School Bells – Current Affairs – Grade 1 – Week 11
As always I am excited to hear the results of the discussions the first grade students had with their families about the assigned topic. The previous week we had discussed why some people bully other people. This week we are to discuss the best way to respond to a bully.
The students are now arriving.
Me: Good morning class.
Class: Good morning Mr. Jim. Cookies?
Me: Yes, we have cookies. Steve and Susie will you please pass out the cookies.
They do so.
Me: I am eager to hear what you and your families think is the best way to respond to a bully.
Tommy: You said that the bully is scared or feels that they have to show how important they are.
Me: That is right Tommy.
Tommy: In our family sometimes I don’t want to talk about something or do something because I am scared or because I am busy. Then I might get angry.
Me: Okay. How does the family respond?
Tommy: Not just me. The rule in our family is if anyone gets angry give them a little times and space.
Me: Then what happens?
Tommy: Usually when no one is paying any attention I realize that I need to talk. Then I feel better and I do whatever I need to do.
Me: That is great. Everyone in the family has agreed to this?
Tommy: Yes. At first I did not like talking and even now I am not comfortable, but I realized that even mom and dad are not always comfortable talking.
Me: That is great. How about the rest of you?
Susie: I used to try to bully my little brother and then mom and dad called a family meeting. They wanted to know if it was okay if they treated me the way I was treating my little brother. No way I said. That would not be fair. They are bigger than me. Then they asked how that was different than the fact that I was bigger and scarier to my little brother. I said, “I don’t know.” They said that we would have a new rule that it was not okay for the bigger people to bully the smaller people. In our family the same rules apply to everyone. Well, not always. I am not allowed to drive or have a glass of wine.
Me: There are some age appropriate rules or rules based on ability. You are not old enough to drive a car or to drink alcohol.
In your family it is not okay for anyone to bully but if someone slips they temporarily give them a little time and space and then you talk about whether this is a good way for everyone in the family to behave.
What about other families?
Sam: In our family if someone gets angry or tries to be mean to another person, no one gets angry back. It is kind of like Steve’s family. We know that the angry person is tired or scared of something. If I am mad everyone is just really nice and pretends that I am talking about being scared or whatever I am feeling.
Me: How does that feel Sam?
Sam: At first I get madder because I know that everyone knows what I am feeling. Then I feel dumb because no one is fooled.
Me: Is the same thing true if mom and dad are angry?
Sam: When they are tired or worried about money or something they say that they are feeling worried or grumpy. Sometimes they draw a picture on the white board of a mean looking person. Paul and I do that too. That way everyone knows that we are having a difficult time and they just leave us alone. It is funny that once you admit that you are just tired or worried you do not get angry at others in the family.
Me: Yes, or if you do, they know you are just having a difficult time and are very loving.
Tara: What if it is not in the family? Sometime kids in other classes get hit and get hurt.
Me: That is true. What should be do then?
Steve: Sometimes the other kids hit the person who hit the other kid.
Me: Does that seem to work Steve?
Steve: Sometimes. I am pretty big and if I tell someone not to be mean they stop.
Me: So that temporarily solves the problem but why doesn’t it work long term?
Steve: My dad says that only works until someone can figure out how to be bigger or more powerful. For example, sometimes people, even kids, get a gun. Then the kid with the gun is bigger or scarier for a time.
Me: Very good Steve. So that only works for a short time. Long term no one gets better.
Ahmes: But what about when countries are the bully?
Me: What do you think Ahmes?
Ahmes: Sometimes in my country people do not back down and are put in jail. Then it seems as if the bully is winning.
Tommy: Countries bomb each other.
Me: Do you think that works Tommy?
Tommy: If you kill all the bad people that seems to work.
Me: It seems as if we have been killing those we label bad for a long time and there is still a lot of fighting going on.
Tara: Uncle Jim are you saying we should not kill the bad people?
Me: I am asking if we need to find another way which works better long term.
Sue: This is very confusing Mr. Jim.
Me: Did Dr. Martin Luther King and Nelson Mandela practice another way?
Susie: Non-violence protest.
Me: Yes, they still stood up against bullying but they did so in a loving way.
Ahmes: Why would you want to be loving to a mean person Mr. Jim?
Sam: Because we want to show them another way?
Me: Very good Sam. It sounds as if you are saying that we can either act like the bully by being mean or we can do our best to show them there is another way.
Steve: Could wo do that as a country Mr. Jim?
Me: That is a good question. Just this morning I was listening to a Ted Talk by Ian Bremmer who is suggesting just that. He is saying the United States could lead by example of showing a more peaceful way – a non-violent approach to solving problems.
Sam: The presidential candidates are not doing that.
Me: No, they do not seem to be doing so. We are near the end of the class. Sam and Ahmes suppose you pass out another cookie to everyone while we summarize what we have suggested. Everyone help here and I will write on the board.
Class:
· Treat the bully as a scared person.
· Give the bully some space when possible.
· Get the help of an adult.
· Do not act like the bully.
· Think what else might be going on with the bully.
· Stand up non-violently.
· Ask what it would be like if we all acted like bullies when we are scared, tired or not feeling good.
· Let others know you are having a difficult day without being mean.
· Talk.
Me: Very good class. You students are going to make really fine leaders. For next week since it is getting close to the presidential election how about each of you make up a presidential candidate and then pretend to be that person and talk about a problem you would try to fix if you were president. I will send home this suggestion as well as all the ways you suggested dealing with the bully. It seems as if we also ended up talking about when we are the bully as well as when someone else is the bully.
Have a good week.
