Six-year old Sam learns about the loneliness of friendship
It is Good Friday in the Christian tradition which means that my six-year-old adopted niece, Sam, was off school. I had joined her and her family for Maundy Thursday dinner and church. Sam had asked if she could come this morning after she and Paul colored and decorated the eggs. She said she wanted to talk about friendship
I had made up the hot chocolate and gotten a package of chocolate chip cookies from the freezer. Sam, her brother Paul, and I occasionally spend an afternoon making 12 dozen or so cookies. What we don’t eat while we are making them we freeze.
I look out the window and see that she is just leaving her house and will soon be at my kitchen door.
Me: Good morning Sam. Did you and Paul color all the eggs?
Sam: Good morning Uncle Jim. Yes, we had a great time. I made one with your face on it. You look really funny. Look!
Sam shows me a yellow egg with a purple drawing of an old man with hair sticking out all over and a straggly beard. Clearly she had fun with this creation.
Me: That is fun. Here, we’ll put it in an egg cup and when you and your family come for dinner Sunday we will use it as part of the table decoration. I guess I will have to make an egg with a picture of you on it too!
Sam: Oh no! You will make me look silly!
Me: No sillier than you made me look Sam.
Sam: Okay. I guess.
Me: Here, Sam, I will pour your hot chocolate. Here are the marshmallows.
Sam: Thanks Uncle Jim.
Me. You are welcome Sam. You wanted to talk about your friends Ahmes and Yana?
Ahmes, is her Egyptian classmate and Yana is her Syrian classmate.
Sam: Yes, Uncle Jim. Some of the kids have been saying mean things about Muslims again. You know that Ahmes and Yana are Muslims?
Me: Yes. Did this get worse again after the bombing in Brussels Sam?
Sam: Yes. I know we have talked about this before but I do not understand why anyone treats Yana and Ahmes as if they were responsible for the bombs.
Me: Yes, sometimes we humans blame a whole group or religion don’t we?
Sam: At breakfast dad was showing us the picture of the Pope washing the feet of people from many different religions. Mom and dad think that Jesus would have been proud of the Pope.
Me: Yes, I saw that. Here is the picture and the article. It says he was washing the feet of Muslim, Orthodox, Hindu, and Catholic refugees. He said that they are all children of the same God.
Sam: So he would not call Ahmes and Yana bad people would he?
Me. No, he would not Sam. Apparently, Pope Francis thinks the same way that Jesus seemed to think. Jesus seemed to act as if we are all deserving of love. Do you think that everyone in the Catholic church agrees with Pope Francis, Sam?
Sam: No, mom and dad said that some people were really mad at the Pope. Even in school the teacher asked us why we thought that some Catholics were really angry at the Pope.
Me: What did you say Sam?
Sam: I said that my mother, dad, and Uncle Jim think that Jesus taught us to love everyone and not care what religion we belong to but some people do not think that way.
Me: What did others say when you said that?
Sam: Some of he kids said that God would be really angry if the Catholics went to a Muslim moose.
Me: I think they meant Mosque Sam. Here, let me write it on the board so that you can see the word. Moose is an animal.
Sam: Uncle Jim, what about the Moose Lodge we saw the other day?
Me: You are right Sam. At any rate here is the word “Mosque” which is what some people call a church and others call a temple.
Sam: Still, why would God be angry if I went to a Mooque? Opps! (She looks at the board.) M o s q u e?
Me: Well, you, your parents and apparently even Pope Francis does not think that God would be angry. Some people, however, think that God only loves those who are a certain religion and worship in a certain way. Some people think the pope is really a bad pope for not thinking this way.
Sam: We think he is a good Pope, don’t we Uncle Jim?
Me: Well, I really like the way he treats everyone.
Sam: Me too, Uncle Jim. Do the people who killed the people the other day think that God loves everyone Uncle Jim?
Me: No, some Muslims believe that God only loves certain Muslims just as some people believe that God only loves some Catholics.
Sam: But the Catholics who do not like the fact that the Pope thinks God does not care what religion we are do not set up bombs and kill people do they Uncle Jim?
Me: No, not usually although there are some Christians, including some Catholics, who think that God wants them to treat some others really bad. I was just reading that North Carolina passed a new law making it more difficult for some members of the lesbian, gay, bisexual,and transgender community.
Sam: Some of our friends love people who are the same as them, don’t they Uncle Jim?
Me: Yes, that is true. We – your parents and I – think that God love us all. We have to remember that there have been times when some Catholics thought that God wanted to kill people who were not Catholics. There have always been people who thought that God only cares about those who believe that they are the same as them.
Sam: So, when we treat people who are different than we are, we are the same as the people who set up the bombs Uncle Jim?
