Seven-year-old Sam explores anxiety
My adopted niece Sam is now seven and in the first grade. I have not seen a lot of her the first two weeks of school, but I am teaching an experimental current affairs class to her first grade class and to her brother’s 8th grade class. I was delighted when she called and asked to come over last evening after school. Fortunately, there were plenty of chocolate chip cookies in the freezer. I also had crème cheese which I used to fill the celery stalks. Her favorite juice is cranberry which I always keep on hand.
I look out and there she comes across the path which we recently had paved between her house and mine.
Sam lightly knocks and then opens the door.
Me: Hi! How is my favorite niece?
Sam: I am fine Uncle Jim.
She sees the snacks.
Sam: Oh goody. I am starved Uncle Jim.
Me: Great. Is that enough of a snack or do you want something else?
Sam: This is good Uncle Jim. Thanks.
Me: How is school Sam?
Sam: It is good but I have homework now. That makes Paul happy. I think he is glad that he is not the only one to have homework.
Me: I bet he is.
Sam: Uncle Jim. Why do we get anxious? I know that I did well in kindergarten but I am afraid that I am not as smart as the other kids. Paul has always done well and what if I don’t do as well? I want to go to school and I have fun but then I get home and I worry. Why is that Uncle Jim? Is worry the same as anxiety Uncle Jim? What if everyone is smarter than me? What if…
Me: Oh my! Take breath Sam. Remember what I taught you about taking a breath? We have not tried the alternate nostril breathing in some time. Suppose we try that now.
Sam: Oh! Okay Uncle Jim, but …
Me: Let’s review. You are right handed. Hold your right index finger on your forehead between your eyes.
Sam: Like this?
Me: Yes. Very good Sam. Now take your thumb and close the right side of your nose. Breathe in your left nostril for a count of five. Now hold your breath for a count of four. Then use your right middle finger to close off your left nostril while taking your thumb off your right nostril. Then breathe out slowly for a count of five.
Sam takes a deep breath really fast and then lets it out fast.
Sam: Oops. I did not count Uncle Jim. I forgot how hard this is.
Me: That is fine Sam. We have not practiced for some time. Let’s try again. Take a breath really slowly and count.
Sam: Why are we counting Uncle Jim?
Me: I think it helps because if I am concentrating on counting I am not thinking so much about what I was worried about.
Sam: Why can’t we just tell our mind to “Shut up!” Uncle Jim?
Me: We could but that does not seem to work for most of us Sam. It certainly does not help me.
Sam: Me either. My mind acts as if it is in charge of me and doesn’t listen to me at all. Why won’t it behave when I tell it to Uncle Jim?
Me: It does seem strange. Just think one part of your mind is telling another part to do something. Parts of our mind just do not listen to each other, do they Sam?
Sam: It is as if there are two us. Does our mind have children like my mommy did Uncle Jim?
Me: Not exactly but it certainly feels that way at times doesn’t it Sam. One part of our mind gets very worried about not doing well or something else bad happening. The other part knows that we are will be okay but then the other part says, “Well, maybe, this time you will fail.” It is strange how our mind does that.
Sam: Does everyone worry Uncle Jim?
Me: Well, I do not know about everyone, but everyone I know, worries at times. Shall we practice the breathing again Sam?
Sam: Okay. Am I smart Uncle Jim?
Me: Yes, you are very smart and you have been very lucky to have parents and others to help you learn to read and do other things. Not everyone is as lucky as you.
Sam: That is not fair is it Uncle Jim.
Me: No, but sometimes people have other gifts which are just as important.
Sam: Like what Uncle Jim?
Me: Well, my friend Kevin’s brother is not as smart in terms of books and things but he does not worry so much and just accepts that he only has to do his best.
Sam: Oh. Yeah! I like him. He is always nice.
Me: Do you want to practice the breathing. Show me and I will follow your instructions.
Sam: Okay. Uncle Jim watch what I do. I am putting my index finger on my forehead and holding the right side of my nose closed with my thumb. I count to four, hold for three and then hold the left side of my nose closed with my middle finger while breathing out for four.
Me: Wow! You remembered all of that Sam! I am very impressed. You are very smart. We only reviewed it once and you remembered.
Sam: I guess. Will I do good in school?
Me: I think you will do very good. How is the worry Sam?
Sam: I forgot Uncle Jim. (She snickers!)
Me: That is great. The worry may come back but you know what to do and you KNOW that you are smart and will do really well. Of course you have to do your homework with your mom or dad every night.
Sam: Every night?
Me: Well not every night on the weekends, but most nights.
Sam: Paul is in the eighth grade and he has lots of homework.
Me: I know but he is doing it isn’t he.
Sam: Yes, we both have to study at the kitchen table and he tells me to shut up!
Me: He is also worried and trying to concentrate.
Sam: He is not worried. He says that he is not worried.
Me: Well, perhaps he is not as worried as you, but I know he worries a little. He is in the 8th grade.
Sam: I know. Will I ever be in the eighth grade, Uncle Jim?
Me: Yes, before you know it. Do you need more to eat or drink?
Sam: No thanks Uncle Jim. Thank you.
Me: You are welcome. Anytime you worry you know you can call or come over.
Sam: Bye Uncle Jim.
Off she goes across the path.
