Sex and choice
There is no group of individuals more vilified by the general populations or even by the population of those convicted of assault, murder and other violent actions than the person who has been labeled as a sexual offender. Why is this? First it is assumed by many that all those on the sexual offender’s list are pedophiles; those who have forcibly had sexual contact with pre-pubescent children or have been convicted of raping adults. Actually, these are a small percentage of those on the list although it is tough to get an actual count. The term pedophile is so often used to label anyone who has had sex with a legally underage person. This is inaccurate. A pedophile is a person who uses a pre-pubescent child sexually. The legal age limit for children to make a decision to have sex with an adult varies from state to state or from country to country. In some countries the age limit is still as young as 12. In some countries or cultures within a country there may be rituals which prescribe initiating children into sex.
The list of sexual offenders in the United States includes:
o Those who do use a pre-pubescent child sexually.
o Those who forcibly or willing have sex with a minor post puberty person who is legally a child.
o Those older adults who fall in love with an under age teenafer even though the law says it is not allowed.
o Those who are emotionally younger than their chronological age and have sex with a person whose chronological age matches their emotional age, i.e., an immature 19-year-old with a14-17-year-old.
o Those who view pornography featuring teenager or younger children. They frequently do not have or seek out sex with children.
o Those who have sex with an underage prostitute who lies about his or her age.
o Those who while drunk or under control of another drug have forced sex.
o Those who have sex with someone who is under the influence or otherwise not capable of making an informed decision.
o Those who traffic in sex such as those who use children to make pornographic films or who kidnap or otherwise use their power to lure individuals of various ages to a work as sex workers.
o Those who have a compulsive need to expose themselves.
Some facts:
o Relatively few of those labeled sexual offenders are repeat offenders.
o No one decides their sexual attraction. All of us have some sexual preferences which may include gender, age, character traits, hair or eye color, body build or a host of other factors. Some preferences may be influenced by the culture, but many are not. Sexual orientation is not a choice. No one decides they want to have sexual desires for young children or to have serious emotional issues leading to a compulsion to control others sexually.
o No one decides that they will have a compulsive need to flaunt society norms.
o The line which determines legal age is largely arbitrary and varies from place to place and culture to culture.
o The brain of a young person is not fully developed until age 25 or 26. Yet we do not make that the legal age to decide to be sexually active with a person of one’s choice whatever their age.
o Sociopaths such as those who traffic in sex are unable, for whatever reason, to be concerned with or consider the needs of others.
o The person who has a compulsive need to expose himself or herself has underlying mental health issues having nothing to do with sex, but which are expressed sexually.
In this country we spend billions of dollars locating, prosecuting, monitoring, imprisoning and tracking those labeled as sexual offenders. We publish sexual offenders lists so that the general population can identify and supposedly keep them out of schools, housing, and even neighborhoods. There is no evidence that treating people as disposables/undesirables helps their brains to function differently.
Some sexual offenders get the help they need through 12 step programs, therapy, residential treatment program or even religious based treatment programs. Some are able to identify and get treatment for the underlying issues. For some the lifelong use of such tools and the support of a 12-step program or another similar one will allow them to reclaim a life which does not include acting out. As with all addictions it is possible to recover/heal without curing the addictive urge. There are a few who are unable to respond to treatment and may need to be in a long term safe treatment facility where they are treated as the sick people they are.
Those labeled as sexual offenders are treated with such disdain and are excluded from either “loving one’s enemies” or the Christian concept of Grace primarily because of the fact that:
o in the United States while we use sex to market everything from prescription medicine to underwear, we remain uncomfortable with who we humans are sexuality.
o we like to indulge the illusion that we can divide people into those who are good and those who are bad; those who are deserving of love and those who are not; those who are like the public us and those who are not.
o our concept of self is often validated by comparison with our perception of the public part of others.
o we both want to protect “children” and ignore that they are sexual beings or have the capacity to love much earlier than the legal age.
o we like to believe in the absolute concept of free will, responsibility and reject the reality of mental illness or the fact the brain which directs our actions is very sensitive, complicated, and is precariously balanced. It is much more comforting/less frightening to label and treat people as criminals than sacred humans whose brains may be unable to consider the needs and rights of others.
o we have a habit in this country (and many others) of criminalizing behavior we do not like regardless of whether or not it harms the general community.
o religious institutions based on fear-based beliefs often are the basis of laws in this country.
The discrepancy between who we are in terms of actions, who we want others to think we are or even who we are determined to beat ourselves into becoming has to be addressed if we ever want to approach a system of justice which is scientifically based and consistent with who we declare ourselves to be in our Bill of Rights and The Declaration of Independence. If we are going to avoid the fact that we are a religiously pluralistic society and think of ourselves as Christians, we might strive to emulate the teachings of Jesus about unconditional love and acceptance of our shared humanness.
Written December 2, 2021
Jimmy F. Pickett
coachpickett.org
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