easy to understand how we can judge someone based on one behavior. Dustin judges Susie’s mom. We judge Dustin.
Sam: I did not think of that Uncle Jim.
Me: I know. Oh dear, look at the time. It is nearly your bedtime. Finish you milk and I will walk you home. I really enjoyed our visit.
Sam: Me too Uncle Jim (yawns). Remember when you would carry me home.
Me: Yes. Now you are big.
Sam: Too big to carry home?
Me: No. Would you like me to carry you home?
Sam: Yes, please. Just this once Uncle Jim.
Written May 25, 2016
The end of the school year is always a busy time for the kids, parents and teachers. There are tests, school-related performances, discussions, decisions to make about school in the fall, field trips and time with friends who are going to spend the summer with the non-custodial parent. My adopted niece and nephew, six-year-old Sam and twelve-year-old Paul have not spent much time at my house in the past few weeks. Neither had needed my help with homework and they were too busy to wonder about issues which their parents thought were best addressed by Uncle Jim. Receiving a call from Sam after school asking if she could come over was a pleasant surprise. Fortunately, we had anticipated this busy time of year and stowed away dozens of chocolate chip cookies in the freezer. Sam, Paul and I like them best when frozen and dunked in out hot chocolate or cold milk. Tonight it is still pretty warm and I have guessed that Sam will want chocolate milk.
I hear a light knock on the door and then the door opens.
Me: Hi Sam. How are you? How was school today?
Sam: Hi Uncle Jim (she gives me a hug and a kiss.). School was fine. We went to the museum and then we had a picnic lunch by the water.
Me: That sounds like fun. I love the museum. What did you like best?
Sam: I like the stone and metal people in the yard.
Me: Oh, I love the sculpture garden too. Do you have a favorite?
I like the ones which are round and smooth. They look happy.
Me: That must be the Henry Moore sculptures. Here let me get some photos of them on the laptop. Ahh… Here they are. Are these similar to the ones you like?
Sam: Yes. I love those Uncle Jim. Henry Maa…
Me: Henry Moore.
Sam: Uncle Jim, Susie’s mom is going to jail. Dustin said she is a criminal. Susie said that her mother is not like other criminals. She just got caught with being inside or something and is only a white something.
Me: A white-collar criminal. Yes, I read about that. She helps people invest their money and was accused of insider trading.
Sam: What is insider trading Uncle Jim? How is it different from outsider trading?
Me: Well, some companies sell portions of their business to other people. The parts they buy are called stocks. Here let me put this on the blackboard. This circle is the company that makes potato chips. The green dots are all the people who buy a part of the business in hopes that they will sell a lot of potato chips. If they sell a lot of chips then the company makes money and the people who bought parts or shares in the company make money. Let’s say that the people running the company decide to sell the company for a really high price. This bigger circle is the company which is going to buy this smaller circle. One of the people who runs the company tells someone like Susie’s mother who then buys a lot of the stock. Only the people who run the company and Susie’s mother knew that the stock was going to be sold and then worth a lot more money. Because Susie’s mother had information no one else had she made a lot more money than the other people who did not know the secret.
Sam: This is confusing Uncle Jim.
Me: Yes. Let’s use another example. Let’s say that one of the kids saw a copy of a test everyone in your class was going to take. She gives you a copy of the test and then both of you do really well on a very difficult test. You and the other person got an 100% and everyone else does very poorly. That would be cheating and would hurt everyone. If the teacher found out she would say that you and other person had inside information.
Sam: Well, that makes sense. I would not cheat Uncle Jim.
Me: Well I know that Sam, that but it would be easy to be tempted to cheat if you had not studied and you knew you were going to fail the test.
Sam: I feel bad when I get a bad grade.
Me: I know. But you know some nights you want to do something besides homework and you still want to get a good grade. It would be easier to cheat.
Sam: I know. When grandma was visiting I still had to study. Still, I would get in a lot of trouble if I cheated.
Me: Yes, it would not be the right thing to do.
Sam: You are saying that Susie’s mother cheated and now is going to jail Uncle Jim?
Me: Yes. She is a good person but gave in to the temptation to make some extra money quickly.
Sam: If she is going to jail she is still a criminal even though Susie said she was not like other criminals.
Me: Yes. Dustin was right but it was not kind of him to say what he said. Whether we cheat one way or another we are all the same. Robbers are people who cheat. Instead of working to earn money they take the money someone else has earned.
Sam: You are saying that Susie’s mom is the same as the person who robs.
Me: Yes. Even though we sometimes call the person who does something like insider trading a white-collar criminal, that hides the fact that what Susie’s mom did was basically to rob people in a different way.
Sam: But Susie’s mom always makes cookies when there is something special at school and invites me to swim in their pool. She is really nice. She cannot be like the robber who is not a nice person.
Me: Oh! How many robbers do you know Sam?
Sam: None, but on the television you can tell that they are bad people. They are not like Susie’s mother.
Me: If someone did not know you but knew you lied or cheated even one time they might think that you are just a liar or a cheater.
Sam: Now I am really confused Uncle Jim.
Me: We all can do some bad things. Sometimes some people get caught and go to jail. Then we may think that people in jail are just bad people. Dustin may think that all people who go to jail are bad. Susie may be be saying her mother is not like the other people in jail - that her mother is not a real criminal. What if we knew all the people in jail as well as we knew Susie’s mother?
Sam: Then it would be really difficult to know who is good and who is bad Uncle Jim.
Me: Yes, it seems as if calling someone a name such as a criminal does not allow us to get to know them. We can all be kind and unkind. We all make mistakes.
Sam: Can I go with Susie to see her mother? Would that be okay? Maybe we could make her cookies.
Me: That is really sweet Sam. Let’s give them a little time and then I will call Susie’s dad to see if that would be okay. We can also call the jail to find out if we are allowed to bring cookies. We may also be allowed to write to Susie’s mom.
Sam: Thanks Uncle Jim. Can I tell Dustin to just shut up and not talk about Susie’s mom?
Me: Well. (hiding a smile.) If we treat Dustin mean that would be just like Dustin talking mean about Susie’s mom .
Sam: Oh! I did not think of that. I have to be nice to Dustin too?
Me: It is really easy to understand how we can judge someone based on one behavior. Dustin judges Susie’s mom. We judge Dustin.
Sam: I did not think of that Uncle Jim.
Me: I know. Oh dear, look at the time. It is nearly your bedtime. Finish you milk and I will walk you home. I really enjoyed our visit.
Sam: Me too Uncle Jim (yawns). Remember when you would carry me home.
Me: Yes. Now you are big.
Sam: Too big to carry home?
Me: No. Would you like me to carry you home?
Sam: Yes, please. Just this once Uncle Jim.
Written May 25, 2016
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