Six-year-old Sam and her 12-year-old brother Paul explore “The company we keep.”
Often on holiday mornings my adopted nephew and niece come to help make holiday pancakes. Samantha is six and Paul is 12. This July 4th was no exception. I had gotten the flour, baking powder, salt, sugar, milk, egg and butter out. I had also carefully washed fresh blue berries and strawberries. There is always a supply of reddi whip in the refrigerator.
The griddle is also plugged in and the table is set with their favorite glasses for the milk.
Ah, I hear a light knock now.
Me: Come in Sam and Paul.
They both bounce in and give me a hug and kiss.
Sam: Good morning Uncle Jim.
Paul: Hi, Uncle Jim.
Me: Good morning. All ready for Independence Day pancakes?
Sam: Oh yes. Are we going to make red, white and blue pancakes Uncle Jim?
Me: You both still like doing that.
Paul: The best part is eating them.
Me: I have the ingredients all out. Who wants to measure and who wants to mix?
Sam: Paul, your arms are stronger. Will you stir? I will measure.
Paul: (Flexes his muscles) Sure. I can do that!
Me: Great.
Sam measures the flour, sugar, salt, and baking powder into the sifter. Paul sifts and make a hole in the center. Sam pours in the milk and I add the still hot melted butter. Paul proceeds to stir. Then each takes a cup and pours batter onto the griddle for the first three pancakes. The griddle is hot and it does not take long before the bubbles begin to form. Soon it is time to flip them. Paul does the flipping quite expertly.
Paul put a large pancake on each of our plates.
Sam: Can I do yours too Uncle Jim?
Me: Sure.
They both begin to use blueberries to make the area for the stars. Miniature marshmallows make the stars. Then they use reddi whip to coat the rest of the pancake before using strawberries to make the stripes. Soon we have three large colorful pancakes. We will enjoy those before starting on the next ones.
Paul: We did good Uncle Jim.
Me. Yes, you did!
Sam: Yummy!
Paul: Uncle Jim, on the news they were showing another bomb in a van blowing up in Iraq last night. A lot of people died again. Some of them were kids. They will never have holiday pancakes.
Sam: They are bad people Uncle Jim.
Me: That is terrible and very, very sad.
Paul: Why are they so bad Uncle Jim? Can’t we keep people from being bad? They are like the bullies in school, only worse.
Me: Well, obviously what they do is very bad. We humans treat each other very badly a lot of the time.
Sam: Why Uncle Jim?
Me: I think it is pretty complicated but perhaps we understand it more that we think we do. Let’s use the white board and list some of the reasons we do things. Why don’t we start with why we do holiday pancakes? Paul, will you write on the board?
Paul: Yes, Uncle Jim, but can be put more pancakes on to cook first?
Me: We sure can Paul.
Sam: Can I do it?
Me: Yes. Climb up on your stool. I guess it is too late to put on the aprons. We forgot them this morning.
Sam: Oops. I guess I already got some on my tee shirt.
Me: That is okay.
Sam carefully pours three cups of batter on the hot griddle.
Me: Okay! Why do me make holiday pancakes?
Paul: (He writes on board.) It is fun.
Sam: They look nice.
Paul: We like doing fun things together.
Sam: They taste good.
Me: I agree with all of those reasons. What if we had six other kids here and they started saying it was stupid to make holiday pancakes?
Paul: We could do it anyway but pretty soon it would be difficult to keep having fun.
Me: Why is that Paul?
Paul: If six people are saying it is stupid and only three are saying it is fun, it is really tough for the three to stay positive.
Me: Very good Paul.
Sam: Is that like when one person in class starts giggling or doing something bad and soon everyone is doing it?
Me; Exactly. I wonder why we do that? Paul, let’s draw a line and start a new list.
Paul: (Draws a line.) Do adults do this too?
Paul: Time to turn the pancakes Uncle Jim.
Paul turns the pancakes.
Sam: Do we do it because if someone is giggling it is catching?
Me: Very good. It is like a cold. It is contagious. Paul, write that on the board. Remember we talked about Dr. Slutkin comparing how violence spreads to how diseases spread?
