School Bells – Current Affairs – Grade 8 – Week 8
Tuesday, October 4 I met with the 8th grade students for the 8th time this semester to discuss current affairs. I had suggested that the students talk with their families about the fact that there is so much violence in families - a place which we want to think of as our safe places. I have put the following statistics from the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (ncadv.org) on the board:
Here comes the class now.
Me: Good morning class.
Class: Good morning Mr. Jim.
Me: Before we start on the topic does anyone have any other concerns.
Paul: My family and I were worried about my grandparents who live in Florida near where the hurricane is going to visit. They arrived last night and will stay with us until it is safe for them to return. We are glad that they are here.
Will: My cousins were supposed to go to Disney tomorrow but now are not going.
Susie: My Aunt and Uncle are near Tampa and should be okay but I am still worried. That is a really, really big wind!
Me: It certainly is. I certainly hope that everyone you know is safe. Many churches and other organizations will be having fund raisers to help folks in Hatti and other places where a lot of people have lost their homes. I hope all of us will help in any way we can.
Did everyone have a chance to talk to their families about the topic of domestic violence? What does the term domestic violence mean?
Ann: It means violence from family members or other people we know.
Me: Yes, I think that is a good definition. So it can mean someone we live with, someone who is visiting or even someone we are dating. It can mean someone we are temporarily living with such as with other people in a dorm room or even a tent or building we are sharing with others such as in the military.
Will: Are those numbers on the board accurate Mr. Jim.
Me: Yes, even though I am not sure what year they were gathered. I checked a news site and some other sites for 2015 and the numbers were about the same.
Will: That is scary Mr. Jim.
Me: Yes it is. So 1/3 of the women in this class and at least ¼ of the men in this class will experience domestic violence of some sort. Let’s just count off from 1 to 3.
The class quickly counts off.
Me: Okay. All the threes get over here. All the threes will experience domestic violence. Even if we make it the number reported for men that is still a lot of us. It seems in this class that all of us treat each other really well. How is it possible that some of us will get violent with someone we know and possibly love and some of us will experience the violence?
John: In our family it is not okay to hit. Even when I hit my sister once I had to apologize and I had to give a speech to the whole family at dinner about why it was wrong and why it happened. That was really embarrassing
Me: Do you want to share what you said John?
John: Well I said I was sorry and that it was not right to hit no matter what.
Me: What did you say about why you hit her John.
John: Oh! At first I said I hit her because she made me so mad! She took a magazine from under my mattress and showed my parents. I was really embarrassed.
Me: That would certainly upset most of us.
John: I was really mad and thought if I hit her she would not do it again.
Me: Ahh. So you wanted to control her actions in the future? Can we write on the board that control is one of the purposes of domestic violence?
Ann: But was it because he was afraid of getting embarrassed again?
John: Yes, I did not want anyone to know I was reading that magazine?
Ann: Mr. Jim is the reason fear or control?
Me: Great question.
Paul: John, did you want to control because you were afraid of it happening again.
John: Yes.
Me: What did your family say about not respecting privacy or about the magazine.
John: I did not get into trouble because of the magazine although the family said we would talk about the use of pornography sometime. I do not want to do that. My sister also had to write a paper about respecting privacy and then also read it to the family at dinner.
Me: Do all of us get mad and feel like hitting someone or something some of the time?
Susie: I get mad at myself when I get a bad grade because I did not do my homework.
Abdul: I get mad when someone makes fun of my religion.
Will: I get really mad when someone is mean to my animal.
Ann: I get mad when my parents treat me like a child.
Me: I sometimes get mad when I make a mistake or am someone is mistreating a child. Sometimes when I am really tired I get mad more quickly.
Paul: In our family we talked about getting grumpy if any of us are tired, hungry or both. Sometimes when we go to the amusement park and come home late we are really grumpy with each other. That does not make sense since we had a really fun day. Why is that Uncle Jim?
Me: I think when we are tried, hungry, or even worried our brain says it wants to be on vacation because we have not fed it with food, rest or a solution. When our brains have feels overloaded it I think we may unconsciously use anger to push away more work for her brain. Is anger a pushing away behavior?
