Silent confessions - Silent apologies
As a person who works with and for those seeking recovery from active addiction to drugs, sex, power or other behavior or things which prevent one from owning oneself, I am very familiar with the 12 steps. In fact, I often use the 12 steps as an organized way to approach my own emotional and spiritual growth. Two of the steps that I was thinking about this morning are steps 4 and 5:
Step 4: “Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.”
Step 5: “Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.”
As a person who was first introduced to spiritual growth using the religious framework of the Christian church, I was very familiar with the role of confession in spiritual growth. Whether in the confessional booths of the Catholic church, from the floor of the sanctuary or in front of the congregation, one was early on introduced to the importance of admitting one’s wrong and asking for and/or accepting God’s forgiveness and direction through the minister or priest. One knew that there could be no growth without forgiveness and there could be no forgiveness without a sincere confession. The personal confession was in addition to the general confession in which one stated that one was heartily sorry for one’s sins. There are many versions or wordings for this public act of contrition but all are some version of the following:
O my God, I am heartily sorry for having offended You,
and I detest all my sins because I offend You, my God,
Who is all good and deserving of all my love.
I firmly resolve, with the help of Your grace,
to do penance,
and to amend my life. Amen. [9]
Often in my role as counselor and my former role as a Christian teaching elder/minister, I heard the initial confession of someone. If the person is in a 12-step recovery program, they then go on to do a full fourth and fifth step. After an initial confession and a full fifth step with a sponsor, the person is often surprised to find the listener(s) ready to embrace them and welcome to the human race. They find that no one is surprised or shocked that they committed acts which have often been very hurtful to themselves and others. This is part of the nature of our humanness. Our human mind can find ourselves discounting the sacredness of ourselves, others or mother nature which provides substance for all of us.
When we fail to confess the behavior which separates us from ourselves and others, we can only be reconnected by openly admitting our actions with at least one other person. A silent, private confession may be a start to reconnect with ourselves but it will not lead to a reconnection with others
It is no secret that Native American were living in what is now the United States long before Europeans (primarily) decided to immigrate to the country. It is no secret that the rights and sacred personhood of the Native American were systematically violated. Land, lives, culture, language and more were stolen.
Although in recent years more has been written about the treatment of Native Americans and the subsequent destruction of all that was sacred to them, including many lives, there has never been a public apology. Just this morning I did discover that in 2009 President Obama signed a piece of legislation - The Defense Appropriation Act of 2009 – in which was buried a carefully crafted and very limited resolution of apology to Native Americans. Although some newspapers including the Wall Street Journal made mention of this resolution there was no public ceremony or even acknowledgment of this very limited apology. No Native American leaders were invited to the signing of this bill. There were no acts of contrition.
Is there value in such a carefully crafted, limited, basically silent apology? Can one be redeemed or forgiven though such an act? Can there be a genuine reconnection or, in this case, breaking of bread together as a family if the confession or apology is silent and so carefully packaged in the all the “Whereas’ with assurance of no repatriations?
I am indebted to Layli Long Solder, the poet and teacher who is also Native American and to Krista Tippett, host of On Being, for making me aware of this silent, limited resolution which was not accompanied by a deep from the soul tearful confession. Yet I know there could be no acceptance of even this limited confession, no welcome home, or no “say it brother” or “say it sister.” There could be no equivalent of the 12-step sponsor holding out his or her arms to welcome one home; no killing of the fatted calf to welcome home the prodigal sons and daughters,
In short, we must ask if this counts as a confession at all. Is a carefully, crafted, resolution silent apology redemptive in any way?
I fear that without acceptance of our humanness, there can be no humility and without humility there can be no forgiveness. Without forgiveness, there can be no connection. Without reconnection, there can be no internal, external or communal peace.
Written March 31, 2017
As a person who works with and for those seeking recovery from active addiction to drugs, sex, power or other behavior or things which prevent one from owning oneself, I am very familiar with the 12 steps. In fact, I often use the 12 steps as an organized way to approach my own emotional and spiritual growth. Two of the steps that I was thinking about this morning are steps 4 and 5:
Step 4: “Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.”
Step 5: “Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.”
As a person who was first introduced to spiritual growth using the religious framework of the Christian church, I was very familiar with the role of confession in spiritual growth. Whether in the confessional booths of the Catholic church, from the floor of the sanctuary or in front of the congregation, one was early on introduced to the importance of admitting one’s wrong and asking for and/or accepting God’s forgiveness and direction through the minister or priest. One knew that there could be no growth without forgiveness and there could be no forgiveness without a sincere confession. The personal confession was in addition to the general confession in which one stated that one was heartily sorry for one’s sins. There are many versions or wordings for this public act of contrition but all are some version of the following:
O my God, I am heartily sorry for having offended You,
and I detest all my sins because I offend You, my God,
Who is all good and deserving of all my love.
I firmly resolve, with the help of Your grace,
to do penance,
and to amend my life. Amen. [9]
Often in my role as counselor and my former role as a Christian teaching elder/minister, I heard the initial confession of someone. If the person is in a 12-step recovery program, they then go on to do a full fourth and fifth step. After an initial confession and a full fifth step with a sponsor, the person is often surprised to find the listener(s) ready to embrace them and welcome to the human race. They find that no one is surprised or shocked that they committed acts which have often been very hurtful to themselves and others. This is part of the nature of our humanness. Our human mind can find ourselves discounting the sacredness of ourselves, others or mother nature which provides substance for all of us.
When we fail to confess the behavior which separates us from ourselves and others, we can only be reconnected by openly admitting our actions with at least one other person. A silent, private confession may be a start to reconnect with ourselves but it will not lead to a reconnection with others
It is no secret that Native American were living in what is now the United States long before Europeans (primarily) decided to immigrate to the country. It is no secret that the rights and sacred personhood of the Native American were systematically violated. Land, lives, culture, language and more were stolen.
Although in recent years more has been written about the treatment of Native Americans and the subsequent destruction of all that was sacred to them, including many lives, there has never been a public apology. Just this morning I did discover that in 2009 President Obama signed a piece of legislation - The Defense Appropriation Act of 2009 – in which was buried a carefully crafted and very limited resolution of apology to Native Americans. Although some newspapers including the Wall Street Journal made mention of this resolution there was no public ceremony or even acknowledgment of this very limited apology. No Native American leaders were invited to the signing of this bill. There were no acts of contrition.
Is there value in such a carefully crafted, limited, basically silent apology? Can one be redeemed or forgiven though such an act? Can there be a genuine reconnection or, in this case, breaking of bread together as a family if the confession or apology is silent and so carefully packaged in the all the “Whereas’ with assurance of no repatriations?
I am indebted to Layli Long Solder, the poet and teacher who is also Native American and to Krista Tippett, host of On Being, for making me aware of this silent, limited resolution which was not accompanied by a deep from the soul tearful confession. Yet I know there could be no acceptance of even this limited confession, no welcome home, or no “say it brother” or “say it sister.” There could be no equivalent of the 12-step sponsor holding out his or her arms to welcome one home; no killing of the fatted calf to welcome home the prodigal sons and daughters,
In short, we must ask if this counts as a confession at all. Is a carefully, crafted, resolution silent apology redemptive in any way?
I fear that without acceptance of our humanness, there can be no humility and without humility there can be no forgiveness. Without forgiveness, there can be no connection. Without reconnection, there can be no internal, external or communal peace.
Written March 31, 2017
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