Me: Sam, you always amaze me. You are so bright and so loving. Yes, even though we may not be killing in the name of God when we treat people badly because they are different, we feed the dragon. Remember the dragon of prejudice? There is the dragon we drew on the board the other day Sam.
Sam: Prejudice is when we treat someone bad just because they are different?
Me: Very good Sam. Yes, that is accurate. Some people are treating Yana and Ahmes as if they are responsible for the bombers. Yes, you and I know that most Muslims are very peaceful and loving.
Sam: When I say that it is wrong to call Yana and Ahmes names and treat them bad then the other kids call me names.
Me: That is very sad Sam. I am sorry. Do you think it would be better if you did not defend Yana and Ahmes?
Sam: One day I did not say anything and I felt really bad all day long. I did not feel close to Yana and Ahmes and I did not feel close to the kids who called them names. I felt all alone.
Me: Yes, I can see where that would be a very lonely feeling Sam.
Sam; Even when I defend Yana and Ahmes I feel pretty lonely sometimes Uncle Jim. I not one of the Muslims and I am not part of the group who calls them names.
Me: Yes, sometimes loving others and defending them can feel very lonely Sam. Do you think that the Pope ever feels lonely?
Sam: I do not think so Uncle Jim. There are a lot of people who love him.
Me: But even when some of the kids do not love you or treat you well Sam you have lots of people who love you.
Sam: I know but how come when I am at school I can feel so lonely at times Uncle Jim?
Me: Because sometimes when even one other person or a group of people do not like us or treat us badly, we feel all alone even if we know that others love us. When we are around people who are angry or saying mean things we feel as if we are the only one who is standing up for our friends or classmates. If me, your parents, grandma, grandpa, Paul, Mamma, Pop Pop, Tommy and Eldon were in the classroom with you, it would not feel so lonely. Still, even then sometimes when the people our age or in our group do not include us, it feels very lonely.
Sam: Being a friend or standing up for what we believe is very lonely sometimes Uncle Jim.
Me: Yes, it is Sam. I am sure that no matter who we are it can feel very lonely. I am so proud of you for doing what you think is right. I think on this Easter weekend the Pope and even Jesus would be very proud of you.
Sam: Do you really think so Uncle Jim?
Me: Yes, I do. I know that even if we believe that we can feel lonely at times but as you said if we did not do what we believe is right we would feel worse.
Sam: Thanks Uncle Jim.
Me: You are welcome Sam.
Sam: Bye Uncle Jim. See you later gator!
Me: Goodbye. Later!
Written March 25, 2016
It is Good Friday in the Christian tradition which means that my six-year-old adopted niece, Sam, was off school. I had joined her and her family for Maundy Thursday dinner and church. Sam had asked if she could come this morning after she and Paul colored and decorated the eggs. She said she wanted to talk about friendship
I had made up the hot chocolate and gotten a package of chocolate chip cookies from the freezer. Sam, her brother Paul, and I occasionally spend an afternoon making 12 dozen or so cookies. What we don’t eat while we are making them we freeze.
I look out the window and see that she is just leaving her house and will soon be at my kitchen door.
Me: Good morning Sam. Did you and Paul color all the eggs?
Sam: Good morning Uncle Jim. Yes, we had a great time. I made one with your face on it. You look really funny. Look!
Sam shows me a yellow egg with a purple drawing of an old man with hair sticking out all over and a straggly beard. Clearly she had fun with this creation.
Me: That is fun. Here, we’ll put it in an egg cup and when you and your family come for dinner Sunday we will use it as part of the table decoration. I guess I will have to make an egg with a picture of you on it too!
Sam: Oh no! You will make me look silly!
Me: No sillier than you made me look Sam.
Sam: Okay. I guess.
Me: Here, Sam, I will pour your hot chocolate. Here are the marshmallows.
Sam: Thanks Uncle Jim.
Me. You are welcome Sam. You wanted to talk about your friends Ahmes and Yana?
Ahmes, is her Egyptian classmate and Yana is her Syrian classmate.
Sam: Yes, Uncle Jim. Some of the kids have been saying mean things about Muslims again. You know that Ahmes and Yana are Muslims?
Me: Yes. Did this get worse again after the bombing in Brussels Sam?
Sam: Yes. I know we have talked about this before but I do not understand why anyone treats Yana and Ahmes as if they were responsible for the bombs.
Me: Yes, sometimes we humans blame a whole group or religion don’t we?
Sam: At breakfast dad was showing us the picture of the Pope washing the feet of people from many different religions. Mom and dad think that Jesus would have been proud of the Pope.
Me: Yes, I saw that. Here is the picture and the article. It says he was washing the feet of Muslim, Orthodox, Hindu, and Catholic refugees. He said that they are all children of the same God.
Sam: So he would not call Ahmes and Yana bad people would he?