Paul: We want to be like everyone else?
Me: Yes. It is easy for us to want to fit in or be a part of. Is it fun feeling like we are a part of?
Paul: It is fun but if the rest are doing something bad and I join in, I feel terrible later. Why would I do something I feel terrible about?
Oops! Time to take off the pancakes. Let’s decorate.
We all three start to decorate our second large pancake.
Me: Why do we do something we know is wrong?
Paul: Well, while we are throwing things in class and laughing it feels like fun because everyone is doing it and laughing, but when I get home and give the note from the teacher to my parents, no one is laughing and I feel really bad.
Me: So first, you join the happy people throwing things and laughing and then you join the people – the rest of the family – who are unhappy. Are you saying, Paul, that you begin to feel like the rest of the group and join in their thinking?
Paul: I think so. That is not good is it?
Me: No, it is not always good but it is very common for we humans to do that. It is called crowd or mob psychology. We tend to be easily influenced by what the rest of the crowd is doing. Do you know that the word influenced means Sam?
Sam: (sighs!) We talked about that Uncle Jim. It means I can start to behave like others even if I do not really think it is good behavior.
Me: Very good Sam. I am impressed that you remembered.
What are some other reasons we might do something?
Sam: It feels good, but why would it feel good to hurt someone Uncle Jim?
Me: Sometimes, for a second, it feels good to feel powerful.
What else? Why do we go to church?
Paul: We want to know what will make God happy. (Paul writes this on the board.)
Sam: Yes, we do not want to make God mad!
Me: So what if you thought God wanted you to stop bad behavior even if you had to kill people?
Paul: That is why we kill the bad people who get people to set off bombs like the ones in Iraq yesterday. God does not want people doing that.
Me: Do the people organizing and training people to set off the bombs think that they are making God happy?
Sam: They call God Allah?
Me: Very good Sam. So they are convinced that Allah wants them to kill the people who do not behave as they think God wants them to behave. Do you think that they are like the kids in class? When a bunch get excited about doing something for Allah they all get excited?
Paul: When we went as a class to help feed people at the soup kitchen we felt really good and made each other feel good.
Me: Great example Paul. It sounds as if we are saying that we all want to do good things and pleasing God or Allah is the best thing we can do. Are we ever wrong about what we think God or Allah wants us to do?
Sam: We cannot both be right can we Uncle Jim?
Paul: Both sides think that they are right. We think it is a good thing that we are bombing these bad people don’t we Uncle Jim?
Me: Yes. As a country we have decided that we are pleasing God or doing the right thing by killing the bad people who set up bombs in crowded places or cut off the heads of people.
Paul: But then they think that they are doing the right thing because they are killing the people who want to stop them from pleasing Allah.
Sam: This is very confusing Uncle Jim.
Me: Yes, it is. What do you both think we need to learn from group psychology/behavior?
Paul: You, mom, and dad are always saying that we have to learn to think for ourselves and not do something just because everyone else is. None of you like it when I say, “Everyone else is doing it or everyone else has something.”
Sam: Yes. None of you like it when I do that either.
Me: It is very hard not to just join the crowd, especially when they are excited about doing something. From what we said earlier it sounds as if we have to help each other do what seems right and not what everyone else is doing. Some other time we can talk about the different kinds of crowds or groups. Groups or crowds can be active or passive. Sometimes all get fearful of acting when something bad is happening. We just sit or stand there. That is passive. Some social scientists have also divided active groups into aggressive, escapist, acquisitive or expressive ones. Some other time we can talk about the difference.
Sam: Oh good. My brain is tired Uncle Jim.
Paul: Mine too. I am sleepy too Uncle Jim.
Me: Yes, I love our discussions but sometimes my brain gets tired. Some of Uncle Jim’s friends say about my writing, “Enough already!” I also think the sugar from the fruit and the reddi whip makes us more tired. Suppose I clean up and you two go take a nap or get some exercise.
Sam: Thanks Uncle Jim. This was fun.
Paul: Yes, thanks Uncle Jim
After hugs they are out the door, heading next door.
