School Bells - Current Affairs – Grade 8 – Week 21
Etiquette – What does it mean? Who decides?
One of the subjects which the eighth grade students and their families suggested for discussion was etiquette. What is it? Who decides the rules?
I am looking forward to meeting with the students to learn how they and their families approached this subject.
I hear the students arriving.
Me: Good morning class.
Class: Good morning Mr. Jim. Cookies?
Me: No cookies. Next week. I promise. I am eager to hear what you and your families think about etiquette. What does it mean? Who decides?
When I was growing up, I recall learning that etiquette generally referred to rules for behavior in social situations other than the ‘down home” behavior expected at family or community gatherings. The authority to which I was referred was Emily Post. Her book on etiquette came out in 1922. Many households had a copy of her book and, if not, the local library was sure to have one.
In the 1970ies, Judith Martin, better known as Ms. Manners, was the authority for the everyday person.
I think it was the United States Navy who first introduced me to the concept of protocol which I understood to refer to etiquette – that behavior which was appropriate when one was visiting or dealing with people from other countries and cultures. When I was appointed a Midshipman in the United States Naval Academy, I was introduced to the rules which determined the behavior of an officer and gentleman. The first day of the Academy those of us who were coming from the ranks of the enlisted service were informed: “You men are not just nobody anymore. You are officers and gentlemen.” Clearly we were to learn that those who were now served meals by lowly enlisted men while we sat at 12-person tables in our dress uniforms were special and had rules to show we were special.
Apparently, recently when the president of Taiwan was meeting with Governor Greg Abbott and they exchanged gifts, Governor Abbott was not briefed on the symbolism of his gift of a clock. “According to the Taiwan news, the phrase “giving a clock…is a homophone with ‘attending a funeral,’ expressing an untimely demise for the recipient.” Clearly neither the Governor nor his aides checked with Ms. Manners or Ms. Post who surely would have advised them to ensure that their choice of gift did not have particular meanings in the Taiwan culture.
I do not know that any of us will be in a similar position one day, but we certainly could be. If you met the love of your life and he or she was from a different culture such as Taiwan one certainly would not want to give an offensive gift to the parents of your intended!
Who wants to share?
Paul: We started as you always tell us Uncle Jim. We looked up the word in the Merriam Webster dictionary. We found:
“One definition of the French word étiquette is "ticket" or "label attached to something for identification." In 16th-century Spain, the French word was borrowed (and altered to "etiqueta") to refer to the written protocols describing orders of precedence and behavior demanded of those who appeared in court. Eventually, "etiqueta" came to be applied to the court ceremonies themselves as well as the documents which outlined the requirements for them. Interestingly, this then led to French speakers of the time attributing the second sense of "proper behavior" to their "étiquette," and in the middle of the 18th century English speakers finally adopted both the word and the second meaning from the French.” (patch.com)
Then mom suggested we look up the word manners which we did on line at dictionary.com. We found:
1125-75; Middle English manere < Anglo-French; Old French maniere ≪ Vulgar Latin *manuāria, noun use of feminine of manuārius handy, convenient ( Latin: of, pertaining to the hand). See manus, -er2
We decided that etiquette means behavior which is handy or expected in certain circumstances.
Me: What do your folks think it is important to learn about etiquette Paul?
Paul: They said it was important for Sam and me to learn what is expected in certain situations so that we will not draw unwanted attention to ourselves For example, mom talked about what one is to wear if one is arguing a case before the United States Supreme Court. One wants the justices to hear what one has to say and not to pay attention to what one is wearing.
Ann: I heard one lawyer wore everything but the right shoes. He wore sneakers. I also heard that women are told not to wear open toe shoes to court if they are a lawyer. Some people think that too much attention is paid to how women dress in court.
Me: Paul, thanks for information. Ann you bring up the issue of whether there are different rules for men and women because of how we have generally viewed women.
Ann: My Aunt Betty was visiting us. She is a lawyer and she says that she has always been criticized for looking took sexy or too plain and not respectful.