Written August 19, 2016
My adopted niece Sam is now seven and in the first grade. I have not seen a lot of her the first two weeks of school, but I am teaching an experimental current affairs class to her first grade class and to her brother’s 8th grade class. I was delighted when she called and asked to come over last evening after school. Fortunately, there were plenty of chocolate chip cookies in the freezer. I also had crème cheese which I used to fill the celery stalks. Her favorite juice is cranberry which I always keep on hand.
I look out and there she comes across the path which we recently had paved between her house and mine.
Sam lightly knocks and then opens the door.
Me: Hi! How is my favorite niece?
Sam: I am fine Uncle Jim.
She sees the snacks.
Sam: Oh goody. I am starved Uncle Jim.
Me: Great. Is that enough of a snack or do you want something else?
Sam: This is good Uncle Jim. Thanks.
Me: How is school Sam?
Sam: It is good but I have homework now. That makes Paul happy. I think he is glad that he is not the only one to have homework.
Me: I bet he is.
Sam: Uncle Jim. Why do we get anxious? I know that I did well in kindergarten but I am afraid that I am not as smart as the other kids. Paul has always done well and what if I don’t do as well? I want to go to school and I have fun but then I get home and I worry. Why is that Uncle Jim? Is worry the same as anxiety Uncle Jim? What if everyone is smarter than me? What if…
Me: Oh my! Take breath Sam. Remember what I taught you about taking a breath? We have not tried the alternate nostril breathing in some time. Suppose we try that now.
Sam: Oh! Okay Uncle Jim, but …
Me: Let’s review. You are right handed. Hold your right index finger on your forehead between your eyes.
Sam: Like this?
Me: Yes. Very good Sam. Now take your thumb and close the right side of your nose. Breathe in your left nostril for a count of five. Now hold your breath for a count of four. Then use your right middle finger to close off your left nostril while taking your thumb off your right nostril. Then breathe out slowly for a count of five.
Sam takes a deep breath really fast and then lets it out fast.
Sam: Oops. I did not count Uncle Jim. I forgot how hard this is.
Me: That is fine Sam. We have not practiced for some time. Let’s try again. Take a breath really slowly and count.
Sam: Why are we counting Uncle Jim?
Me: I think it helps because if I am concentrating on counting I am not thinking so much about what I was worried about.
Sam: Why can’t we just tell our mind to “Shut up!” Uncle Jim?
Me: We could but that does not seem to work for most of us Sam. It certainly does not help me.
Sam: Me either. My mind acts as if it is in charge of me and doesn’t listen to me at all. Why won’t it behave when I tell it to Uncle Jim?
Me: It does seem strange. Just think one part of your mind is telling another part to do something. Parts of our mind just do not listen to each other, do they Sam?
Sam: It is as if there are two us. Does our mind have children like my mommy did Uncle Jim?
Me: Not exactly but it certainly feels that way at times doesn’t it Sam. One part of our mind gets very worried about not doing well or something else bad happening. The other part knows that we are will be okay but then the other part says, “Well, maybe, this time you will fail.” It is strange how our mind does that.
Sam: Does everyone worry Uncle Jim?
Me: Well, I do not know about everyone, but everyone I know, worries at times. Shall we practice the breathing again Sam?
Sam: Okay. Am I smart Uncle Jim?
Me: Yes, you are very smart and you have been very lucky to have parents and others to help you learn to read and do other things. Not everyone is as lucky as you.
Sam: That is not fair is it Uncle Jim.
Me: No, but sometimes people have other gifts which are just as important.
Sam: Like what Uncle Jim?
Me: Well, my friend Kevin’s brother is not as smart in terms of books and things but he does not worry so much and just accepts that he only has to do his best.
Sam: Oh. Yeah! I like him. He is always nice.
Me: Do you want to practice the breathing. Show me and I will follow your instructions.
Sam: Okay. Uncle Jim watch what I do. I am putting my index finger on my forehead and holding the right side of my nose closed with my thumb. I count to four, hold for three and then hold the left side of my nose closed with my middle finger while breathing out for four.
Me: Wow! You remembered all of that Sam! I am very impressed. You are very smart. We only reviewed it once and you remembered.
Sam: I guess. Will I do good in school?
Me: I think you will do very good. How is the worry Sam?
Sam: I forgot Uncle Jim. (She snickers!)
Me: That is great. The worry may come back but you know what to do and you KNOW that you are smart and will do really well. Of course you have to do your homework with your mom or dad every night.
Sam: Every night?
Me: Well not every night on the weekends, but most nights.
Sam: Paul is in the eighth grade and he has lots of homework.
Me: I know but he is doing it isn’t he.
Sam: Yes, we both have to study at the kitchen table and he tells me to shut up!
Me: He is also worried and trying to concentrate.
Sam: He is not worried. He says that he is not worried.
Me: Well, perhaps he is not as worried as you, but I know he worries a little. He is in the 8th grade.
Sam: I know. Will I ever be in the eighth grade, Uncle Jim?
Me: Yes, before you know it. Do you need more to eat or drink?
Sam: No thanks Uncle Jim. Thank you.
Me: You are welcome. Anytime you worry you know you can call or come over.
Sam: Bye Uncle Jim.
Off she goes across the path.
Written August 19, 2016
RSS Feed