Ann: Yes, I do not want to get close to anyone when they are angry
Me: So the anger can be a way to try to control giving the brain more jobs to do. Shall we write over loaded brain on the list of causes or reasons why we get angry?
Class: Yes. Tried brain!
Me: So it is easy to see why we get angry. How does anger lead to violence?
Abdul: If we think the other person causes us to be angry we want to make them stop.
Ann: Sometimes it feels good to hit something when I am angry. I am sorry afterwards.
Me: The hitting can be something to so with the angry frustration.
Susie: Does not make it right Mr. Jim?
John: I do not think it is right but if someone is really our enemy it is okay to kill them.
Me: John you have raised another issue which I think need to talk about but let’s stick to domestic violence for now. The family is not our enemy.
Will: My sister is!
Me: I am sure it feels that way sometimes but what how would you feel if someone tried to hurt your sister Will?
Will: I would get really mad.
Me: Even though she is your enemy Will?
Will: She is not but it feels that way some of the time Mr. Jim.
Me: I am hearing the class say that fear and control are two of the emotions which can lead to domestic violence. If that is true that we need to think about what else, we can do when we are fearful or feel like we want or need to control a person or a situation. We are not going to have time to do that today, but let’s do that next week. Let me write down the assignment and make copies.
I quickly type out: What are acceptable, non-harmful ways to deal with emotions such as fear and anger? What can we do when our brain is too tired to think or do any more work for the day?
Then I make copies.
Me; Susie and Tom: will you pass these out please.
Susie and Tom take the slips and pass the out.
Me: Great job class. Have a good week. I hope no one gets hurt with the hurricane.
Ring! Ring! Ring!
Written October 6, 2016
Tuesday, October 4 I met with the 8th grade students for the 8th time this semester to discuss current affairs. I had suggested that the students talk with their families about the fact that there is so much violence in families - a place which we want to think of as our safe places. I have put the following statistics from the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (ncadv.org) on the board:
- Every 9 seconds in the US a woman is assaulted or beaten.
- In the United States, an average of 20 people is physically abused by intimate partner every minute.
- 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men have been physically abused by an intimate partner
- 1 in 5 women and one in 7 men have been severely physically abused by an intimate partner.
- Domestic violence results in lost days off work
- Domestic violence increases health care cost – mental and physical
- Domestic violence increases need for and cost of police and court costs
- Domestic violence affects both parenting and how children function in school
- Domestic violence also escalates into murder.
- Domestic violence is present in all socio-economic and professional groups.
- Domestic violence against men is also very common although reported a little less often than for women.
Here comes the class now.
Me: Good morning class.
Class: Good morning Mr. Jim.
Me: Before we start on the topic does anyone have any other concerns.
Paul: My family and I were worried about my grandparents who live in Florida near where the hurricane is going to visit. They arrived last night and will stay with us until it is safe for them to return. We are glad that they are here.
Will: My cousins were supposed to go to Disney tomorrow but now are not going.
Susie: My Aunt and Uncle are near Tampa and should be okay but I am still worried. That is a really, really big wind!
Me: It certainly is. I certainly hope that everyone you know is safe. Many churches and other organizations will be having fund raisers to help folks in Hatti and other places where a lot of people have lost their homes. I hope all of us will help in any way we can.
Did everyone have a chance to talk to their families about the topic of domestic violence? What does the term domestic violence mean?
Ann: It means violence from family members or other people we know.
Me: Yes, I think that is a good definition. So it can mean someone we live with, someone who is visiting or even someone we are dating. It can mean someone we are temporarily living with such as with other people in a dorm room or even a tent or building we are sharing with others such as in the military.
Will: Are those numbers on the board accurate Mr. Jim.
Me: Yes, even though I am not sure what year they were gathered. I checked a news site and some other sites for 2015 and the numbers were about the same.
Will: That is scary Mr. Jim.
Me: Yes it is. So 1/3 of the women in this class and at least ¼ of the men in this class will experience domestic violence of some sort. Let’s just count off from 1 to 3.