Me: It sounds as if some rules of etiquette can go back to suggesting a class distinction or a gender distinction.
Abdul: We talked about the difference between rules of convenience and rules to make it seem as some people are better than others.
Me: That is a great point Abdul.
Will: In the African American community sometimes if we act a certain way we are accused of trying to act like white people.
Me: Good point Will. I recall that some behavior in the Tlingit Community of Hoonah such as keeping a perfect lawn would be seen as acting like the white man. The white people thought that their ways showed that they were superior.
Amena: My parents and I decided that it was nice to know the rules but to not take them seriously. For example, dad set the table with 4 forks, three different size spoons and two knives. He said it was important to learn to feel comfortable if one was seated at a table with that much silverware.
Susie: All I want to know is who had to wash, dry and put away all that silverware.
(The students laugh.)
Me: Good point. Who did do the cleaning up when there was lots of silverware and dishes?
John: We talked about that. A lot of people had servants.
Tom: In our family we have to say please and thank you. When talking to adults we children are expected to say mam or madam and sir.
Amena: In some cultures they bow and in some they hug and air kiss.
Me: So there are a lot of different behaviors which we can learn to show respect to different people. Do these kinds of behaviors tell us who is a good person?
Ann: No, not exactly, but some behaviors tell us if we care about each other. Is that etiquette also?
Me: I think so. I appreciate things like please and thank you. I also love it when I get handwritten thank you notes, but that alone does not tell me whether someone is a good person.
I recall a quote from Samuel Clements who we know a Mark Twain. He said something like: The truly educated person is one who can be comfortable with hobos all day and then go to dinner at the White house and be comfortable. He or she knows they belong both places with both set of people. (I could not find this quote and I may be misquoting or attributing it to the wrong person.)
Ring! Ring! Ring!
Me: Goodness that time with fast. Great job. Thank you. You have a list of topics. Next week we will be discussing what it means to be patriotic when one can change countries.
Written January 10, 2017
Etiquette – What does it mean? Who decides?
One of the subjects which the eighth grade students and their families suggested for discussion was etiquette. What is it? Who decides the rules?
I am looking forward to meeting with the students to learn how they and their families approached this subject.
I hear the students arriving.
Me: Good morning class.
Class: Good morning Mr. Jim. Cookies?
Me: No cookies. Next week. I promise. I am eager to hear what you and your families think about etiquette. What does it mean? Who decides?
When I was growing up, I recall learning that etiquette generally referred to rules for behavior in social situations other than the ‘down home” behavior expected at family or community gatherings. The authority to which I was referred was Emily Post. Her book on etiquette came out in 1922. Many households had a copy of her book and, if not, the local library was sure to have one.
In the 1970ies, Judith Martin, better known as Ms. Manners, was the authority for the everyday person.
I think it was the United States Navy who first introduced me to the concept of protocol which I understood to refer to etiquette – that behavior which was appropriate when one was visiting or dealing with people from other countries and cultures. When I was appointed a Midshipman in the United States Naval Academy, I was introduced to the rules which determined the behavior of an officer and gentleman. The first day of the Academy those of us who were coming from the ranks of the enlisted service were informed: “You men are not just nobody anymore. You are officers and gentlemen.” Clearly we were to learn that those who were now served meals by lowly enlisted men while we sat at 12-person tables in our dress uniforms were special and had rules to show we were special.
Apparently, recently when the president of Taiwan was meeting with Governor Greg Abbott and they exchanged gifts, Governor Abbott was not briefed on the symbolism of his gift of a clock. “According to the Taiwan news, the phrase “giving a clock…is a homophone with ‘attending a funeral,’ expressing an untimely demise for the recipient.” Clearly neither the Governor nor his aides checked with Ms. Manners or Ms. Post who surely would have advised them to ensure that their choice of gift did not have particular meanings in the Taiwan culture.
