Searching for self
It seems that many, if not most of us, find our sense of self by comparing ourselves to other humans. We define ourselves as being more of less intelligent, more or less powerful, more or less sexier, younger, older, possessor of more or fewer degrees from the best institutions, taller or shorter, the owner of more or less toys, healthier, more or less endowed, more or less spiritual or having more or less status. We are more or less hurtful, more or less sinful, more or less arrogant, more or less self-righteous.
It may be difficult to imagine a world devoid of such comparisons. We construct barriers composed of social constructs and then collectively agree to treat them as real indicators of who is more or less deserving of love, housing, food, health care and even knowledge.
I sit in the Dallas-Fort Worth airport which is even more crowded than usual due to an unusual number of weather related flight delays and cancelations. I could easily sit here and make assumptions about individuals based on age, weight, apparent race or color, spoken language, clothes, jewelry, or general demeanor. I could, based on some of these social constructs, invent lives for all of these individuals, couples and other groupings. Unless I engage in a conversation I will learn nothing real or important about them. I could make guesses based on my observations by how they interact with others. For example, earlier I was chatting with an Asian family consisting of two apparent teenagers, two adults whom a young, bored, energetic child seemed to relate to as his parents. I was impressed by how patient the teenagers and the adults were with the young child despite apparent signs of fatigue. I have no idea of how many flight delays they had experienced that day. I do not know if they are citizens of this country, refugees feeling some form of oppression, wealthy citizens on a holiday or winner of a free trip. I do not know their social status or criminal history, if any. In short their appearance and their behavior told me nothing except that they in this moment of time in this public place are seemingly patient, kind and affectionate. The young child attempts to explain to what a newt is. I do not understand.
I have no basis for comparison even if I had a sophisticated system for assignment of quality life points based on social constructs. All those in the airport do appear to be live humans and not robots.
If I am totally honest I will notice myself silently comparing individuals or groups with myself and each other. I will judge myself and them as more or less attractive, more or less educated, more or less wealthy. I could then easily, based on these assumptions assign relative worth to each of us.
What if, in truth, we are all equally worthwhile? What if we all have some gifts and some limitations? What if we have all been kind and all been hurtful? What if we take the risk of, for a moment, letting go of the comparisons and appreciate each other for who we are? What if even those who are not able to experience empathy or love, through no fault of their own, are equally worth our unconditional love even if they need to be in a secure space?
Social constructs are learned behavior. We may have the best of intentions in sometimes using social constructs to explain surface behavior. Yet, perceived differences have more to do with our own fears and insecurities than with the other person(s).
Written July 10, 2018
It seems that many, if not most of us, find our sense of self by comparing ourselves to other humans. We define ourselves as being more of less intelligent, more or less powerful, more or less sexier, younger, older, possessor of more or fewer degrees from the best institutions, taller or shorter, the owner of more or less toys, healthier, more or less endowed, more or less spiritual or having more or less status. We are more or less hurtful, more or less sinful, more or less arrogant, more or less self-righteous.
It may be difficult to imagine a world devoid of such comparisons. We construct barriers composed of social constructs and then collectively agree to treat them as real indicators of who is more or less deserving of love, housing, food, health care and even knowledge.
I sit in the Dallas-Fort Worth airport which is even more crowded than usual due to an unusual number of weather related flight delays and cancelations. I could easily sit here and make assumptions about individuals based on age, weight, apparent race or color, spoken language, clothes, jewelry, or general demeanor. I could, based on some of these social constructs, invent lives for all of these individuals, couples and other groupings. Unless I engage in a conversation I will learn nothing real or important about them. I could make guesses based on my observations by how they interact with others. For example, earlier I was chatting with an Asian family consisting of two apparent teenagers, two adults whom a young, bored, energetic child seemed to relate to as his parents. I was impressed by how patient the teenagers and the adults were with the young child despite apparent signs of fatigue. I have no idea of how many flight delays they had experienced that day. I do not know if they are citizens of this country, refugees feeling some form of oppression, wealthy citizens on a holiday or winner of a free trip. I do not know their social status or criminal history, if any. In short their appearance and their behavior told me nothing except that they in this moment of time in this public place are seemingly patient, kind and affectionate. The young child attempts to explain to what a newt is. I do not understand.
I have no basis for comparison even if I had a sophisticated system for assignment of quality life points based on social constructs. All those in the airport do appear to be live humans and not robots.
If I am totally honest I will notice myself silently comparing individuals or groups with myself and each other. I will judge myself and them as more or less attractive, more or less educated, more or less wealthy. I could then easily, based on these assumptions assign relative worth to each of us.
What if, in truth, we are all equally worthwhile? What if we all have some gifts and some limitations? What if we have all been kind and all been hurtful? What if we take the risk of, for a moment, letting go of the comparisons and appreciate each other for who we are? What if even those who are not able to experience empathy or love, through no fault of their own, are equally worth our unconditional love even if they need to be in a secure space?
Social constructs are learned behavior. We may have the best of intentions in sometimes using social constructs to explain surface behavior. Yet, perceived differences have more to do with our own fears and insecurities than with the other person(s).
Written July 10, 2018
RSS Feed