Write October 26, 2016
As always I am excited to hear the results of the discussions the first grade students had with their families about the assigned topic. The previous week we had discussed why some people bully other people. This week we are to discuss the best way to respond to a bully.
The students are now arriving.
Me: Good morning class.
Class: Good morning Mr. Jim. Cookies?
Me: Yes, we have cookies. Steve and Susie will you please pass out the cookies.
They do so.
Me: I am eager to hear what you and your families think is the best way to respond to a bully.
Tommy: You said that the bully is scared or feels that they have to show how important they are.
Me: That is right Tommy.
Tommy: In our family sometimes I don’t want to talk about something or do something because I am scared or because I am busy. Then I might get angry.
Me: Okay. How does the family respond?
Tommy: Not just me. The rule in our family is if anyone gets angry give them a little times and space.
Me: Then what happens?
Tommy: Usually when no one is paying any attention I realize that I need to talk. Then I feel better and I do whatever I need to do.
Me: That is great. Everyone in the family has agreed to this?
Tommy: Yes. At first I did not like talking and even now I am not comfortable, but I realized that even mom and dad are not always comfortable talking.
Me: That is great. How about the rest of you?
Susie: I used to try to bully my little brother and then mom and dad called a family meeting. They wanted to know if it was okay if they treated me the way I was treating my little brother. No way I said. That would not be fair. They are bigger than me. Then they asked how that was different than the fact that I was bigger and scarier to my little brother. I said, “I don’t know.” They said that we would have a new rule that it was not okay for the bigger people to bully the smaller people. In our family the same rules apply to everyone. Well, not always. I am not allowed to drive or have a glass of wine.
Me: There are some age appropriate rules or rules based on ability. You are not old enough to drive a car or to drink alcohol.
In your family it is not okay for anyone to bully but if someone slips they temporarily give them a little time and space and then you talk about whether this is a good way for everyone in the family to behave.
What about other families?
Sam: In our family if someone gets angry or tries to be mean to another person, no one gets angry back. It is kind of like Steve’s family. We know that the angry person is tired or scared of something. If I am mad everyone is just really nice and pretends that I am talking about being scared or whatever I am feeling.
Me: How does that feel Sam?
Sam: At first I get madder because I know that everyone knows what I am feeling. Then I feel dumb because no one is fooled.
Me: Is the same thing true if mom and dad are angry?
Sam: When they are tired or worried about money or something they say that they are feeling worried or grumpy. Sometimes they draw a picture on the white board of a mean looking person. Paul and I do that too. That way everyone knows that we are having a difficult time and they just leave us alone. It is funny that once you admit that you are just tired or worried you do not get angry at others in the family.
Me: Yes, or if you do, they know you are just having a difficult time and are very loving.
Tara: What if it is not in the family? Sometime kids in other classes get hit and get hurt.
Me: That is true. What should be do then?
Steve: Sometimes the other kids hit the person who hit the other kid.
Me: Does that seem to work Steve?
Steve: Sometimes. I am pretty big and if I tell someone not to be mean they stop.
Me: So that temporarily solves the problem but why doesn’t it work long term?
Steve: My dad says that only works until someone can figure out how to be bigger or more powerful. For example, sometimes people, even kids, get a gun. Then the kid with the gun is bigger or scarier for a time.
Me: Very good Steve. So that only works for a short time. Long term no one gets better.
Ahmes: But what about when countries are the bully?
Me: What do you think Ahmes?
Ahmes: Sometimes in my country people do not back down and are put in jail. Then it seems as if the bully is winning.
Tommy: Countries bomb each other.
Me: Do you think that works Tommy?
Tommy: If you kill all the bad people that seems to work.
Me: It seems as if we have been killing those we label bad for a long time and there is still a lot of fighting going on.
Tara: Uncle Jim are you saying we should not kill the bad people?
Me: I am asking if we need to find another way which works better long term.
Sue: This is very confusing Mr. Jim.
Me: Did Dr. Martin Luther King and Nelson Mandela practice another way?
Susie: Non-violence protest.
Me: Yes, they still stood up against bullying but they did so in a loving way.
Ahmes: Why would you want to be loving to a mean person Mr. Jim?
Sam: Because we want to show them another way?
Me: Very good Sam. It sounds as if you are saying that we can either act like the bully by being mean or we can do our best to show them there is another way.
Steve: Could wo do that as a country Mr. Jim?
Me: That is a good question. Just this morning I was listening to a Ted Talk by Ian Bremmer who is suggesting just that. He is saying the United States could lead by example of showing a more peaceful way – a non-violent approach to solving problems.
Sam: The presidential candidates are not doing that.
Me: No, they do not seem to be doing so. We are near the end of the class. Sam and Ahmes suppose you pass out another cookie to everyone while we summarize what we have suggested. Everyone help here and I will write on the board.
Class:
· Treat the bully as a scared person.
· Give the bully some space when possible.
· Get the help of an adult.
· Do not act like the bully.
· Think what else might be going on with the bully.
· Stand up non-violently.
· Ask what it would be like if we all acted like bullies when we are scared, tired or not feeling good.
· Let others know you are having a difficult day without being mean.
· Talk.
Me: Very good class. You students are going to make really fine leaders. For next week since it is getting close to the presidential election how about each of you make up a presidential candidate and then pretend to be that person and talk about a problem you would try to fix if you were president. I will send home this suggestion as well as all the ways you suggested dealing with the bully. It seems as if we also ended up talking about when we are the bully as well as when someone else is the bully.
Have a good week.
Write October 26, 2016
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