Written July 4, 2016
Often on holiday mornings my adopted nephew and niece come to help make holiday pancakes. Samantha is six and Paul is 12. This July 4th was no exception. I had gotten the flour, baking powder, salt, sugar, milk, egg and butter out. I had also carefully washed fresh blue berries and strawberries. There is always a supply of reddi whip in the refrigerator.
The griddle is also plugged in and the table is set with their favorite glasses for the milk.
Ah, I hear a light knock now.
Me: Come in Sam and Paul.
They both bounce in and give me a hug and kiss.
Sam: Good morning Uncle Jim.
Paul: Hi, Uncle Jim.
Me: Good morning. All ready for Independence Day pancakes?
Sam: Oh yes. Are we going to make red, white and blue pancakes Uncle Jim?
Me: You both still like doing that.
Paul: The best part is eating them.
Me: I have the ingredients all out. Who wants to measure and who wants to mix?
Sam: Paul, your arms are stronger. Will you stir? I will measure.
Paul: (Flexes his muscles) Sure. I can do that!
Me: Great.
Sam measures the flour, sugar, salt, and baking powder into the sifter. Paul sifts and make a hole in the center. Sam pours in the milk and I add the still hot melted butter. Paul proceeds to stir. Then each takes a cup and pours batter onto the griddle for the first three pancakes. The griddle is hot and it does not take long before the bubbles begin to form. Soon it is time to flip them. Paul does the flipping quite expertly.
Paul put a large pancake on each of our plates.
Sam: Can I do yours too Uncle Jim?
Me: Sure.
They both begin to use blueberries to make the area for the stars. Miniature marshmallows make the stars. Then they use reddi whip to coat the rest of the pancake before using strawberries to make the stripes. Soon we have three large colorful pancakes. We will enjoy those before starting on the next ones.
Paul: We did good Uncle Jim.
Me. Yes, you did!
Sam: Yummy!
Paul: Uncle Jim, on the news they were showing another bomb in a van blowing up in Iraq last night. A lot of people died again. Some of them were kids. They will never have holiday pancakes.
Sam: They are bad people Uncle Jim.
Me: That is terrible and very, very sad.
Paul: Why are they so bad Uncle Jim? Can’t we keep people from being bad? They are like the bullies in school, only worse.
Me: Well, obviously what they do is very bad. We humans treat each other very badly a lot of the time.
Sam: Why Uncle Jim?
Me: I think it is pretty complicated but perhaps we understand it more that we think we do. Let’s use the white board and list some of the reasons we do things. Why don’t we start with why we do holiday pancakes? Paul, will you write on the board?
Paul: Yes, Uncle Jim, but can be put more pancakes on to cook first?
Me: We sure can Paul.
Sam: Can I do it?
Me: Yes. Climb up on your stool. I guess it is too late to put on the aprons. We forgot them this morning.
Sam: Oops. I guess I already got some on my tee shirt.
Me: That is okay.
Sam carefully pours three cups of batter on the hot griddle.
Me: Okay! Why do me make holiday pancakes?
Paul: (He writes on board.) It is fun.
Sam: They look nice.
Paul: We like doing fun things together.
Sam: They taste good.
Me: I agree with all of those reasons. What if we had six other kids here and they started saying it was stupid to make holiday pancakes?
Paul: We could do it anyway but pretty soon it would be difficult to keep having fun.
Me: Why is that Paul?
Paul: If six people are saying it is stupid and only three are saying it is fun, it is really tough for the three to stay positive.
Me: Very good Paul.
Sam: Is that like when one person in class starts giggling or doing something bad and soon everyone is doing it?
Me; Exactly. I wonder why we do that? Paul, let’s draw a line and start a new list.
Paul: (Draws a line.) Do adults do this too?
Paul: Time to turn the pancakes Uncle Jim.
Paul turns the pancakes.
Sam: Do we do it because if someone is giggling it is catching?
Me: Very good. It is like a cold. It is contagious. Paul, write that on the board. Remember we talked about Dr. Slutkin comparing how violence spreads to how diseases spread?