Me. No, he would not Sam. Apparently, Pope Francis thinks the same way that Jesus seemed to think. Jesus seemed to act as if we are all deserving of love. Do you think that everyone in the Catholic church agrees with Pope Francis, Sam?
Sam: No, mom and dad said that some people were really mad at the Pope. Even in school the teacher asked us why we thought that some Catholics were really angry at the Pope.
Me: What did you say Sam?
Sam: I said that my mother, dad, and Uncle Jim think that Jesus taught us to love everyone and not care what religion we belong to but some people do not think that way.
Me: What did others say when you said that?
Sam: Some of he kids said that God would be really angry if the Catholics went to a Muslim moose.
Me: I think they meant Mosque Sam. Here, let me write it on the board so that you can see the word. Moose is an animal.
Sam: Uncle Jim, what about the Moose Lodge we saw the other day?
Me: You are right Sam. At any rate here is the word “Mosque” which is what some people call a church and others call a temple.
Sam: Still, why would God be angry if I went to a Mooque? Opps! (She looks at the board.) M o s q u e?
Me: Well, you, your parents and apparently even Pope Francis does not think that God would be angry. Some people, however, think that God only loves those who are a certain religion and worship in a certain way. Some people think the pope is really a bad pope for not thinking this way.
Sam: We think he is a good Pope, don’t we Uncle Jim?
Me: Well, I really like the way he treats everyone.
Sam: Me too, Uncle Jim. Do the people who killed the people the other day think that God loves everyone Uncle Jim?
Me: No, some Muslims believe that God only loves certain Muslims just as some people believe that God only loves some Catholics.
Sam: But the Catholics who do not like the fact that the Pope thinks God does not care what religion we are do not set up bombs and kill people do they Uncle Jim?
Me: No, not usually although there are some Christians, including some Catholics, who think that God wants them to treat some others really bad. I was just reading that North Carolina passed a new law making it more difficult for some members of the lesbian, gay, bisexual,and transgender community.
Sam: Some of our friends love people who are the same as them, don’t they Uncle Jim?
Me: Yes, that is true. We – your parents and I – think that God love us all. We have to remember that there have been times when some Catholics thought that God wanted to kill people who were not Catholics. There have always been people who thought that God only cares about those who believe that they are the same as them.
Sam: So, when we treat people who are different than we are, we are the same as the people who set up the bombs Uncle Jim?
Me: Sam, you always amaze me. You are so bright and so loving. Yes, even though we may not be killing in the name of God when we treat people badly because they are different, we feed the dragon. Remember the dragon of prejudice? There is the dragon we drew on the board the other day Sam.
Sam: Prejudice is when we treat someone bad just because they are different?
Me: Very good Sam. Yes, that is accurate. Some people are treating Yana and Ahmes as if they are responsible for the bombers. Yes, you and I know that most Muslims are very peaceful and loving.
Sam: When I say that it is wrong to call Yana and Ahmes names and treat them bad then the other kids call me names.
Me: That is very sad Sam. I am sorry. Do you think it would be better if you did not defend Yana and Ahmes?
Sam: One day I did not say anything and I felt really bad all day long. I did not feel close to Yana and Ahmes and I did not feel close to the kids who called them names. I felt all alone.
Me: Yes, I can see where that would be a very lonely feeling Sam.
Sam; Even when I defend Yana and Ahmes I feel pretty lonely sometimes Uncle Jim. I not one of the Muslims and I am not part of the group who calls them names.
Me: Yes, sometimes loving others and defending them can feel very lonely Sam. Do you think that the Pope ever feels lonely?
Sam: I do not think so Uncle Jim. There are a lot of people who love him.
Me: But even when some of the kids do not love you or treat you well Sam you have lots of people who love you.
Sam: I know but how come when I am at school I can feel so lonely at times Uncle Jim?
Me: Because sometimes when even one other person or a group of people do not like us or treat us badly, we feel all alone even if we know that others love us. When we are around people who are angry or saying mean things we feel as if we are the only one who is standing up for our friends or classmates. If me, your parents, grandma, grandpa, Paul, Mamma, Pop Pop, Tommy and Eldon were in the classroom with you, it would not feel so lonely. Still, even then sometimes when the people our age or in our group do not include us, it feels very lonely.
Sam: Being a friend or standing up for what we believe is very lonely sometimes Uncle Jim.
Me: Yes, it is Sam. I am sure that no matter who we are it can feel very lonely. I am so proud of you for doing what you think is right. I think on this Easter weekend the Pope and even Jesus would be very proud of you.
Sam: Do you really think so Uncle Jim?
Me: Yes, I do. I know that even if we believe that we can feel lonely at times but as you said if we did not do what we believe is right we would feel worse.
Sam: Thanks Uncle Jim.
Me: You are welcome Sam.
Sam: Bye Uncle Jim. See you later gator!
Me: Goodbye. Later!
Written March 25, 2016
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