I do not know that any of us will be in a similar position one day, but we certainly could be. If you met the love of your life and he or she was from a different culture such as Taiwan one certainly would not want to give an offensive gift to the parents of your intended!
Who wants to share?
Paul: We started as you always tell us Uncle Jim. We looked up the word in the Merriam Webster dictionary. We found:
“One definition of the French word étiquette is "ticket" or "label attached to something for identification." In 16th-century Spain, the French word was borrowed (and altered to "etiqueta") to refer to the written protocols describing orders of precedence and behavior demanded of those who appeared in court. Eventually, "etiqueta" came to be applied to the court ceremonies themselves as well as the documents which outlined the requirements for them. Interestingly, this then led to French speakers of the time attributing the second sense of "proper behavior" to their "étiquette," and in the middle of the 18th century English speakers finally adopted both the word and the second meaning from the French.” (patch.com)
Then mom suggested we look up the word manners which we did on line at dictionary.com. We found:
1125-75; Middle English manere < Anglo-French; Old French maniere ≪ Vulgar Latin *manuāria, noun use of feminine of manuārius handy, convenient ( Latin: of, pertaining to the hand). See manus, -er2
We decided that etiquette means behavior which is handy or expected in certain circumstances.
Me: What do your folks think it is important to learn about etiquette Paul?
Paul: They said it was important for Sam and me to learn what is expected in certain situations so that we will not draw unwanted attention to ourselves For example, mom talked about what one is to wear if one is arguing a case before the United States Supreme Court. One wants the justices to hear what one has to say and not to pay attention to what one is wearing.
Ann: I heard one lawyer wore everything but the right shoes. He wore sneakers. I also heard that women are told not to wear open toe shoes to court if they are a lawyer. Some people think that too much attention is paid to how women dress in court.
Me: Paul, thanks for information. Ann you bring up the issue of whether there are different rules for men and women because of how we have generally viewed women.
Ann: My Aunt Betty was visiting us. She is a lawyer and she says that she has always been criticized for looking took sexy or too plain and not respectful.
Me: It sounds as if some rules of etiquette can go back to suggesting a class distinction or a gender distinction.
Abdul: We talked about the difference between rules of convenience and rules to make it seem as some people are better than others.
Me: That is a great point Abdul.
Will: In the African American community sometimes if we act a certain way we are accused of trying to act like white people.
Me: Good point Will. I recall that some behavior in the Tlingit Community of Hoonah such as keeping a perfect lawn would be seen as acting like the white man. The white people thought that their ways showed that they were superior.
Amena: My parents and I decided that it was nice to know the rules but to not take them seriously. For example, dad set the table with 4 forks, three different size spoons and two knives. He said it was important to learn to feel comfortable if one was seated at a table with that much silverware.
Susie: All I want to know is who had to wash, dry and put away all that silverware.
(The students laugh.)
Me: Good point. Who did do the cleaning up when there was lots of silverware and dishes?
John: We talked about that. A lot of people had servants.
Tom: In our family we have to say please and thank you. When talking to adults we children are expected to say mam or madam and sir.
Amena: In some cultures they bow and in some they hug and air kiss.
Me: So there are a lot of different behaviors which we can learn to show respect to different people. Do these kinds of behaviors tell us who is a good person?
Ann: No, not exactly, but some behaviors tell us if we care about each other. Is that etiquette also?
Me: I think so. I appreciate things like please and thank you. I also love it when I get handwritten thank you notes, but that alone does not tell me whether someone is a good person.
I recall a quote from Samuel Clements who we know a Mark Twain. He said something like: The truly educated person is one who can be comfortable with hobos all day and then go to dinner at the White house and be comfortable. He or she knows they belong both places with both set of people. (I could not find this quote and I may be misquoting or attributing it to the wrong person.)
Ring! Ring! Ring!
Me: Goodness that time with fast. Great job. Thank you. You have a list of topics. Next week we will be discussing what it means to be patriotic when one can change countries.
Written January 10, 2017
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