Step one for fathers (and mothers)!
Step one of the 12 step program founded by Bill and Dr. Bob is a stark reminder for the addict that the when he or she takes that first drink, pops that first pill, gives in to hurtful sexual behavior or feeds the dragons of greed one is powerless. Those using the 12-step program quickly realize that many of their reactions to people, places and things has to do with the fact that they are powerless over not just their drug use or activity but over all people, places, events and things. In fact, the only power one has is to accept one powerlessness over those people, places or things and focus on the limited power one does have.
Step one simply states that: “We admitted that we were powerless over ______- that our lives had become unmanageable. This is not just about alcohol, other drugs, or other behavior. It is about addiction when the compulsive need to drink, use other drugs or engage in other behavior overrides all other needs and one’s values. Anyone who has lived with or worked for/with an addict knows that the only moral imperative for an active addict is “more” and “more” is never enough. In many respects the brain of an active addict is similar to that of a young child. The brain of young child will seldom know when more sugar and more play time is enough. Healthy parents quickly learn that they are powerless over the mind of the young child. The parent must be very vigilant with eyes in the front, back and sides of their head. That parent also develops an acute sense of hearing . They will also learn how to function on a very limited amount of sleep. Even when attentive, the healthy child will wander off to conduct a scientific experiment on the cushion of the new expensive couch or learn to use Alexa to order more toys or supplies for their scientific experiments. As they age they may wander off to engage in behavior with more long-term consequences such as experimenting with drugs or deciding sex without protection is cool.
With any luck and a lot of Grace the child or children grow up to be responsible, creative, independent, self-supporting young adults who choose a partner and friends who treats them as if they were all the gold and diamonds wrapped up into one. They may make even braver choices to be the next aspiring Joshua Bell or Sonia Sotomayor. They may become that person who goes to jail because of their beliefs or the dissonant who blows the whistle on corrupt behavior.
No matter how old our children we will find ourselves repeating the first step many times a day and practicing the principle of the serenity prayer – “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage the change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.”
Parenting is the toughest and most rewarding and important job we will ever do.
June 16, 2019
Jimmy F Pickett
Coachpickett.org
Step one of the 12 step program founded by Bill and Dr. Bob is a stark reminder for the addict that the when he or she takes that first drink, pops that first pill, gives in to hurtful sexual behavior or feeds the dragons of greed one is powerless. Those using the 12-step program quickly realize that many of their reactions to people, places and things has to do with the fact that they are powerless over not just their drug use or activity but over all people, places, events and things. In fact, the only power one has is to accept one powerlessness over those people, places or things and focus on the limited power one does have.
Step one simply states that: “We admitted that we were powerless over ______- that our lives had become unmanageable. This is not just about alcohol, other drugs, or other behavior. It is about addiction when the compulsive need to drink, use other drugs or engage in other behavior overrides all other needs and one’s values. Anyone who has lived with or worked for/with an addict knows that the only moral imperative for an active addict is “more” and “more” is never enough. In many respects the brain of an active addict is similar to that of a young child. The brain of young child will seldom know when more sugar and more play time is enough. Healthy parents quickly learn that they are powerless over the mind of the young child. The parent must be very vigilant with eyes in the front, back and sides of their head. That parent also develops an acute sense of hearing . They will also learn how to function on a very limited amount of sleep. Even when attentive, the healthy child will wander off to conduct a scientific experiment on the cushion of the new expensive couch or learn to use Alexa to order more toys or supplies for their scientific experiments. As they age they may wander off to engage in behavior with more long-term consequences such as experimenting with drugs or deciding sex without protection is cool.
With any luck and a lot of Grace the child or children grow up to be responsible, creative, independent, self-supporting young adults who choose a partner and friends who treats them as if they were all the gold and diamonds wrapped up into one. They may make even braver choices to be the next aspiring Joshua Bell or Sonia Sotomayor. They may become that person who goes to jail because of their beliefs or the dissonant who blows the whistle on corrupt behavior.
No matter how old our children we will find ourselves repeating the first step many times a day and practicing the principle of the serenity prayer – “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage the change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.”
Parenting is the toughest and most rewarding and important job we will ever do.
June 16, 2019
Jimmy F Pickett
Coachpickett.org
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