Paul: We want to be like everyone else?
Me: Yes. It is easy for us to want to fit in or be a part of. Is it fun feeling like we are a part of?
Paul: It is fun but if the rest are doing something bad and I join in, I feel terrible later. Why would I do something I feel terrible about?
Oops! Time to take off the pancakes. Let’s decorate.
We all three start to decorate our second large pancake.
Me: Why do we do something we know is wrong?
Paul: Well, while we are throwing things in class and laughing it feels like fun because everyone is doing it and laughing, but when I get home and give the note from the teacher to my parents, no one is laughing and I feel really bad.
Me: So first, you join the happy people throwing things and laughing and then you join the people – the rest of the family – who are unhappy. Are you saying, Paul, that you begin to feel like the rest of the group and join in their thinking?
Paul: I think so. That is not good is it?
Me: No, it is not always good but it is very common for we humans to do that. It is called crowd or mob psychology. We tend to be easily influenced by what the rest of the crowd is doing. Do you know that the word influenced means Sam?
Sam: (sighs!) We talked about that Uncle Jim. It means I can start to behave like others even if I do not really think it is good behavior.
Me: Very good Sam. I am impressed that you remembered.
What are some other reasons we might do something?
Sam: It feels good, but why would it feel good to hurt someone Uncle Jim?
Me: Sometimes, for a second, it feels good to feel powerful.
What else? Why do we go to church?
Paul: We want to know what will make God happy. (Paul writes this on the board.)
Sam: Yes, we do not want to make God mad!
Me: So what if you thought God wanted you to stop bad behavior even if you had to kill people?
Paul: That is why we kill the bad people who get people to set off bombs like the ones in Iraq yesterday. God does not want people doing that.
Me: Do the people organizing and training people to set off the bombs think that they are making God happy?
Sam: They call God Allah?
Me: Very good Sam. So they are convinced that Allah wants them to kill the people who do not behave as they think God wants them to behave. Do you think that they are like the kids in class? When a bunch get excited about doing something for Allah they all get excited?
Paul: When we went as a class to help feed people at the soup kitchen we felt really good and made each other feel good.
Me: Great example Paul. It sounds as if we are saying that we all want to do good things and pleasing God or Allah is the best thing we can do. Are we ever wrong about what we think God or Allah wants us to do?
Sam: We cannot both be right can we Uncle Jim?
Paul: Both sides think that they are right. We think it is a good thing that we are bombing these bad people don’t we Uncle Jim?
Me: Yes. As a country we have decided that we are pleasing God or doing the right thing by killing the bad people who set up bombs in crowded places or cut off the heads of people.
Paul: But then they think that they are doing the right thing because they are killing the people who want to stop them from pleasing Allah.
Sam: This is very confusing Uncle Jim.
Me: Yes, it is. What do you both think we need to learn from group psychology/behavior?
Paul: You, mom, and dad are always saying that we have to learn to think for ourselves and not do something just because everyone else is. None of you like it when I say, “Everyone else is doing it or everyone else has something.”
Sam: Yes. None of you like it when I do that either.
Me: It is very hard not to just join the crowd, especially when they are excited about doing something. From what we said earlier it sounds as if we have to help each other do what seems right and not what everyone else is doing. Some other time we can talk about the different kinds of crowds or groups. Groups or crowds can be active or passive. Sometimes all get fearful of acting when something bad is happening. We just sit or stand there. That is passive. Some social scientists have also divided active groups into aggressive, escapist, acquisitive or expressive ones. Some other time we can talk about the difference.
Sam: Oh good. My brain is tired Uncle Jim.
Paul: Mine too. I am sleepy too Uncle Jim.
Me: Yes, I love our discussions but sometimes my brain gets tired. Some of Uncle Jim’s friends say about my writing, “Enough already!” I also think the sugar from the fruit and the reddi whip makes us more tired. Suppose I clean up and you two go take a nap or get some exercise.
Sam: Thanks Uncle Jim. This was fun.
Paul: Yes, thanks Uncle Jim
After hugs they are out the door, heading next door.
Written July 4, 2016
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