The class quickly counts off.
Me: Okay. All the threes get over here. All the threes will experience domestic violence. Even if we make it the number reported for men that is still a lot of us. It seems in this class that all of us treat each other really well. How is it possible that some of us will get violent with someone we know and possibly love and some of us will experience the violence?
John: In our family it is not okay to hit. Even when I hit my sister once I had to apologize and I had to give a speech to the whole family at dinner about why it was wrong and why it happened. That was really embarrassing
Me: Do you want to share what you said John?
John: Well I said I was sorry and that it was not right to hit no matter what.
Me: What did you say about why you hit her John.
John: Oh! At first I said I hit her because she made me so mad! She took a magazine from under my mattress and showed my parents. I was really embarrassed.
Me: That would certainly upset most of us.
John: I was really mad and thought if I hit her she would not do it again.
Me: Ahh. So you wanted to control her actions in the future? Can we write on the board that control is one of the purposes of domestic violence?
Ann: But was it because he was afraid of getting embarrassed again?
John: Yes, I did not want anyone to know I was reading that magazine?
Ann: Mr. Jim is the reason fear or control?
Me: Great question.
Paul: John, did you want to control because you were afraid of it happening again.
John: Yes.
Me: What did your family say about not respecting privacy or about the magazine.
John: I did not get into trouble because of the magazine although the family said we would talk about the use of pornography sometime. I do not want to do that. My sister also had to write a paper about respecting privacy and then also read it to the family at dinner.
Me: Do all of us get mad and feel like hitting someone or something some of the time?
Susie: I get mad at myself when I get a bad grade because I did not do my homework.
Abdul: I get mad when someone makes fun of my religion.
Will: I get really mad when someone is mean to my animal.
Ann: I get mad when my parents treat me like a child.
Me: I sometimes get mad when I make a mistake or am someone is mistreating a child. Sometimes when I am really tired I get mad more quickly.
Paul: In our family we talked about getting grumpy if any of us are tired, hungry or both. Sometimes when we go to the amusement park and come home late we are really grumpy with each other. That does not make sense since we had a really fun day. Why is that Uncle Jim?
Me: I think when we are tried, hungry, or even worried our brain says it wants to be on vacation because we have not fed it with food, rest or a solution. When our brains have feels overloaded it I think we may unconsciously use anger to push away more work for her brain. Is anger a pushing away behavior?
Ann: Yes, I do not want to get close to anyone when they are angry
Me: So the anger can be a way to try to control giving the brain more jobs to do. Shall we write over loaded brain on the list of causes or reasons why we get angry?
Class: Yes. Tried brain!
Me: So it is easy to see why we get angry. How does anger lead to violence?
Abdul: If we think the other person causes us to be angry we want to make them stop.
Ann: Sometimes it feels good to hit something when I am angry. I am sorry afterwards.
Me: The hitting can be something to so with the angry frustration.
Susie: Does not make it right Mr. Jim?
John: I do not think it is right but if someone is really our enemy it is okay to kill them.
Me: John you have raised another issue which I think need to talk about but let’s stick to domestic violence for now. The family is not our enemy.
Will: My sister is!
Me: I am sure it feels that way sometimes but what how would you feel if someone tried to hurt your sister Will?
Will: I would get really mad.
Me: Even though she is your enemy Will?
Will: She is not but it feels that way some of the time Mr. Jim.
Me: I am hearing the class say that fear and control are two of the emotions which can lead to domestic violence. If that is true that we need to think about what else, we can do when we are fearful or feel like we want or need to control a person or a situation. We are not going to have time to do that today, but let’s do that next week. Let me write down the assignment and make copies.
I quickly type out: What are acceptable, non-harmful ways to deal with emotions such as fear and anger? What can we do when our brain is too tired to think or do any more work for the day?
Then I make copies.
Me; Susie and Tom: will you pass these out please.
Susie and Tom take the slips and pass the out.
Me: Great job class. Have a good week. I hope no one gets hurt with the hurricane.
Ring! Ring! Ring!
Written October 6, 2016
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